5. Clara
Chapter Five
CLARA
I wake up as the sun starts to stream through the windows, a welcome change from the dark cell.
Marco came in at some point during the night and fell asleep on top of the sheets.
He looks exhausted with his hair all disheveled and a shadow starting to cover his jaw.
I want to let him sleep, but I need to see my baby girl, so I move to try and leave the bed without waking him up.
As I stir, his eyes open.
He smiles at me. “Good morning. I’ll get our girl.”
A few minutes later, he is back with her. She is hanging on to him, and when she sees me, she squeals and reaches for me.
I run to them and take her in my arms. “I missed you, baby girl.”
Marco lies for a bit in bed and watches us until his phone rings.
“I’m sorry. I have to take this.” He kisses my head and leaves the room.
It’s been great being with my baby, but Marco disappeared into Andre’s office what feels like hours ago, and I have a feeling he’s looking into Ben.
I cradle Zoe against my chest, breathing in the soft scent of her hair as she sleeps peacefully in my arms.
I thought I would never get the chance to hold my daughter again, so I should be feeling overwhelming joy right now. Instead, a lead weight has settled in my stomach.
In the short time I’ve known Marco, her life has been threatened twice, and I have a sinking feeling now that Ben is back that it will happen again.
Zoe dozes in my arms after I feed her.
I keep her close to me, not wanting to break contact with her, though I could do with going back to sleep myself.
My stomach twists with guilt for not telling Marco the truth about Ben, and now I fear it might be too late to come clean.
I had the perfect opportunity to, and yet I didn’t, and I have no idea why.
It’s not like I owe Ben anything. I cut him out of my life for a reason, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for the selfish choices he made, even more so now that I know he has been working with Tommaso all along.
It’s likely if it came down to my life or his, Ben would have walked away without giving me a second thought, so why should I feel guilty for doing the same?
I know I should feel indifferent to the idea of Marco hunting him down and putting a bullet between my brother’s eyes, but instead it makes my throat burn with bile.
Maybe our shared blood means more to me than I care to admit.
I shift Zoe slightly in my arms, pressing my lips to her forehead as I try to push the thoughts away.
Whatever the reason for lying to Marco, it doesn’t matter now. Even if he isn’t already dead, Ben is likely long gone, and I doubt I’ll ever see him again…
“Hey.” Marco’s deep voice pulls me from my thoughts.
I look up to find him leaning against the doorframe, studying me with a quiet intensity.
His black shirt is wrinkled from sleeping in it, and he’s rolled the sleeves to his elbows.
The stubble on his chin is slowly turning to the beginnings of a beard and strands of his dark hair are falling in his eyes.
He’s far from his usual polished self, but I don’t think he’s ever looked sexier.
“Hey to you too.” I force a small smile, hoping he can’t read the guilt on my face.
His dark eyes linger on me for a moment, but then they flick down to Zoe, and the hard lines of his face soften.
“How is she doing?”
I rub slow circles on her back. “She’s good. She’s pretty much been asleep the whole time since you left.”
Marco nods, and then his gaze flicks to mine, and there is a silent question in his eyes.
“I’m still… processing everything, but I’m okay.”
Marco pushes off the doorframe and walks over to the bed to perch beside me. When he reaches out to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, and his fingers linger against my cheek, I’m so overcome with emotion that I choke back a sob.
I can’t believe how close I came to losing him.
He cups my cheek. “I’m right here, love.”
“I know.” I lean into his touch.
I lose myself in his dark brown eyes, to the feeling of his calloused thumb as he gently strokes my cheek.
“You came back for me.”
Something like agony flashes in his eyes. “I promised you I would. I always will. I love you, Clara.”
It’s all I can do to nod as I fight back tears.
Marco leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead. A sense of calm washes over me at the feeling of his lips against my skin, as I breathe in his musky cologne.
“Are you hungry, love? I can make you something to eat.”
I shake my head, my stomach too wracked with guilt to eat. “I’m okay.”
