Chapter 1 #3
“Before we continue on, let’s set the agenda for today.
First, we’re going to spend a little time getting to know each other.
Then we’ll do some activities to help us work through some of our big feelings.
Then we’ll break for lunch. After that, we’ll continue with our big feelings work.
During the last hour, you will write me an essay. ”
Everyone groans.
She continues as if we didn’t. “Seven hundred and fifty words in neat handwriting.”
“Can we have our phones back just for that?” Joey asks.
“Why, so you can get AI to write it for you?” Preethi teases.
Joey practically blushes. “Noooo,” he says. He definitely means yes.
“You may not have your phone back,” says Ms. Waters.
“What should the essay be about?” I ask.
Before she can answer, her phone dings. She frowns at it.
“Why do you get to have a phone?” Joey whines.
“Sorry, one sec,” she says, typing. She huffs in frustration and types some more. Finally, she stops. “I’m so sorry about that. I’m planning my wedding. It’s highway robbery out there.”
“You’re getting married?” I say, louder and more disbelieving than I mean to. Everyone stares at me.
“Why is that so surprising to you, Isabel?” she asks.
I frown, trying to figure it out myself. “I don’t know. I mean, you run a therapy group for children of divorce. Don’t you want to stay as far away from love as possible?” I know I do. I try for a light laugh, but I can hear how forced it sounds.
Ms. Waters tilts her head. “You don’t believe in love anymore, Isabel?”
I’m saved from having to answer by Preethi. “You’re too old for this to be your first marriage!” she says brightly and loudly.
Gray looks at her. “Oh, like getting married younger would be any better.”
“Marriage is overrated at any age,” I add.
Gray glances at me. “Right? You’d have to be dumb not to see what an obvious risk it is.”
“All that pain,” I say.
“And disappointment,” Gray adds.
“People,” says Ms. Waters.
Gray aims a finger at me. “You’re cynical.” He sounds almost impressed.
“Realistic,” I counter.
Ms. Waters clears her throat loudly. “This is actually my second marriage.”
Gray barks out a laugh. “I guess that makes you the perfect person for this, then.”
“Don’t be a jerk. This is hard enough,” Joey says, surprising us all with sudden earnestness.
Something—I’m pretty sure it’s pain—flashes across Gray’s face before he hides it behind a scowl. When I look at Ms. Waters, I can tell she saw it, too.
Ms. Waters claps her hands twice, calling our attention back to her. “Let’s start with agenda item one, getting to know each other. Lilliam, we’ll start with you. Describe yourself in one word.”
Lilliam moves her perfectly coiled hair from one shoulder to the other. She finger-taps her pendant. “Connoisseur,” she says.
It’s such a perfect description that I can’t help smiling. I find myself checking if Gray finds it funny, too, but he’s still upset and scowling down at his hands.
Joey’s next. “I don’t know. One word? How about person emoji, ha ha!” He laughs for a long time. None of us are sure what that means. None of us are sure why he’s laughing. None of us point out that person emoji is two words.
Ms. Waters gestures to Preethi that it’s her turn.
“Mine’s easy! Singleton! I’m an only child! I hang out way too much with adults! I need friends my own age!”
“I’ll be your friend,” Joey says. From the way he’s looking at her, I’m pretty sure he wants to be more than her friend.
Preethi, however, is oblivious. “Thanks!”
It’s Gray’s turn next. He slumps down in his chair. “Isn’t my word already in your files?” he says to Ms. Waters. “Angry.”
“Is that the word you would choose for yourself?” she asks.
He shrugs. “No.”
“Then what?”
Gray scratches the skin inside his ankle boot and thinks. “Skeptic.”
I nod. Skeptic tracks. Gray catches me nodding and rolls his eyes.
It’s a defensive move. I should know—I have plenty of those moves myself.
I also know that one of the best ways to scare a defensive person is by making direct eye contact, which I do, not backing down.
But the tactic backfires. Gray not only holds his ground but even tilts his head at me.
Not out of defiance. Out of curiosity. Like he’s just noticed something about me.
But what? That one ear is smaller than the other (which it is)?
That I can be a big coward hiding behind a sketchbook to avoid the real world?
That I’m secretly as hopeful for this therapy session as I am scared of it?
It’s been a while since anyone looked at me for so long. I can’t take it. Now it’s my turn to roll my eyes and look away.
Ms. Waters speaks up, saving me from the moment. “And you, Isabel? What’s your word?”
“Detective,” I say.
In my periphery I can see that Gray is nodding, no doubt making fun of my earlier reaction to his word choice.
My choice of word suddenly feels exposing and obvious. I should’ve said something noncommittal, like “Undecided.”
