Chapter 34
The apartment feels too quiet without Mason in it now.
Which is ridiculous considering Ava is currently sitting in the middle of the lounge room, surrounded by toys like a tiny chaotic hurricane.
But still.
I miss him.
The realization sneaks up on me while I'm making coffee one-handed and automatically glance toward the front door, expecting him to walk through it.
He's only been at work a few hours.
This is probably unhealthy.
Ava smacks two blocks together proudly on the floor.
I look over at her immediately.
"What're you building over there, huh?"
She grins at me with all four tiny teeth showing.
Dangerous little thing.
I settle onto the floor beside her with my coffee, legs stretched out while Ava immediately crawls into my lap like she belongs there.
Warm little hands grabbing at my hoodie strings.
Clingy today.
Honestly same.
The sunlight spilling through the windows makes the apartment feel soft somehow.
Safe.
There are tiny signs of Mason everywhere now, too.
His hoodie draped over the couch.
Coffee mug beside the sink.
His dog tags forgotten on my counter because Ava stole them this morning and he nearly missed work trying to find them.
The thought makes me smile automatically.
For so long, this apartment felt temporary.
A hiding place.
Now it feels lived in.
Loved in.
Ava pats at my face suddenly.
I blink down at her.
"What?"
She stares at me seriously for one long second.
Then:
"Ma."
I freeze completely.
My heart stops.
Ava blinks at me again.
Then smiles.
"Ma."
My breath catches painfully in my throat.
"Oh my God," I whisper.
Tears instantly burn behind my eyes.
Ava laughs softly at my expression before patting my cheek again with her tiny hand.
"Ma."
That breaks me completely.
A sob-laugh escapes me before I can stop it.
"Oh, sweetheart."
Tears spill down my face immediately as I clutch her closer against my chest.
Mama.
Not perfect.
Not clear.
But close enough that something inside me cracks wide open anyway.
For months, it's just been survival.
Fear.
Running.
Keeping us alive.
And now here she is—
safe enough to learn words.
Safe enough to just be little.
I press kisses all over her cheeks while crying helplessly.
Ava giggles like this is the greatest thing she's ever done.
Which honestly—
It might be.
"I know," I whisper shakily against her hair. "I know, baby."
And all I can think is—
I can't wait to tell Mason.