Chapter 2
NONI
“Why you outside?”
I turned to see Red. Taking a deep breath, I shook my head and went back inside with him on my heels. He gently grabbed my arm, causing me to stop walking. When he got in front of me, he said, “It’s something, Noni. You gon’ lie to my face?”
I slightly rolled my eyes. “Red, you know what it is. Don’t play dumb. That shit ain’t cute.”
I walked away from him and went to the kitchen to get another boudin. As I loaded my plate with nacho chips to go along with it, Maui appeared next to me. She didn’t say anything, so I didn’t either. I went to the table and sat, preparing to eat my food. Ace sat next to me as I ate a chip.
“What’s up, girl?”
“Hey.”
“You know all you gotta do is say the word if that nigga fucking up, right?”
“He’s not fucking up, Ace. Now move so I can eat.”
“Well, somebody in y’all fucking quartet is fucking up. The one person I know it ain’t is Carter Legend. That nigga so focused on bull riding, he ain’t got time for shit else. So who is it?”
“Didn’t I say for you to fucking move around, nigga?”
He smirked at me. “Uh-huh. Y’all two the muthafuckas. We gon’ talk. Where the fuck Seven went?”
“He had to take Iesha home. She had shit to do for the business.”
He nodded and stood from the table. “Yeah. I’ma get to the bottom of this shit, and when I do, both of y’all asses gon’ be in the fucking hot seat. Everybody can tell y’all ain’t getting along, so I don’t know why y’all being all hush-hush about the shit.”
I rolled my eyes, wishing everyone could stop trying to fix it.
Bali was the only one who could fix this.
She dictated everything we did, but because I wouldn’t allow her to dictate my love life, it was a problem.
This shit was partially my fault for going along with shit all these years.
It felt like I was changing up on her. I was.
I explained that to her ass, but she didn’t want to hear it.
Red sat next to me with another plate of his own.
I could see him glancing at me. Just as he was about to say something, Asad approached, calling him away for whatever reason.
I was happy for that interference because I hated showing my sensitivity.
Bali and I were more alike than we were different, especially in regard to our emotions.
That was why when we bumped heads, it was intense. This time was different though.
It felt like we were no longer connected.
We weren’t getting along, but I knew, eventually, we would make up.
The part I was worried about was how she and Red would get along.
Neither of them bit their tongues for shit.
Bali was ready to fuck him up a couple of times.
How would I be happy in my relationship if Bali wouldn’t come around while I was with Red Squared?
I was trying not to allow her to come between him and me, but it was getting harder by the day.
I missed her so much. Although I was different in my relationship, I was still the same Noni. I wouldn’t make it without Bali, no matter how much I was trying to prove my independence. I knew she wouldn’t make it without me either. She just hated seeing me relinquish control to Red.
Red was a nigga’s nigga. His temper was off the fucking charts at times, even worse than mine.
I knew if I calmed down some, he would, too.
It was like he fed off whatever energy I was putting out there.
Most times, whenever he was around Carter, he was laid-back.
With me, he was somewhat pushy, but I knew that was because I wasn’t forthcoming about things, especially my emotions.
He'd been saying he loved me for over a year now. I didn’t concede until about five months ago and expressed how I felt for him.
I loved his ass more than I’d loved anyone.
His ass had to threaten to leave me to get that out of me.
Bali had it right. I was changing, but I was changing for me, not just for him.
I didn’t know why I was so withdrawn. It seemed all of my siblings were that way, except Maui.
Seven toned his attitude down when Iesha was around and nobody had shit to say about that, not even Bali.
There were some things you naturally did when you cared deeply for somebody.
I took a deep breath and ended up getting choked from the food still in my mouth.
I quickly guzzled some water to calm that shit down, then stood from my seat and threw my plate in the trash.
I pulled my phone from my pocket and tried to call Bali, but she didn’t answer.
We needed to squash this. I hated being at odds with her.
Our workdays seemed to get longer and longer every day.
We barely talked to each other. One time, I grabbed a patient chart, and there was a sticky note on it.
Bali left that shit for me to see. All it read was, bitch.
I approached her after work, and we nearly came to blows.
Had it not been for Uncle Kenny getting between us, it would have.
She was so angry. Honestly, I was, too. I hated that we couldn’t come to an understanding about my life.
If I fell on my face, then I would just fall on my fucking face.
Red and I were still working through some things.
She and Carter had been liking one another their entire lives.
They had years of experience over us, although she didn’t tell me about that shit until we were leaving for Atlanta.
Plus, Red and Carter were like night and day.
I didn’t even understand how they were friends.
I supposed the same way he and Bali made their relationship work.
I went and sat outside, trying to calm my emotions.
I’d seen Bali do the same thing, but Daddy saw her.
She left because she needed time alone . . . away from me.
The tears I was desperately trying to hold in burst from my soul.
I cried audibly for a moment, then stood and walked home, leaving my car in the driveway.
Once inside, I went to my bedroom and collapsed in bed.
I still had on my scrubs, so I knew I would be stripping my bed tonight to wash my sheets.
I just didn’t have the energy or desire to right now.
I balled up in the fetal position and cried more, needing to release all these pent-up emotions.
Bali and Carter got along well because they accepted each other just the way they were.
That was a hard pill to swallow. I should have demanded that Red accepted me the way that I was, too, but I was starting to get to a point where I didn’t like me either.
This situation was tough to be in, but I knew I needed to get myself together. There was no way I could go on like this. As I sat up in bed, prepared to pull it together, there was a loud banging at my door. I frowned hard because somebody was about to get told to get the fuck on.
I went to the door and opened it, fully prepared to go the fuck off until I saw Red. When I opened the door, his eyebrows lifted. He nodded repeatedly. “So you just leave and not say nothing? I was looking all over Maui’s house for you. Why didn’t you say you were leaving?”
