31. Chapter 31
Aspen
The end of pregnancy has been kicking my ass.
I've got about two months left and ‘exhausted’ is my lone personality trait. This is what I get for thinking the nausea would be the worst of it. Hell, I almost made it through the whole first trimester before I even realized something was off. Now, it’s hard to miss.
My ankles are small basketballs. I’ve been living in slip-on shoes because I don’t think I can get my foot into my regular shoes. In fact, I'm glad it's sandal season, except for the part where everyone will be able to see my feet have turned into sausages.
I take one last swig from my water bottle, hoping to knock this headache down a peg or two.
Maverick called Rhett for help. Willow dragged my brother out of town for a date day.
He needed it, some space from this town and to get his mind off it all.
He’s talking to Rhett, but only work-related.
He’s not usually the type to hold on to anger this long.
I’d love for them to hash it out before the baby comes, but I know the second West sees Rhett as a dad, and how committed he is, it’ll be water under the bridge.
I hate that I lied to him, but I don’t know if there would have been a different way for Rhett and me to work out. He only took that test for the baby and me, and he never would have been open to love without knowing.
I get out of my car. These appointments are my favorite, simply because I get to hear my sweet boy's heartbeat.
It is absolutely wild that in a few short weeks I will be a mom.
Responsible for a whole child. My life has changed so rapidly in the last few months that sometimes I skim over the joy that is coming.
It takes a few minutes to get checked in and brought back to the office.
I stare at the diagram of a woman's body with a baby in it; the joy I was feeling a few minutes ago is now replaced with a healthy amount of fear thinking about having to give birth.
Mothering will be easy for me. I had the best example.
Giving birth? That terrifies me. How do my parts ever go back to normal after that?
A knock at the door has my gaze switching to the doctor walking through it.
“Good afternoon, Aspen. How are you feeling today?”
“Pregnant. Very pregnant.”
“Well, great news, that is to be expected.” She chuckles a little bit, probably at how miserable I look.”If you want to lay back, we can do heart tones and measurements.”
“My favorite part,” I say, eagerly laying back onto the cold bed.
“Mine too, the sound of a healthy heartbeat never gets old.” Her face lights up in a way that tells me she loves this job.
I’d argue that most of us in healthcare do.
But being on the other side of the curtain, it’s nice to see there is still so much heart in our field.
“This is going to be a little cold,” she says as she squeezes the jelly onto my stomach.
Within a few short seconds, the rhythmic sound of a heart thumping fills the room, and utter peace fills me. The longer this life grows in me, the more I feel that peace. It’s almost as if things are falling directly into place and I really had nothing to do with it at all.
“Alright, we love to hear that. Heartbeat is good, and you’re measuring right on track.
Now let’s get into the not-so-fun stuff.
Your blood pressure is looking pretty elevated.
I’m going to have my nurse check it again before you leave, but I’m going to run some labs on you.
If it comes out high again, I'd like you to check it yourself twice a day. You work as a nurse so I don’t think you need to come in and have us do it since it’s quite the drive here. ”
I nod my head. “Yeah. I can absolutely do that. If it stays elevated, what do we do?”
She rolls her chair back over to the desk to start typing on her computer, my guess is to put in orders.
She turns around back to me. “If it stays high, I’d like to put you on something like labetalol.
We would induce early as well, as early as thirty-seven weeks depending on your symptoms. We’d also give you a steroid to help with the baby's lungs.”
I nod my head; if my blood pressure was high before, I can only imagine what it is now.
The peace I felt earlier has rapidly evaporated, leaving me with a nagging sense of worry. Up till this point, the only part of carrying a baby that scared me was the giving birth part, now I’m questioning if this was my fault.
“Did I do something wrong? I don’t remember a lot about maternal care from my nursing school days. I live in the ER where we have a healthy fear of tiny humans in the womb.”
She throws her head back in laughter. "I’m glad that’s a universal experience.
I don’t think I ever experience fear like I do when an ER doc calls with a pregnant mom in their ER.
To answer your question, no. There is nothing you did wrong.
It has to do with the placenta and how it was formed.
” She reaches forward and places a hand on my knee.
“Truly, there is nothing you did, okay?”
I nod, suddenly feeling emotional. Like I’m failing this tiny man before I even get started.
“I’m going to write down the values to look for on your lab work in case you want to look it up yourself as it loads to your portal.
In the meantime, if you experience edema on your legs, headaches, or anything that makes your gut feel off, come in.
Listen to your gut; a mother’s intuition will never lead her wrong. ”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath in, trying to ease my heart rate; stress does not help with blood pressure.
Working in the ER, stress is my bread and butter; I thrive off it.
I think back to all of the stress I've felt thus far. Finding out I’m pregnant, having to tell Rhett, Rhett potentially having a life-altering disease, having to hide the information from my family, and I still have more coming up.
She hands me the paper with the lab values.
“Here is this. I am going to print your labs off. I will need you to drop off the twenty-four-hour urine at the closest lab. They will get it to our office.” She goes over the instructions for the urine.
Peeing in a giant cup all day sounds like the cherry on top of it all.
Rhett is going to be a bit freaked out. Hell, the poor guy might end up needing blood pressure meds himself after our last few months together.
“Okay, if you need anything, call the office. I’m writing you a doctor's note, as I need you to take it down a notch at work. Twenty-four hours a week. Longer breaks, and make sure you’re wearing those compression socks.”
My head feels like a damn bobble head with all of the nodding I’ve done at this appointment. For a girl who never shuts the fuck up, I sure am having a tough time finding words about this all.
She heads out of the office and her nurse comes back in, handing me a pamphlet, my pee jug, and a slap on the shoulder.
I walk out to the car feeling more overwhelmed than ever and I know just the guy who can make it all better.