Chapter 1 #6
“Earlier today, you guys assumed that because this is my second marriage that I’m divorced, but I’m not. I’m a widow,” she says. “My first husband died. Car crash.”
“Ms. Waters, I’m so sorry—” I start.
“You couldn’t have known,” she says, waving me off. “We were high school sweethearts. He was my first love. I thought he was going to be my only love. For a long time, I was angry. Just as angry as you are, Gray.”
She lets Gray puzzle over this for a moment before explaining, “Like, how dare the world take him away from me?”
Gray gives a nod so small it’s barely perceptible. But I see it.
Ms. Waters continues. “We’d known each other since we were fourteen. I didn’t know what love meant without him. I didn’t know who I even was without him.”
Now she sucks in a deep breath. “My anger was bad. But my despair was even worse. It wasn’t just that love could vanish like you said, Isabel. It was that it could be taken from you. One day you have everything. And the next?”
I find myself leaning forward.
“The next,” says Ms. Waters, “nothing.”
Everyone shifts in their seats. This is a far cry from the happy-happy inspirational therapy session I’d been dreading.
Sorry, Bob Marley, but it’s not as simple as everything being all right.
This is something different, something I realize I’ve been hungry for.
This is someone saying, out loud, my fears and sorrows.
“I didn’t think I would love anyone again the way I loved my first husband,” says Ms. Waters. “I didn’t even want to. I didn’t want to feel anything. Just like you, Lilliam.”
She turns to look at her before moving on to Joey.
“I wanted to escape from everything, just like you do, Joey. A year or so later, I started feeling the way you do, Isabel, like I’d lost some important part of myself. A better and happier part that I could never get back.”
She’s looking at me now. Not smiling or frowning or pitying, just looking. She clasps her hands together. “The truth is, none of us make it through life unscathed and unchanged. We change, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Life can do a number on you.”
“Like six seven,” blurts Joey. The whole room groans.
“You stinker!” says Preethi.
She’s right; Joey is a stinker. But the fact is, we’re all smiling now.
Including Ms. Waters. “I didn’t think I’d ever love again.
But the good thing about being human is that we’re survivors.
We can make it through almost anything, even the most painful things.
When it was time, my heart opened up again, like a doorway.
And Ed—my fiancé—walked right on through.
At first, I was afraid to love him. Soon I became afraid not to love him. ”
“Aww,” sighs Lilliam.
Ms. Waters’s eyes glisten. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going to happen to us in the future.
He could die. I could. Maybe he’ll grow to love someone else.
Maybe I will. But right now I’m just grateful for getting a second chance.
I love him more than anything. He loves me more than anything.
And we’re going to try to keep doing that for as long as we can. ”
Her phone alarm rings again. The session is over. Still, none of us make a move to leave.
“What about the essay?” Preethi asks.
Joey shoots her a look that’s equal parts adoration and Come on, why would you remind her about that?!
Ms. Waters chuckles to herself. “I think we can all agree that writing an essay right now would be overkill. Let’s skip it.”
“Yes,” hisses Joey.
Ms. Waters puts her phone into her bag. The desk is clean now. After we leave this room, it’ll be like we were never here.
“I don’t have a miracle solution for any of you,” says Ms. Waters.
“What you’re going through is hard. It hurts because it’s supposed to.
All you can do is feel your feelings, give yourself some grace, and try to do the right thing.
Just know this pain won’t last forever. You will absolutely come out the other side, and you’ll be different.
You’ll get to know the new you. Even love them.
You’ll be stronger in the broken places. ”
Finally she stands, offering us a broad smile. “Our time is up. I know that none of you want to come back next week—”
Before she can finish, I raise my hand. “That’s not true.”
Ms. Waters slowly beams at me. “That so?”
I shrug. “What else am I supposed to do? Talk to my friends at school about this stuff? They all have freakishly functional parents.”
“Let’s not judge,” says Ms. Waters.
“Oh, but I am judging.”
Ms. Waters laughs. Everyone’s looking at me with surprise. But I think they might be relieved, too.
Lilliam rolls her eyes but smiles. “I’ll be here, too,” she says.
“Me three!” says Preethi.
“Me five!” says Joey, skipping right over four.
We all stare at Gray. “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles with a smirk. “This wasn’t as useless as I thought it would be.”
Ms. Waters looks like she might cry. “You’re sure?”
“Like Isabel said,” says Gray. “I never met a more screwed-up group of people. We’re definitely not cured yet.”
Ms. Waters eyes him. “I already told you, you don’t need curing. Because there’s absolutely—”
“Nothing wrong with us,” Gray says.