Chapter 8
RED SQUARED
“Why you sitting around here looking like you done sucked on a lemon?”
I glanced at my dad and Asad as they walked into the front room and sat on the couch. After taking a deep breath, I said, “Noni broke up with me.”
Asad shook his head. “I knew it would only be a matter of time. You tryna control her. That ain’t cool.”
“I only get like that when I get frustrated.”
He frowned. “You must be frustrated all the damn time then, nigga. I watched that woman practically change who she was to appease you. That’s fucked up.”
“Is that true, Squared?” my dad asked. When I didn’t respond, he continued. “How you gon’ demand something of her that you won’t even do? Secondly, if she’s not who and what you want, why you tryna force shit?”
“She is who I want. I just . . . I don’t know. I love her, man.”
“You need to evaluate and reevaluate yourself. What is it about her you tryna change?”
I huffed. “She can be loud, bossy, and nosy as hell.”
“Well, guess what? She been like that her whole life. Was she demanding any change in you?”
“Not until I threatened to leave her a few months back. She said if I wanted to see change in her, then I needed to make changes, too. She said I was hotheaded and self-centered.”
“You’re definitely both,” Asad responded.
I rolled my eyes at him and tried to text Noni. Baby, I’m sorry. I love you.
“She prolly done blocked your ass by now,” Asad said.
“Son, you spoiled, which caused you to be self-centered. That temper, I have to say you inherited it, unfortunately. Me and Shana both. I had to do some serious begging to get your mama back. I had to make changes in how I behaved, communicated, and treated her if I really wanted to be with her. Most times, her temper flared when mine did. She was only responding to what I put out there. I feel like the same goes for Noni.”
I huffed again, realizing how selfishly I was behaving. “I get frustrated because she has a hard time expressing her love. I think I do that, because when she does it, it’s so soft and beautiful. I want more of it. I crave it from her.”
“Well, you ain’t gon’ get it like this. You have to be what you want.
You think Ashanni was soft and shit when I was trying to get her?
Those younger Henderson women, besides Maui, ain’t playing that shit.
You have to come correct. If you love her .
. . If you want her, you’ll be patient, tender, and understanding.
Now you gon’ really have to work hard. She done kicked you to the curb.
It’s gon’ be hell trying to get her back. ”
I glanced down at my phone to see my message hadn’t been delivered. She’d definitely blocked me. “You think you can get Ashanni to talk to her?” I asked Asad.
“You already know better than that. One thing I know about Noni is that she is strong-willed. She ain’t doing nothing unless she wanna do that shit.
You gon’ have to put in work. I’m talking ’bout flowers, gifts, and most importantly, changed behavior.
She ain’t gon’ fuck with you if she feel like you only doing shit to ‘dupe’ her back into a relationship with you.
You gon’ have to work on yourself if you want to make her happy. If not, move on.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, then opened them to see my dad nodding in agreement with Asad.
“Work on yourself before you try to include her again. If you try to get her back and succeed, nothing will change, because you would be faking the funk. I would hate to have to bury yo’ ass after she fuck you up.
And don’t let Bali, Seven, or Storm catch wind of that shit.
Remy and Maui would probably fuck you up, too.
You must like risking your life. You grew up out here with the Hendersons.
You know how deep they are and how they roll.
They always have each other’s back, right or wrong. ”
“Maaaaann . . .”
“Naw, nigga. You know Dad right,” Asad said as Mama and Aaliyah walked in.
“Who right?” Mama asked.
“And right about what?” Aaliyah added.
My dad slowly shook his head and enlightened them. Aaliyah smiled as she shook her head as well. “I guess you was fucking around to find out, huh? Keep messing with Noni. She been mild as hell wit’chu, surprisingly. You gon’ wake up the savage, though. I bet she cussed yo’ ass out real good, too.”
I didn’t respond as they all laughed. My mama sat next to me, dropping her shopping bags to the floor, and kissing my cheek. “You betta man up. You talking to the right men right now. They know a thing or two about how to treat a woman.”
She stood and grabbed her bags, then kissed Asad on the cheek and Dad on the lips and headed to her bedroom, I supposed. Aaliyah shook her head again, and said, “I hope you learn. I don’t see her giving you too many chances. You may get one more, and that’s it.”
She stood and followed Mama to the back as I sat thinking about the weekend.
Thankfully, this rodeo wouldn’t factor too much into whether I went to nationals or not.
That was already set. I just didn’t want to have to be around Bali.
Carter and I always rode together, just like my dad and Uncle Legend did back in the day.
“This weekend gon’ be a real challenge if Bali go to the rodeo. It’s just gonna make me miss Noni even more.”
