Chapter Four Obsession
Chapter Four:
Obsession
Alaina
“You’re vibrating,” Brooke laughs, and I nearly deck her as we get a little closer to Bash. I only managed to snag two meet and greets so each one counts, especially since the tour is nearly half over already.
I can’t screw this up.
But how do I explain that? How do I make her understand that he’s the only human I’ve ever met that didn’t take anything from me?
My parents were serial killers. The most prolific married duo in history, actually.
I had my suspicions when I was young, but the true scale, the true horrors weren’t made clear to me until they were arrested.
All I knew before that is that sometimes they didn’t feed me, they rarely paid any attention to me at all, and when they did.
.. I got hurt. I was always in the way. My mom used to call me her shield, she’d pet me and hold me and tell me how precious I was because I was shielding them, and then a couple of days would go by and I’d ask for a little bit of food as my stomach devoured my insides and she’d hit me for even asking.
From what I’ve been able to piece together, they were only nice to me in the hours and days immediately following a kill. I was their shield because no one suspects parents to be killers, not like that. The Golden State Killer got away with his crimes for decades simply because he was a family man.
But no one knew I existed. I didn’t have a social or even a birth certificate until I was put into foster care, so I wasn’t much of a shield. I didn’t help stop suspicion, I think I raised it. People started noticing the little emaciated girl who didn’t go to school, who rarely left the house.
I was their sword.
And even my adoptive parents took their fair share from me, from the stipends they received, the labor they got from me, and the societal clout every time they told someone what heroes they were.
Build and break and fucking rot.
Bash was different. He was just a kid like me, but he shared food, drinks, blankets with me. He gave me a safe space to run to with no strings attached, and in his own way, he taught me things my parents never did.
So I can’t screw this up.
“One more,” she rushes out excitedly, and anxiety grips me so tightly I can almost picture the walls I’ve built cracking and crumbling to the point where all that insidious rot will be spilled on the floor at Sebastian’s feet.
I nearly run.
“This way,” someone calls, ushering us into the room, and I immediately spot them.
Levi says something that has Yasmin smacking his arm and Bash nearly cackling, and suddenly I’m afraid if I open my mouth, I’ll vomit every terrible thing that ever happened to me.
“Fuck. Go first,” I beg quietly. “Please?”
“I got you,” she whispers, then steps out in front with her ponytail swinging. “I can only imagine what he said to get that type of reaction,” she jokes, and all of their eyes land on her. Or most of them, because one set of orange ones immediately lock with mine.
What was I so worried about?
This is Bash. There’s very little recognition on his face, which means he doesn’t know who I really am.
I’m the only one making this weird.
”Hi,” I say with the most genuine smile I’ve mustered in years, but I direct it at Yasmin. “I hope he deserved it.”
I feel him watching me as we walk closer, and he takes a single step forward. I’d have missed it if I wasn’t acutely aware of every move he makes.
“Of course he did,” she says, grinning as Levi rubs his arm.
“No, I didn’t. I’m an angel.”
My heart flutters as I keep the lead singer in my peripheral. “I don’t know about angel, but you are pretty amazing... not that you need me to tell you that.”
Bash moves to the middle of the group to stand next to me, and he smells so good it’s hard to focus. Bracing myself, I glance up to meet his eyes directly for the first time since we were kids.
“And what about me, hmm?” Bash licks his lips. “Would you call me an angel?”
Levi says something back to me, but I can’t make out a single word.
“Hmm,” I stall. “No. Angels don’t seem like much fun.”
“I agree.” He winks at me before turning his attention to the camera, then leans in to whisper into my ear, “Were you at the last few shows?”
My stomach flips violently, but it feels like validation. There were thousands of people there, and probably at least a couple hundred close enough to see. He noticed me. “Yeah. I actually bought tickets to the whole tour.” My cheeks heat up as he offers me a wide, genuine smile.
“Yeah? That’s badass. I was starting to think you were a ghost.”
I’m not just any ghost, I’m your ghost.
“Why’s that?” I ask, with butterflies erupting so violently in my chest I have to clench my fists. “Do I look dead?”
His gaze sweeps my frame like he’s searching for some sort of injury before he shakes his head. “Nah. Permission to check for a pulse?”
He holds up two fingers with a mischievous glint in his eyes, but I’m being ushered from the room before he can touch. It wasn’t enough time.
I didn’t even get to tell him my name.
Fuck.
I had him right there in front of me and I froze. He even gave me the perfect opening and I blew it, but maybe it’s better this way.
Maybe this is a mistake. He’s got everything he could ever want, why would he think my intentions are pure? Even if I told him, and even if he believed me, what next? I’m an anecdote he tells at parties and apparently during some interviews, but that’s it.
“Quit spiraling,” Brooke hisses, grabbing my arm to keep me moving.
Oh, Brooke.
If only I could.