My head is still groggy, and my eyes start to grow heavy. I wonder how long it will take for me to feel like myself again?
Perhaps I never will…
Marco pulls back and looks down at Zoe.
“You need to rest, Clara.” His voice is soft but firm as he reaches for Zoe.
“But—”
He gently lifts her out of my arms. “I’ve got her. You can sleep some more.”
I hate how empty my arms feel without Zoe. I want to remind him that he’s just as sleep deprived as I am, but I know there’s no point in arguing, not when my eyes are starting to droop.
It seems the few hours of sleep I managed to get have done little to relieve the exhaustion that has settled deep within my bones.
I yawn, barely managing to cover it with my hand, which elicits a soft chuckle from Marco.
“That’s what I thought.”
I roll my eyes at him, but I don’t have the energy to fight. Instead, I pull the sheets up over my body and curl up onto my side.
Marco’s hand brushes over my hair, his fingers trailing down my arm before he steps away. “Sleep well, love,” he murmurs as sleep pulls me under.
I wake a few hours later to the warm weight of Marco curled around me, his arm draped over my waist and his breath tickling the back of my neck as he breathes in and out.
I don’t remember him coming back to bed and while I thought waking up in his arms would have me jumping for joy, instead guilt starts to gnaw at me even worse than before.
I’m going to have to tell him about Ben and hope that my betrayal doesn’t tear us apart, not when I’ve only just got him back.
Marco shifts beside me, pressing a soft kiss to my shoulder to let me know he’s awake.
“Where’s Zoe?”
“Asleep in her crib.” His voice is thick with sleep. “Are you okay to take her? I have to head out for a bit.”
I frown. “Now?” I roll over so I can look at him.
His eyes are still closed. “It’s just a meeting.”
“Oh…” I guess the inevitable conversation will have to wait a little longer.
Marco opens his eyes and looks at me. “Clara?”
I force a smile, running a hand over his bare chest, reveling in the warmth of his skin beneath my fingers. “You were right. A good night’s sleep makes all the difference.”
The lie rolls easily off my tongue, and I hate it. But I won’t add to his worries just because even if I did fall into a deep sleep, it was plagued with nightmares, leaving me feeling even less rested than before.
My eyes feel dry, and a dull ache is pulsing at my temples.
Is this how it’s going to be from now on? My mind so consumed with guilt that I can’t even escape it with sleep?
I reach up to press a kiss to Marco’s lips when a crease forms between his eyebrows.
“Go, I’ll be fine.”
He hesitates, so I force another smile.
He sighs. “I’ll be back soon.”
Zoe wakes not long after Marco leaves, so I take my time feeding her, wanting to savor the alone time before I go downstairs and face the rest of the family.
I have a feeling Lila and Rosa are not going to be happy with what I did, but ultimately, it saved their lives, so they can’t really stay mad at me for long.
After dressing in some fresh sweats, I carry Zoe downstairs and into the kitchen. She babbles away, smiling at me with such innocence that it makes my heart hurt. She has no idea how close she came to losing both of her parents, and I hope she never has to know.
As expected, I find Lila in the kitchen standing over the stove and Holly perched in her highchair at the table, tucking into her lunch.
The moment Lila hears my footsteps she whirls around and lets out a sound halfway between a squeal and a cry.
Her arms are around me in an instant, and I hug her tightly.
“Oh, Clara. I’m so glad you’re all right.”
Zoe squeals with laughter as she’s sandwiched between Lila and me, which in turn makes the two of us laugh.
“I’m fine. We all are.”
“You have no idea how grateful I am—” Her blue eyes glisten with unshed tears. She looks as exhausted as I feel, with deep shadows under her eyes, and her usually tanned complexion is deathly pale. “I can never repay you for what you did for us.”
My cheeks heat. “It’s nothing. We’re family, it’s what we do.”
“It’s not nothing , Clara. You risked your life for us. For me and my children.” She places a hand on her abdomen, and my throat tightens.
I shift Zoe in my arms, looking away.
