9. Chapter 9
Aspen
Ava’s words bounce around in my mind; the more I think about it, the more I think she is right. That thought is utterly terrifying. At this point, I can’t tell if I am nauseous again or if it’s anxiety.
There is only one way to find out if she was right, and unfortunately, I live in the world's smallest town, and if I buy a pregnancy test right now, it will have looped back to everyone who has ever stepped foot in Windy Peaks by noon tomorrow.
So that is not an option, but I do have a very pregnant friend who, if I know her, and I do, probably bought twelve when she thought she was pregnant just to be sure.
Hopefully, after six positive tests, she accepted it and has some extras lying around.
I plop down onto my couch, pull out my phone, and dial Ava.
“Hey, what’s up?” she asks.
“Are you alone right now?” I ask, nervously chewing on my bottom lip. I cannot believe this is happening to me right now.
“Yeah, Maverick hasn’t made it home yet. I think the boys are still at the ranch. What's up?”
I throw my phone free hand over my eyes, as if blocking out the world would make the next words any easier. “Do you have any extra pregnancy tests laying around?” I borderline whisper, scared someone can overhear me in my own empty house.
“I do. Do you want me to drop off a couple?”
“Yeah, I just…” My words trail off.
“I know the feeling. I will drop them off before Maverick gets home so he doesn’t see. I’ll be at your place in about twenty minutes. Do you want me to take them with you or just drop them off?”
She is the most considerate person in the world, one of many reasons I love her. “If you could just leave them in my mailbox, that would be great.” Seeing people isn’t really on my list of things to do while I am in the middle of an existential crisis.
“If you are, then is the dad who I think it is?” she asks, probably knowing that’s where a lot of fear is coming from.
“Yeah. But I don’t want to talk about it until it’s a real thing.”
“Fair enough. I’m getting in my car now; I’ll knock so you know when to check your mailbox.”
Rhett would make an amazing dad; I have no fears in that regard, but a baby is very much breaking the rules that what we had was casual, temporary. I try to remind myself this is all hypothetical. He uses condoms, I’m on the pill, but I’m not always the best at taking it.
I’m probably just tired from working; there’s no way this test will come back positive.
It’s almost amusing how committed I am to talking myself off the ledge right now.
I startle when I hear the knock on the door; if I thought my heart was pounding before, it’s really going now. This one little test could change everything.
I run to my mailbox in slippers and sweatpants, freezing my ass off. I grab the two tests and dart back inside.
Not bothering to go to my own bathroom toward the back of my house, I make a pit stop at the closest one in the hallway.
I quickly Google how to take the test. “Okay, so I just need to pee in a cup, dip for five seconds, and then wait.” I follow the instructions to a T, not wanting to have to doubt the answer.
With shaking hands, I take the test and set it on the counter to process. In five minutes, I will know if my life is going to change. I stare at it, as if that will make time go by any faster.
“You’re being crazy, Aspen. Step away from the test,” I scold myself, walking out of the bathroom and back into the living room. Thank God I don’t have roommates with how often I talk to myself; they would think I was insane.
The second I sit down, there’s a knock at my door. Before I even get the chance to open it, my brother comes barreling in.
“What’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to let yourself in?” I quirk up a brow.
“Uh, I told you I would be coming by yesterday; you asked if I could bring a space heater?”
I guess in all the chaos of my thoughts, I forgot. “Oh yeah, well thanks.”
Weston, being the terrible house guest that he is, starts walking down my hallway. “I drank a shit ton of water today and have to pee like a racehorse.”
Normally, my brother needing to pee wouldn't be a problem; in fact, I actually like it when he walks around my place like he owns it. It can get lonely living by yourself and the company is nice, but today is the exception.
He steps into the bathroom, closing the door behind him, and I look for a surface I can crawl under to die because my big brother is going to see a pregnancy test on that counter.
It might take him a second, because he is a man and I swear they have tunnel vision, but he’s going to see it, and he’s going to have questions and I’m going to have to pretend I'm doing a science experiment or something. Which he won’t buy for a second...
Fuck me. This is what I get for screwing around with my brother's best friend, it must be bad karma or something.
I sit on the couch and bury my face in my hands. My cheeks are so hot from the embarrassment that the warmth from them sinks into my palms. This is literally the worst thing that could have happened.
Actually, my dad seeing it would have been worse, so we will look at that as the world's smallest bright side.
Weston comes barreling out of the bathroom like a loose cannon. “Aspen, why the fuck is there a pregnancy test in the bathroom?”
“I feel like you’re smart enough to know the answer to that question.” I shoot off the couch and dart to the bathroom. I need to see if there are two lines.
I step foot into my bathroom and look down at the test. Two lines stare back at me. The test line is so dark, it's stealing dye from the control line. I am very, very pregnant. There is no hiding it.
So many emotions slam into me at once that I can’t control the tears that start to fall, my breathing becomes erratic and I realize I’m having a panic attack.
I vaguely hear Weston's footsteps as he comes to stand in the door frame. “Aspen, it’s okay. Take a deep breath.” He places his hand on my shoulder, trying to steady me.
His hand is like kerosine to my flame of panic, it takes off again, I try to answer, “I don’t, I can’t…fuck.” Tears fall rapidly now.
“I’m gonna get you some water. It’s okay, Aspen. I’ve got you.”
I’m not sure exactly what I expected from him, but him tugging me in for a hug, and squeezing the panic out of me was not it. His embrace settles my nerves. “It’s going to be okay, Aspen. Just breathe,” he instructs and I follow his lead, I always have.
Once I get my bearings, he pulls away, clearly he’s got a lot going on in his head too because his brows are knitted together and I think he wants to kill the man that got me pregnant. Too bad that person is his best friend.
Now that I’m breathing I can start to think clearly. I wipe my eyes and take one more steadying breath as Weston leaves the room to get my water.
Holy shit, I’m going to be a mom.
A wave of uncertainty washes over me. Am I even ready to be a mom?
I figured when this time came, I’d be more settled.
I wanted my kids to come from a home full of love, just like I did.
I’ve known about this baby for all of five minutes, and the love that I have for them is already growing.
It’s like a piece of me changed and snapped into place when I saw that second line.
So, maybe, just maybe. My love will be enough.
He hands me the water. “So I take it the baby daddy is a deadbeat? Is that why you’re freaking out? It’s not the guy from the bar, is it?” he asks.
“No. It’s not him and it’s not that. I’m going to need some time to process this before I’m ready to talk. I need to tell the dad and, well, can you please keep this between us for a bit? I’ll let you know when I figure things out, okay?”
He studies me for a moment. Trying to figure out what I’m not telling him. “Okay,” he nods, “I just want you to know, no matter what happens, you won’t be alone; I won’t allow that. I’ll be there for you anyway you need.”
My heart swells and breaks all at the same time, and I question whether he will still feel that way after he finds out who the dad is. I know he is going to feel betrayed. That thought, however, is far too much for me to deal with right now.
“Thank you, Weston.” I lean in for another hug. “I think I need some time alone for now. I promise I’m okay. I’ll call you later.”
He steps back and nods. “Alright, you call if you need anything.” He leaves me alone with my thoughts.
I walk back to the bathroom and grab the test up off the counter, staring at it.
I’ve always wanted kids eventually, so the thought of being a mom doesn’t scare me.
Having to tell the man who didn't want feelings involved, on the other hand? Terrifying. He’ll do the right thing, I know he will, but will he resent me for it?
My mind whirls while I stare at the test in my hands, sinking down to the floor, drowning in fear and doubt.