He walked inside, brushing by me. I closed the door and huffed loudly. “I needed time to myself,” I said, the tears falling down my cheeks all over again.
He came to me and gently swiped the tears away with his thumb. “You and Bali need to sit down and have a serious conversation, without all the fucking yelling and cussing each other out. Y’all acting like teenagers.”
I pulled away from him and went to the couch and sat.
Nigga, you can get the fuck out of my fucking house.
After taking a deep breath, I said, “You couldn’t begin to understand the bond we have as twins, Red.
If you and Carter were in disagreement about something, and you couldn’t seem to find a solution, you would just walk away? ”
He came and sat next to me. “I suppose you’re right, baby. I just hate to see you so upset. It’s been like this for a while now. Maybe I should talk to Bali.”
I gave him the side-eye. “I wouldn’t recommend that. I’m trying to honor you and practice restraint. She won’t restrain a thing. I know you remember how she tried to get at you last time.”
“Yeah, but I was somewhat hostile when I approached her. That was the wrong move. I need to be calm when I talk to her. Baby, I’m not trying to change you. You know that, right?”
I nodded. He placed his fingers under my chin and turned my head to him. “I just want respect as the man in your life. I can’t handle you talking to me like I’m a bitch ass nigga.”
Sometimes, you act like a bitch ass nigga, though. “I love you, Red. I don’t want to lose you. Let me try to talk to her again first.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Me talking to her will cause us to break up?”
I turned away from him. Bali would cuss him for filth, and I could imagine he would want me to intervene.
That was my sister. I was already choosing him over her.
If I went against her in a moment like that, I would lose her forever.
Bali was petty and vindictive at times. While she had a soft side, that shit was reserved for certain people and certain moments.
Anything involving Red wouldn’t be one of those moments.
“Noni, you would break up with me if me and Bali didn’t come to an agreement?”
“No, but you would break up with me. While you think Bali isn’t practicing restraint, she is.
If she hasn’t put her hands on you yet, she is practicing a lot of restraint, because she’s had plenty of opportunities.
She don’t forget shit. She’ll fuck you up out the blue over something you did or said last month, without warning. ”
“You the same way. You can’t talk.”
I glanced at him and saw the smirk on his lips. I gave him a slight smile, and said, “Not with people I love. She don’t give a fuck who it is.”
He chuckled, relieving my nerves. “Yeah, I can believe that. I’ll let you talk to her first. I know that she and I need to have a conversation, though. Maybe Carter should be there, too. We are both too hotheaded. We need a calm presence between us.”
I nodded. He was talking like he had some sense now. Red spoke before thinking sometimes, and that wasn’t good, being that he had a temper. Bali would react to what he said immediately. I leaned into him, wishing this shit would just be over. I missed my sister.
He put his arm around me and kissed my forehead. “I love you, Noni.”
I felt tingles all over my body whenever he expressed his love.
Like Mythic, I believed Red Squared was slightly misunderstood.
He was under a lot of pressure in the rodeo industry.
Carter was, too, but I believed Carter was better at handling the pressure than Red was.
He would get extremely angry at times. I couldn’t be as angry as he was.
Besides Carter, he needed someone else to be able to calm him down. I vowed to be that for him.
I loved him so much until I was willing to put my soft side front and center for him.
Bali was soft with Carter, too. I knew she was.
She just wasn’t as soft in front of everyone else.
However, whatever Red needed from me, I would give it.
He was a good guy, and he vowed to get his temper under control.
I’d seen minor changes, and I wanted to believe I had a lot to do with that.
We were evolving together. My changes had just been more drastic than his.
That was why mine were so noticeable. He needed to be reassured of where I stood in his life.
He was low-key insecure, although he denied it.
He needed to hear me verbalize my feelings for him often.
It came easy for me now, and I believed that had softened him. He saw that I was trying.
My mind went back and forth about if I was making the right decision by changing aspects of myself for Red.
I knew it was best for me to do that for myself, but I wondered if I would have made those changes had I not been with him.
I convinced myself that I was doing this for me as well, but at least once a day, I questioned that.
“What are you thinking about, baby?”
“How I will approach Bali. We really need to squash this. I miss how much fun the four of us used to have together.”
“Yeah. We had good times. I need to convince her that I’m trying hard to get my temper under control.
I’ve been talking to my dad about it, too.
He said I inherited that shit from him. He had a lot of trauma in his younger years, so I could understand why he was the way he was.
I didn’t have trauma, so I don’t know why my temper is the way it is. ”
I sat up. “Because yo’ ass spoiled. You’re used to having your way, Red. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. You won’t always be able to have your way. Just be glad you ended up with me and not Bali.”
“Shiiiid, ain’t no way I would have ended up with her mean ass.
She’s obviously pretty, but that mouth is lethal.
I could see your heart, baby. I just feel like you’re the one meant for me.
Sometimes, we just have to make changes and mature.
I think the changes you and I are making would have eventually happened anyway.
We just happened to form a relationship before the changes could be made. ”
I sure in the hell hope he’s right about that. I leaned back against him as he continued. “Maybe at work, Monday, just ask her if y’all can talk, since she probably ain’t accepting your calls. Have someone mediate, like Maui or your uncle Kenny, if he’s around.”
“Yeah. I may even call Karima, because we need somebody with a direct line to God. I feel like that’s the only way we will come to an understanding. Those other Hendersons can be rowdy as fuck, including Uncle Kenny and Maui. You just haven’t seen those sides of them.”
He chuckled. “Whatever you have to do, baby.”
I snuggled against him and slid my arms around his waist. Despite the turmoil my heart was in regarding my relationship with Bali, I felt at peace with Red. I just hoped I could get her to respect that.