What I did was reckless, and if Marco hadn't shown up when he did, it’s likely I would have died in that cell. But it was for good reason.
I push the thought away. “It’s over now. We’re all okay. That’s what matters.”
Lila watches me for a long moment, as if she can sense there’s something I’m not telling her. But thankfully, she decides not to push the subject. “Sit down. I’m making you some food.”
I start to protest, but one look from her has me sighing and sliding into a chair. I know better than to argue with Lila when she’s made up her mind.
I keep Zoe on my lap, not wanting to let her go, as we sit with Holly. She happily chews on some banana as Lila gets to work making me some eggs, though I’m still not hungry.
Looking around the kitchen, everything looks exactly how it did before we left for the cabin. It’s like nothing ever happened but in my heart, I feel different.
What will happen to Ben now that Tommaso is dead?
As Lila sets down a plate piled high with eggs, bacon and toast in front of me, Rosa stumbles into the kitchen.
She’s wearing a pair of pink pajamas, and her dark hair looks like it hasn’t been brushed in days. When she sees me sitting at the table, she bursts into tears.
“Rosa, it’s okay.” I pull out a chair and pat it. “Come and sit.”
She plops down beside me, and I wrap my arm around her shoulders.
In such a short space of time, I’ve come to view myself as a sort of big sister to Rosa, and I hate that I worried her.
“Are you okay?”
Rosa nods, though the tears continue to pour down her cheeks. She wipes her eyes. “I was so worried. I thought you were dead.”
“I know, I’m sorry. But everything is fine now, I promise.”
Lila sniffs. “Now I’m going to cry.”
Holly looks at all of us with a slight panicked expression before her bottom lip starts to tremble.
Zoe starts to whine in my arms.
I shake my head. “No more tears. We don’t want to set the babies off.”
Lila jumps to her feet. “I’ll make you some food, Rosa.”
Even though I don’t want to let go of Zoe, I hand her over to Rosa in the hopes that some cuddles will make her feel better.
“Is Andre okay?” I ask when Lila sits back down at the table and hands Rosa a plate of food.
She gives me a tired smile. “He’s fine. He’s barely slept since you got back but other than that, he’s his usual self.”
Rosa lets out a laugh, which morphs into a sob.
I squeeze her hand.
Sometimes, I forget how young she is, and to have gone through what she has… She’s a hell of a lot stronger than I am, that’s for sure.
The three of us sit around the table, using the babies as a welcome distraction. Their infectious laughter and smiles lift all of our spirits, and I find myself feeling almost normal, as if the past twenty-four hours never happened.
For now, I let myself believe it.
After I’ve eaten, Rosa offers to watch Zoe while I go and take a much-needed shower. The smell of the cell still clings to my hair and skin, and I desperately want to scrub my body until it’s red raw.
But before that there’s one thing I need to do.
Once I’m alone in my room, I sit on the bed and pull my phone from the charging dock on the nightstand where it’s been since we left for the cabin.
There are dozens of messages and missed calls from Sam, but I can’t face her yet. I’m not sure I have the strength to lie through my teeth if she asks where I’ve been. I’m sure she’ll find out the truth eventually, but now is not that time.
I quickly delete all the message notifications before opening up the internet browser, hesitating for only a second before typing Ben Peterson prison escape into the search bar.
I hold my breath as dozens of articles pop up, and I cringe as my brother’s mugshot stares back at me from every headline.
Escaped convict still at large.
State-wide manhunt continues for Benjamin Peterson.
Public has been warned as dangerous felon evades arrest.
My stomach twists.
As I feared, every cop in the state is looking for him, and yet he hasn’t been found. How the hell is Ben managing to stay hidden now that Tommaso is dead?
Someone else must be helping him, someone just as dangerous as Tommaso.
Ben has gotten himself caught up in a dangerous web and if I’m not careful, Marco might just be dragged into it too.
I stare at his picture, my chest tightening as his green eyes look back at me.
The best-case scenario is that he gets caught and thrown back into prison. Maybe if that happens, I can avoid telling Marco the truth about him altogether…