Chapter 19 #2
“Sometimes when you think of something that makes you sad, or angry, it can help to awaken the magic. It’s a bit unpleasant, I’ll admit, but often trainers will try to goad the newly manifested into an emotional response.”
Kit is silent. That does sound unpleasant, and like something she’d prefer to avoid. She had a hard enough time getting through the grief when her mother died, when Finn broke her heart, and she’s not sure she wants to relive those experiences.
“I won’t goad you,” Amaltheia says. “But I’ll ask you to come up with a memory in your head that evokes a strong emotion and to keep thinking about it as you try to tap into the power. Does that make sense?”
Kit nods, wishing she didn’t have to do this. But if there’s a possibility that she could simply cure those that are ill on the Polaris, that she could use this power for something good, then she has to try.
“Alright.” Amaltheia sits on a wheeled chair and positions Kit across from her. “Close your eyes. Think of something that made you really angry or really sad recently.”
There are a lot of things, Kit thinks. Losing her mother the way she did. Leaving her dad behind on Lumaria. Losing Finn’s sister. Being incessantly questioned by Task about her work. Not being able to find anything to make meaningful progress on an antidote.
She fixes one in her mind: the day she lost Pruett, how helpless she’d felt yet again, Finn’s heartbreak.
“Now, keep that memory centered. Let it wash over you. Feel how you felt that day,” Amaltheia says. “And put your hands on the plant on your lap.”
Kit does so, and sinks more deeply into the memory, failure radiating through her limbs as she remembers not being able to save Pruett.
The despair multiplies, and suddenly she’s dragged down into it, drowning in the anguish, feeling the tears spilling over her cheeks as Luminary Oswald pats her back.
She’s gasping, trying to catch her breath as she makes her way through the darkness of that day, looking for any thread within herself to bring her back to the light.
And suddenly, she sees it. A spark that she walks towards, dragging her back up and out of the deep black of her memory, giving her breath again.
She feels it deep in her chest, and she tugs on it, and then a pulse of warmth shooting down her arms and out her fingers, and Amaltheia shouting somewhere faraway, “Yes! Yes! Keep going!”
Kit continues to tug, pulling at the thread as she climbs out of the pit of grief, suddenly reemerging in the starkly lit room, the flower in her lap fully alive.
“You did it!” Amaltheia stands up, clapping her hands and jumping. “I knew it. I knew it.”
Kit looks at the flower, dumbfounded. She doesn’t understand how she did it exactly, but she did. That flower was positively dead when she’d picked it up, one of the leaves falling off from dryness as she’d placed it in her lap. “Holy shit,” she whispers, staring at her hands.
“Kit,” Amaltheia breathes, after she’s calmed down, “this is huge.”
“You can’t tell anyone,” Kit says, almost immediately. “Not until I better understand it. Please.”
Amaltheia bites her lip.
“You haven’t told anyone, have you?” Kit demands, her stomach bottoming out.
“Not exactly. Not yet,” Amaltheia says.
“What do you mean?”
“We’re supposed to report it immediately to Governor Dormius when someone manifests,” Amaltheia explains. “Otherwise, it’s treason. But I…I haven’t reported it yet. Since I didn’t have all the evidence.”
“Please,” Kit almost begs, “don’t report it yet.”
Amaltheia swallows, tugging on her bottom lip, clearly nervous about disobeying what seems like an insane law to Kit.
“I will back you up if the governor ever finds out. I will lie and say you never knew. I promise. I just…I need to spend some time reckoning with this. I want to understand it before I involve your planet’s government. Please.”
“Alright,” Amaltheia says slowly, touching the tattoo behind her ear.
“Amaltheia,” Kit says, taking the other woman’s hand in her own, “I promise I will never disclose that you knew. You can trust me.”
“The punishment for treason is death,” Amaltheia says, still running her fingers over her tattoo. “My…my husband is still on Nexarium. And our child.”
Kit tilts her head, looking at Amaltheia anew. “Is that what the tattoo means?”
Amaltheia drops her hand, as if only now realizing she was touching it.
“Yes,” she says softly. “Everyone on Nexarium receives a set of three triangles when they’re born, indicating their commitment to the Governorship and the Consortium.
When we marry, one of the triangles turns blue, indicating our commitment to our partner.
” She smiles a bit. “And then, when you have a child, the third triangle turns purple to indicate our commitment to the family.”
“Everyone has them?” Kit asks. She hasn’t seen one on Task, but then, his neck and face are usually covered in the quarantine ward, and the last time she ran into him in the sundome, it was dark.
“Yes,” she nods. “It’s customary.”
“What’s your partner’s name? Your child?” Kit asks, sitting back down on the stool. Amaltheia drops down across from her, appearing exhausted.
“Ray. And Greta,” she replies. “Ray is a member of the Force, like many of the Mids. We’re still waiting for Greta to manifest, but we’re eager to see what power she’s been blessed with.”
“How old is she?”
“Two,” Amaltheia replies. “Here.” She pulls up a photo on her Chronogram, sharing it with Kit. The girl looks like her mother, a head full of blonde curls with chubby cheeks and wide blue eyes.
“She’s adorable,” Kit says, smiling. “She looks just like you.”
“I miss her every day,” Amaltheia says, “but when House Dormius calls, you don’t have much of a choice. And it’s really an honor to serve the Governor.”
The words are interesting to Kit, coming from a planet with a very different governing structure, one where there are popular votes and elections and people are not organized into a caste system based on their powers.
It’s strange to hear someone talk so reverently about their ruler.
Certainly Lumarians respect the Minister, but this feels deeper to Kit.
The fact that Amaltheia has agreed not to report this immediately, has offered to help her, is meaningful.
She takes Amaltheia’s hand again, meeting the other woman’s gaze. “I really appreciate this.”
Amaltheia bites her lip again and nods. “I think you have the power to change things, Kit. This power can change things.”