Chapter FourteenAll That I Can Give
Chapter Fourteen:
All That I Can Give
Levi
Fucking finally.
There’s no turning back now. Before this tour is over Sidney Crane will be mine, and I’ll be sure to never fuck it up.
Right now he still has the urge to run away — he didn’t even take the time to get pants on — but before long, he’ll be sleeping in here with me and truly be my fuck doll. And a whole lot more.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed more until after I came and it wasn’t enough, but now that I know I want so much more than sex, our inevitability is crystal clear. I want him to be mine in every possible way.
But god, I want to fuck him. Having him like this felt more like a tease than anything, and I feel myself hardening just at the thought of sinking inside of him. Patience. I have to find patience.
I ignore my cock and pull my sweatpants back up so I can nap before the show, but when more insistent banging begins on my door, I nearly shove them right back off. I guess my baby boy needs more too.
With a grin, I make my way over and tug it open. “You can let yourself in, y’know?” But my cock instantly softens when I see this isn’t the right pretty boy. It’s Bash. “I thought you were someone else. I take it back, you need to keep knocking. What’s up?”
“You might want to let me in first,” he says flatly, pushing past me and shutting the door for me. “Do you want to tell me why my handler just waddled back to his trailer wearing a shirt I swear is yours and... literally nothing else?”
Eyes widening, I try to come up with an excuse, but my brain never did work that fast. “Uh... we were smoking and his pants caught fire. You know how dramatic he is, he took everything off. I didn’t even realize he stole my shirt.”
His pants caught fire? Like the liar liar I am? Fuck. Still, the fact that he decided to take my shirt has a dumb, lazy smile spreading across my face. Yeah, that boy is mine.
“Mhm. And where are these smouldering pants?” he asks, digging through the pile of clothes on the floor. “Are they invisible as well as flammable?”
“In the... toilet?” Fuck it. “Alright, fine. I lied. We kind of fucked around a little bit.” The fact that Bash told me he’d punch me in the face if I ever fucked Sidney and tossed him aside shoves its way to the forefront of my brain, so I instantly hold out my hands.
“It’s all good though. It wasn’t a one time thing, we’re going to keep fucking. ”
He huffs, staring at me for a moment. “And Sidney knows this?”
“Of course. We talked about it right before he left. I don’t know why he rushed out of here like that. Everything was good. Great actually, he said he’d come see me before the show in case I need him, and then booked it. I think he got shy.”
“If there’s one thing I know about him, it’s that there’s zero chance he’d get up and leave after finally getting to fuck you unless you did something incredibly stupid. So go on, spill. What stupid, stupid thing did you say?”
Frowning, I bite back my argument and take a moment to think about how the conversation went, then play it back for him as well as I can.
“His energy shifted a little after he told me to keep my mouth shut about it all, but that was his idea. I left that up to him. Which means you can’t repeat none of this.
You didn’t see shit, I didn’t tell you shit, alright? ”
“I’ve kept my mouth shut this fucking long, haven’t I? But you need to back up a little bit. It sounds to me like he was asking if you were ready for the kinds of conversations you’d have to have if people saw you and you said no.”
Huh? Damnit, I wish I could remember exactly how he said it. “How was I supposed to catch that?”
“By using your ears, dicksweat. You held off for years because you know how fragile he is, I’m just telling you to be careful. That’s all.”
“I thought I was being careful, but now I see I fucked it up again.” Scratching at my head, I move to collapse on the bed and try to think of a way to fix it. “What do I do, Bash? I want him happy, but every single time I get close it becomes clear as fuck that he’d be happier without me.”
“Maybe try leading with something other than ‘be my secret fuckdoll’ to the man who just spent months watching his boyfriend fuck other people. Did you know that? I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you that, but whatever.
Cat’s out.” He grabs a beer and sits down, cracking it loudly. “What’s your end goal here, Cross?”
Drinking about thirty of those so I can go back to pretending everything was fine like I was five minutes ago.
That seems like it would take way too long though, so instead I grab a couple Oxy from my nightstand and swallow them dry.
“I want to be what he needs,” I admit. “But he’s one of those people that will tell me everything is fine to my face while he’s dying inside.
How can you ever be what someone needs if they suffer in fucking silence?
How do I grow into the man he deserves if I’m too stupid to figure it out myself and he won’t speak up?
I’m not a mind reader, Bash. I barely know what the fuck is going on in my own head. ”
“Then figure that out first. Keep doing whatever it is you two are doing until you sort your own shit out, then tell him. One of you is eventually going to have to put your big boy pants on, and from what I just witnessed streaking across the parking lot, it won’t be Sid.”
I don’t know why, but even with everything going on, I smile at the visual. He’s so fucking cute it hurts. “Did you see his ass?”
My smile instantly fades when I realize people might have seen him half naked, but Bash shakes his head. “Your shirt was long enough and I was the only one out there, so don’t worry about whatever just made you quit smiling.”
“You can keep your creepy, orange eyes then,” I joke, but it’s actually not really a joke. I don’t want anyone seeing him. “So you’re not mad about us? We have Lord Sebastian’s approval?”
“Depends on what happens when it shakes out,” he says with brutal honesty. “If you’re just in it to fuck him, then he knows what he’s getting into and I can’t say shit about it. He’s a grown man. But if you make him believe you guys can be more and then blow it? Yeah, I’m gonna be pissed.”
“Then I just can’t blow it.”
Sounds simple enough, but when is anything ever simple?
Bash leaves soon after looking a little more disappointed in me than I would have liked, but it is what it is.