“Use that shit as motivation to get your woman back then.”
My dad squeezed my shoulder, then went to the back room with my mama. I took a deep breath and stood.
“Where you going?” Asad asked.
“Home, man. I just wanna forget today even happened. I miss her ass already.”
He extended his hand and shook mine. I grabbed my keys from the coffee table as my phone rang.
I pulled it from my pocket, hoping it was her, but it was Carter.
That was my best friend, brother, and biological cousin, but I didn’t feel like hearing the bullshit.
Maybe I was trying to force things with Noni because he was with Bali.
Two best friends dating twins was cool as hell.
We would always be a package deal whenever invites were handed out. Naw. That ain’t it.
Noni was a beautiful and intelligent woman.
As I walked to my truck, I realized I was asking her to dim her shine.
That wasn’t right. My phone vibrated in my pocket.
It was probably Carter. Usually, if I didn’t answer the phone, he would send me a text instead of leaving a voicemail.
After pulling it from my pocket again, I saw that I was right.
After getting in my truck, I cranked up and headed to my house on Grayburg. I only lived a mile down the road from my parents. Once I turned in the driveway, I checked his message.
When we come back from Mississippi, I think I’m gon’ propose to Bali. My family is meeting us at her parents’ house for dinner.
I huffed and threw the phone to the console.
I was happy for my boy, but I couldn’t even celebrate right now.
All I could think about was how I fucked everything up.
The horrible part was I didn’t know if I would even be able to make changes quick enough.
Noni had been patient with me and my fucked-up attitude for years. She may be all tapped out.
“Yo, you good? You kind of quiet, Carter said.
I glanced at him but didn’t bother to respond.
When he turned in Bali’s driveway, I got out and got in the back seat.
I wanted to go get in the trailer, so I didn’t have to be in this truck with the two of them.
Had the rodeo been closer, I would’ve driven myself.
Mississippi was too far to be taking multiple vehicles. That was unnecessary.
I turned my attention to the house next door.
Noni’s house. When her door at the side entrance opened, my heart rate took off for the races.
I wanted to run to her and beg her forgiveness.
For some reason, I couldn’t make my body move to even open the door.
I just stared at her. She looked over at the truck, and she quickly turned her head. She knew I was in here.
I couldn’t peel my gaze away from her. She looked so beautiful in her jeans and boots.
If I didn’t know any better, I would think she was coming with us.
When Bali and Carter came out of the house, they waved at Noni, and Carter opened the passenger door for Bali.
I was sure to sit right behind her, so we didn’t even have to see each other for the six-hour drive.
Honestly, I couldn’t bear looking at her.
She and Noni were identical. Bali was maybe a half inch taller, and her face was rounder.
Other than that, there weren’t any noticeable differences.
She got in and didn’t bother to even look at me.
That was perfect for me. The minute Carter closed her door, though, she turned in her seat and glared at me.
I could tell she wanted to say something, but she was restraining herself.
We had six hours to endure one another’s presence in this truck.
Once we got to the rodeo, we could go our separate ways and not see each other until it was time to head back.
I stared right back at her because I wasn’t a bitch ass nigga.
However, I believed she could see the hurt in my eyes, because her frown eased a bit.
Once Carter opened his door, she turned back around in her seat. I turned my attention back to Noni’s house to see her backing out of the driveway. Grabbing my phone, I sent her a text, just in case she decided to unblock me for whatever reason. I love you, girl.
“A’ight. Let’s roll,” Carter said. “Of course, we gon’ stop in Louisiana, probably Lafayette, to get some food. Ain’t no way I’m missing out on no cracklin’. I’m gon’ have to talk to Aunt Jen and Aunt Chrissy about doing cracklin’.”
“Then all of y’all will be at the clinic for high blood pressure and high cholesterol,” Bali said.
Carter chuckled as he backed out of the driveway and headed to Highway 90. We ended up right behind Noni at the light. When it turned green, she stuck her hand out of the window and waved as she kept straight, and we turned right. Carter blew his horn, and we headed east.
He and Bali were yapping like they hadn’t seen each other in months, and I was doing my best to tune them out.
I was just hoping I had a decent run tomorrow at the rodeo, because my time sucked at practice yesterday.
I was getting six seconds repeatedly. My dad and Uncle Legend were fussing and cussing, but Carter was just staring at me. He knew my mental was still fucked up.
I hadn’t talked to Noni in three days, and I was fucked up big time.
Even though I knew that shit was my fault, it didn’t make it any easier.
I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss her neck.
I wanted to make love to her. Sexually, she was so pure, the total opposite of me.
I was the only man to grace her walls. I could only pray that I would be the last.