Chapter 32
KALINA
Alexsei came back to the room just as I finished preparing a small meal for Misha.
He didn’t have any lessons at the “school” today, but he was diligent to keep going with his studies at home and get ahead on a project.
All morning, he was in his room working on assignments, but he’d come out here for lunch and I realized I was hungry too.
When he showed up, I took a break from reading up on the material for my courses, and we spent some time chatting and making a simple pasta dish.
Alexsei had already told me that he’d be in meetings for most of the day, so I hadn’t thought to make him a full portion. We had plans to eat with the rest of the family tonight, so there was no sense in wasting food. I hated to waste anything that was given so freely here.
He strode into the room, and I glanced at the clock and cringed. “Oh, wow. I didn’t realize it was this late.” We were closer to dinnertime than lunch.
“You can have some of mine, Dad,” Misha offered.
What a sweetheart. He was always so generous and never greedy. I couldn’t wait for him to be a big brother. And he was just as excited as we were, already talking about what names we might choose.
I had spent so long dreaming of being independent and free, and I’d imagined that as a solitary existence. I’d never given time to consider how rewarding and fulfilling it was to be part of a ready-made family.
“Oh, no,” Alexsei replied. “We ate during the meeting.”
“Good,” Misha said, getting up and taking his second plate to his room to resume his studies, the dish in one hand and an open book in the other.
I smiled, watching as I brought the dishes to the kitchen. Alexsei picked up the rest and brought it over to me.
“Do you have a minute?”
“For you?” I teased. “You can have all of my minutes. What’s up?”
“We discussed taking out the Riveras at that meeting.”
Preoccupied with the auto pilot task of putting away dishes in the small kitchen that was a part of this suite, I didn’t make eye contact with him. This was big news, though, and I wanted to listen well.
I wasn’t nervous to face Alexsei, but at the mention of the men who almost kidnapped and killed me at the cabin, it was instinct to think about Erik and Yusef.
About how much I wanted them to never threaten me or my children again. I already saw Misha as my son, and I hated that they’d ever scared him.
I was carried away with the raging thought about how much I wished I could kill them myself and make the two of them pay for all that they’d done to me for fourteen long years.
“We’ll go tomorrow on this mission,” he said. “We have the team in place and we have a strategy in mind.”
I nodded, wishing I could be part of it.
“Simon has also been very careful about screening everyone involved on this task force. We won’t leave anything to chance and risk any other moles or traitors to thwart us.”
“Good.” I glanced at him. “I can’t bear the thought of any of you being hurt.”
It was so rewarding and fulfilling to be part of a ready-made family with this father and son, but I was also fond of everyone here, all the Dubinins who had welcomed me and given me the space and patience to recover from my trauma.
While he didn’t go into too many details, he loosely described how they were going to ambush the Riveras in Little Italy, out of a building they were hiding in.
He didn’t seem ready to share graphic facts, but I wasn’t really interested in them, anyway.
What I was most interested in was if this plan of action would include taking out my brother and his enforcer.
Once he finished talking to me and sharing information about something that mattered to me so heavily, I found him watching me.
“I meant it when I promised to keep you safe.”
I turned to him then, hugging him and savoring the heat from his hard body that always made me feel secure and calm. “I know. And I believe you. I trust you.”
He sighed. “I feel like there is a but coming.”
Yeah, he knew how to read me that well. “It’s just that you didn’t mention anything about Erik or Yusef.”
He shook his head. “They haven’t been spotted.”
“Anywhere?”
“Some of us are under the impression that maybe the Riveras have them. They could be holding them, and the reason we can’t find any trace of them is because Marco Rivera himself has captured them after the fallout from the arrangement with you.”
“Or they could be hiding somewhere else,” I guessed, well aware of how mobile they were to avoid being caught for anything.
He nodded. “At this point, we don’t have enough conclusive intel to know where they are.”
I refused to let that be a negative dead end. “So they could be there tomorrow, where you’re going?”
“Yes, there is a chance.”
I licked my lips and gathered my courage. “If they are there, I want to be present to kill them.”
He furrowed his brow instantly. “You want to come?”
“I don’t want to be left out of getting this closure.”
He released me, stepping back and shaking his head. “Kalina…”
“I don’t want to be left out of this. It matters too much to me. It has been my vindictive revenge I’ve plotted for years.”
“I know, but—”
“Please don’t tell me no.”
He frowned.
“I need this for closure. Killing my tormentors and paying them back for all they’ve done…”
“I’m not telling you no, Kalina. I haven’t and never will try to tell you what to do. I’ve been very careful not to. This is the one exception.”
I shook my head, determined not to be sidelined.
“I refuse to risk your safety.”
Clamping my lips together, I exhaled through my nose.
“It’s not only you that I need to protect, but also our child. This baby.” He stepped back toward me and rested his hand on my stomach with that gentle and possessive touch he had reserved for me.
I lowered my gaze and sighed. I understood where he was coming from, but this was literally a once-in-a-lifetime chance.
“You are pregnant, and while you are healthy and fit and have shown that you are a quick learner in the range, I can’t bear to risk your being near danger.”
I nodded, but it wasn't an agreement. I understood his point. I really did. When I mentioned to Sadie how much I wished I could kill my brother and his friend, she warned me against making the mistake of not trusting Alexsei to do that for me, to give him that chance to be my hero. She had been insistent on going with Emil on a mission that she’d started as an FBI agent.
She’d wanted to go along on the mission for closure to her last official case, but she was further along in her pregnancy then.
In fact, she’d gone into labor the day of the mission, when Emil was hours away.
I cringed, imagining how selfish and greedy he might think I sounded.
“I know,” I repeated. “And I hate for you to ever think that I would risk this new life and be careless while I’m carrying him or her.”
He kissed my brow.
“But when I imagine having the chance to take a step and participate in fighting back against all that I suffered, it’s with you there. Having my back. Protecting me. All while I do the dirty work of pulling the trigger.”
He sighed, watching me with those patient blue eyes.
“If it matters that much to you…”
I blinked in surprise.
“I might be able to compromise,” he admitted seriously.
“You can?” I started to smile, my excitement reignited with the dangerous thrill of getting closure and revenge.
“I could allow you to be there. Nearby and watching. But please, Kalina. I can’t bear the thought of losing you or your being harmed. I beg you to trust me to handle this for you. For our future.”
Our future.
I was supposed to be looking forward, not back at the past I wanted to escape from.
Yet, with his compromise and gentle, guiding love, I knew that this one last goal of mine, this secret dream, would be the final nail to hammer into place so I could leave my sordid past behind me.