Within minutes I pass out with my hand in my pants, and wake a little while later to knocking.
It’s much softer this time, but somehow I know it’s exactly who I want it to be, so I call out to him instead of getting up.
“Come in.” I feel so damn good right now, the only thing that can make it better is Sidney — even if I can’t tell if he looks more excited or nervous when he enters. “Hi.”
“Hey. Sorry I’m a little late, Bash needed me.” He shuts the door behind him and comes over to the bed, sitting next to me. “How are you?”
“M’great.” He’s not wearing my shirt anymore, but he looks so damn good I can’t stop myself from reaching out and pulling him down to cuddle me. “How are you?”
He shrugs as he settles in, glancing up to meet my eyes, and his smile fades. “Your pupils are really small. Oxy again?”
“A little yeah. I think I took one or two? Voices are quiet now.”
He doesn’t say anything back, just lays down and hooks one of his legs over mine. I swear I can feel his heart beating, and it’s so fucking soothing my eyes flutter closed again. “You were in my dream.”
“Yeah?” he asks softly. “What was it about?”
“It was kind of a mindfuck.” I chuckle. “We were holding hands and running and right before I woke up I saw we were running from me. But I was the one holding your hand? Dreams never make sense.”
“No, that one I’m pretty sure I get,” he mumbles, but only snuggles closer so that can’t be a bad thing, right? “Are you gonna be okay tonight?”
“Mmhm. How much time do I have?”
I can’t stop myself from nuzzling in like we have all night, but Sid shuts that down anyway. “About twenty minutes, less if you’re not dressed already.”
Fuck.
I get up as fast as I can, but the pills seem to have me moving in slow motion as I wash up in the bathroom and come back out butt naked. “What am I wearing tonight?”
I lose my balance a little as I tug some fresh boxers out of the drawer, so Sid gets up and sits me back down.
Watching him go from cuddly to handler almost makes me feel guilty, but I can’t deny it’s nice to just sit here as he picks out my outfit, helps me brush my teeth, and fixes my hair for me.
“You’re cute,” I say before I can stop it, and I want to kiss him so badly right now my fingers twitch with the urge to pull him in.
But I don’t have time for anything right now, and this would be a great time for a bump to even myself out.
I told him I wouldn’t do coke though, so I don’t propose that and chug water instead.
“Will you come back here after the show, pretty boy?”
“Yeah, otherwise I have a plug in my ass for nothing.”
Well that’s a way to sober a guy up fast. “Have?” This time I can’t stop myself from grabbing him and tugging him in by his throat with my jeans still unbuttoned. “You have one in right now?”
He nods sheepishly as he blushes. “Yes.”
Bash is crazy. No way he prepped himself for me if I fucked things up earlier, and even though I’m high as fuck, he’s still looking at me with hope.
“All for me?” I ask darkly, flicking my tongue along his jaw as I press my cock against him.
“Only for you,” he whispers. “But we have to wait until after now. I was hoping to put the plug back in and hold your cum inside me while you played, but maybe another time.”
“Fuuuck,” I groan, pinning him to me a second longer before I relent. “I’m going to go insane up there, baby boy. I won’t be able to think about anything else.”
“Me either. Every time I move, I feel it.” His lips brush my collarbone. “I don’t know if I’ll make it.”
My fingers curl at my sides as I step back. “You’ll make it.” I tilt his gaze up to mine with my finger. “You’ll make it for me, won’t you?”
He nods with a quiet little whimper, and I don’t need to be sober to see the way his eyes change. He’d do anything to please me no matter what it is. “Yes.”
“That’s my boy. I’m going to make you come so many times tonight, Sid. You’ve earned so fucking many.”
I pull myself away before he makes me kiss the life out of him, and I can only hope he feels the loss like I do. He deserves to be kissed until his knees give out.
“I uh... We should go. Are you ready?”
I give myself one more second to stare at him before I nod and take my leave, but I don’t look back. If I look back, I’ll say “fuck the show” and choose to stay with him, but our fans deserve more than that.
“About fucking time,” Carter blurts near the entrance, but I roll my eyes because I know he wasn’t actually looking for me before now. If he was, he would have found me. “Bash was about to flip.”
Of course he was. His wife is in the crowd, and he’s as sick of my shit as everyone else is. I snatch Carter’s water bottle and chug it only to learn it’s fucking vodka. “What the fuck?”
“What? You thought I was standing here trying to get hydrated or some shit?”
“No,” I say incredulously. “I said what the fuck because it’s in a water bottle. Are you seventeen?”
Chuckling, he snatches it back and drinks more. “Security at this venue are killjoys. They wouldn’t let me go out front with the bottle, and I got a girl out there.”
I can’t with this fucker. Shoving past him, I rush backstage and ignore all the people yelling at me for being late, and as they hook up my IEM I see Bash glaring at me next to the stage.
I offer him an innocent shrug, but he turns away like a disappointed father and tosses me the middle finger. I deserve that.
As I pass him to enter, the dickhole kicks me in the ass so hard I stumble out onto stage. It should piss me off that the first couple of rows are laughing at me, but it doesn’t. Again, I deserved that.
I’m not going to let anyone get me down right now, especially after I spot Sidney standing in front of the barricade. The blush that overtakes his cheeks when I wink at him is so beautiful I grin in spite of everything.
He’s wearing a plug for me right now because he wants my cock inside of him tonight, and nothing can pull me down from that high.
I just have to put on a good show and get through the set so I can make him proud.
The crowd screams as Bash makes his entrance, and I try hard to live in the moment and push that tight little ass from my mind.
Too bad I fail miserably.