“Thank you, all. We’ll come back to these words later. For now, we’ll move on to some activities.”
She takes out ziplock bags filled with marshmallows and pretzel sticks. “Some genius at the office said you guys were thirteen instead of seventeen, so this first activity will feel a little stupid. But I think it’ll still work.” She looks at Preethi. “Can you please hand these out?”
Preethi leaps eager-beaver from her chair.
“Nice!” Joey says. “Snack time!” Before Ms. Waters can stop him, he stuffs two of the biggest marshmallows into his mouth.
Ms. Waters sighs. “These are not for eating. Not yet, anyway. First I want you to make three little people out of what you have.”
I have a sinking feeling I know where she’s going with this.
We all spend the next few minutes building our “people.” I use all my sculpture class skills—marshmallows are pretty malleable if you wet them.
I haven’t done this kind of thing since kindergarten.
I’m kind of surprised how fun it is. How nostalgic it makes me feel.
I used to be so innocent. So unjaded. I have a sudden flashback to my first sketchbooks from when I was four or five.
I drew so many pictures of me and Mom and Dad.
I was always in the middle, holding each of their hands.
They were always looking at each other with heart eyes.
I look up to find Gray watching me. I brace myself for some snide comment. “Yours looks really good,” he says. The compliment makes me smile wider than it should.
His eyes linger on my face before he holds his up for me to see. “Mine look like bootleg molecules from chem class.”
“They’re not that bad,” I say.
“You’re just being nice.” Then he quickly smiles, just once.
“Are hand wipes available?” Lilliam asks, holding up her hands like she touched something radioactive.
I have to snort at that. So does Gray. We share a look. I decide to pause my promise to never look at him, because I’m getting the feeling he’s as observant as I am, that he likes to poke fun at the world as much as I do.
Preethi’s “people” look weirdly like those illustrations of viruses you see in biology textbooks.
Joey has turned his marshmallows so that their tops are flat. He’s stuck a bunch of pretzel sticks into the bottoms. They look like many-legged stools.
Ms. Waters pulls a miniature movie clapboard from her bag. “You’re each going to reenact, to the best of your memory, what it was like when your parents first told you about the divorce.”
Preethi doesn’t wait to be asked. She immediately goes into overdrive, shaking each of her viruses violently as she talks.
“Hey, Mom. Hey, Dad. Hey, Preethi. We have something to tell you. I’m gay.
I like women. Dad’s cool with it. Is he?
Yes, I am, honey. Are you guys still my parents?
Of course we are. We’ll still be together, just living our lives on our own terms like roommate besties.
Okay? Okay! Everything’s great! Nothing’s really different! Yay!”
We stare at her open-mouthed. Even Ms. Waters is at a loss for words.
“You’re kind of crazy,” Joey says, but in an admiring way.
“We don’t use that kind of language in here, Joey,” Ms. Waters says. Which is kind of funny given that she was cursing up a small storm when she first walked in.
Ms. Waters looks back at Preethi. “How did you feel when they told you?”
Preethi shrugs. “Fine! We’re all still in the house. Like I said, everything’s the same except my mom goes on dates! Dad does, too! I never picture them having sex!”
“Holy shit,” Gray says.
“Language!” Ms. Waters says again.
“Sorry, I meant holy fuck.”
I cover my face and laugh. “That’s definitely more appropriate.”
“I try,” says Gray.
Ms. Waters chuckles in spite of herself. She looks back down at her clipboard. “Preethi, I noticed that your file had nothing under Reason for Admission.”
“That’s because I signed myself up,” Preethi says. “My parents’ lawyer said it might be a good idea, even though everything’s fine, for the sake of due diligence. He also said my parents had a perfect divorce!”
“Huh,” says Ms. Waters.
Huh, say we all.
Preethi’s eyes widen to saucer size. “Wait a sec. Does that mean you guys did not sign yourselves up? As in, you all did something to get in here?! What was it?! What was it?!”
“That’s confidential, Preethi,” says Ms. Waters.
Preethi rubs her palms together. “Secrets!”
Ms. Waters shakes her head. “Confidential means personal. Not secret.”
Preethi just narrows her eyes like a bloodhound trying to sniff out our crimes. I can’t help shrinking down in my seat. I can’t help noticing that Gray does, too.
“Can I eat my snack now?” Preethi asks.
“Not yet,” says Ms. Waters. “Lilliam, you’re next.”
Lilliam closes her eyes briefly like she’s getting into character. Instead of touching her marshmallow people, she points at them.
“Dad: Your mother and I have incompatible lifestyles. Mom: Manhattan is very different from Brentwood, dear, but you will learn to navigate both. And so on.”
Ms. Waters twirls her hands, coaxing Lilliam to say more.