Chapter 19 Gun #2
I’m a wreck by the time we make it back to the loft. Elise is supporting me as I’m half slumped over, an arm thrown over her neck.
The world spins like a carnival ride gone wrong. I’ve stopped trying to fight it, biding my time ’til I can take some pain killers.
She gets us inside and makes sure to lock the doors—all three deadbolts—before I collapse on the couch. I’m seeing double and fighting the urge to vomit all over the clean floors.
The pain in my skull feels like someone’s taking a sledgehammer to the inside of my cranium.
It’s an agony that no words can do justice.
The kind of pain that trickles to other parts of the nervous system and affects the whole body. I can’t see straight, can’t walk straight, can’t do anything but surrender to the torture.
Elise crouches beside me, her hands gentle as she starts working off my boots.
“Stay with me, Gun,” she murmurs. She’s grabbed a few towels that she uses to gingerly dab at the gash on my head. “Don’t you dare pass out on me.”
“Pain meds,” I grunt through gritted teeth. “I keep several stashes. Closest are in the kitchen cabinet.”
She rushes to get them, calling over her shoulder, “We need to call a doctor. I could try to get Priscilla to come out this way—”
“No,” I rasp. “Just stay with me.”
When she returns with the prescription bottle and a glass of water, she grabs my hand with both of hers, deep worry etched into every line of her face. “Always. I’m not going anywhere.”
Over the next hour, Elise becomes my at-home doctor, keeping me conscious and helping with anything I need.
She holds the glass of water as I sip and hands me the pills when I need them. She finds a proper bandage in the medicine cabinet and applies it to my temple once the gash is properly cleaned.
I grit my teeth and keep my eyes closed, letting the pain slowly settle. The medication isn’t far behind, working its chemical magic through my bloodstream.
Elise holds my hand in both of hers, her touch warm and soothing. Every so often she asks what else I need. After the tenth time, I crack a slight grin, lifting an eyelid for a look at her.
“Isn’t it obvious? Only you, Goyangi-ne. Nothing else.”
A tiny smile breaks across her worried features. She brings the back of my hand to her lips for a soft kiss that eases the throbbing in my skull better than any pharmaceutical ever could.
As I lie there with my hand in hers, I marvel at how we’ve really started to care for each other. Despite everything working against us.
Our fathers became enemies, mine murdered hers, and yet here we are—two people from completely opposing sides who have found their way to each other.
It speaks to the strange complexity of being human. Love can bloom even in the most poisoned soil.
The epiphany is too damn groundbreaking to process right now. Not when I’m in the throes of pain; but I do know there’s no turning back for me.
I’ll do anything for her and her cause. I’ll go to the end of the earth with her if it means getting the revenge she needs. Even if it means destroying everything I once thought I believed in.
Eventually, once the worst of the pain has dulled to a manageable throb, Elise helps me to my feet and guides me toward the bathroom.
The shower we share is intimate and peaceful in ways I didn’t know were possible—no urgency or desperate hunger, just quiet tenderness as steam fills the small space around us.
I’m privileged to see sides of Elise no one else ever has. She’s sweeter than anyone can imagine, voluntarily shampooing my hair when my head is too tender and I lack the coordination to do so.
The bathroom fills with her light laughter when I get a dollop of shampoo on my nose. She wipes it away and reaches up to run her long nails across my scalp in slow, soothing circles.
It’s one of the best feelings imaginable. Better than any massage I’ve ever paid for.
It doesn’t end in the shower—when we settle into bed with my head resting on her stomach, she slides her fingers through my hair and continues her ministrations.
She massages my aching skull and makes the pain nothing but a memory.
“Why do you get such terrible headaches?” she asks. “And why do head injuries seem to hurt you more than others, Gun? I noticed it when I headbutted you all those weeks ago in the alley.”
My eyes pop open to peer up at her from where I lay on her stomach. I can’t help but smirk despite the distant ache in my skull. “I’m not sure if you realize this, Goyangi, but headbutts don’t feel good for anyone.”
She half rolls her eyes with familiar exasperation. “You know what I mean.”
I release a breath, preparing to share the inferiority that has plagued me my entire life. The same condition that Father’s often used to explain why I’m not as sharp or successful as Ho-seok.
“It’s because I have a traumatic brain injury.
I’ve had it most of my life, and it results in terrible migraines.
I’ve seen dozens of neurologists, including my brother.
Even had surgery. Nothing fixes the problem.
It’s like there’s some wiring in my brain that permanently went wrong and can’t be repaired. ”
Elise looks horrified, her fingers going still in my hair. “How did it happen? You were a child?”
“Yes. I was pretty young, maybe around eight. It was a rainy night, and my father was driving like a maniac. We crashed into a guardrail and the impact was devastating. We’re lucky we both survived. But me, not so unscathed.”
She shakes her head, her voice sounding strained when she speaks again. “How could he treat you the way he does after what he did? It’s his fault!”
“I’m not sure he sees it that way.”
It’s more than the truth. It’s simply the way my father is.
He looks at me and sees his own failure reflected back. I’m the son he didn’t want. The defective son whose brain doesn’t work the right way.
Elise turns her head to wipe her eye on her shirt sleeve. “I know you love him, Gun. And I know he’s your father. But he’s a terrible person.”
“You have the right to say that after what he’s taken from you,” I concede. “What happened afterward? You must’ve been young too.”
“I was. My mom obviously wasn’t an option.
So Uncle Jerald took me in and looked after me for a while, ’til he realized raising a little girl was a lot of work.
Then I went to live with my grandma on my dad’s side.
But I never really got over everything that happened.
I was a miserable child. I had no friends.
I was always angry and withdrawn. Everything felt so unfair, so out of my control. ”
“So you decided as soon as you could, you would take it back. You would do something about it.”
She nods, sniffling as she wipes at her eyes with shirt sleeve again. “I haven’t lived for much but revenge, Gun. I don’t even know what would happen if I survive. A part of me has always assumed…” She trails off, the pain evident in her voice.
I sit up, cupping her cheek with gentle fingers. “Tell me. You can tell me anything.”
“I thought,” she starts and then stops again, closing her eyes.
“I thought I would die in the process. And... I’ve always been okay with that.
Maybe that’s why I’ve always pushed people away.
Priscilla. KD. Now you. I told myself I couldn’t trust anyone.
Everyone betrays you in the end. But the truth is, that was just an excuse.
It was easier to push everyone away and keep going, keep pursuing revenge if no one would care that I was gone. ”
“I care, Goyangi-ne,” I say, my protective instinct beating harder than ever. “And you’re never going to shake me off. I’m like a fucking shadow. I’ll always be there.”
She laughs through the couple tears that have slipped free, quickly moving to wipe them away.
I catch her hands and gently lower them so she can’t.
“Don’t. I like seeing this side of you. You feel deeply, Goyangi-ne. That’s not a weakness. That’s a strength.”
We kiss softly, the salt of her tears on her full lips. I savor the taste of her in every way, even her tears.
When we draw back, I wipe the remaining moisture away with my thumb.
“What do you want when it’s all said and done? When—not if—we survive this. What do you want to do with your life?”
A genuine, bemused smile breaks across her face. “I’ve never looked that far ahead. Maybe… maybe a real vacation. Like on a nice beach somewhere. I’ve actually never… taken one before. Just for fun, you know?
“Then maybe I’ll take you on one someday,” I tell her, meaning every word. “We’ll go away to some nice beach just you and me. I’ll make it come true.”