Chapter 7
I awoke with less of a startle the next morning, but it still took a few moments for my consciousness to catch up to my surroundings as I blinked and focused on the soft orange glow of the first light of the sunrise.
I must have fallen asleep reading last night as I noticed the book on the history of Love on the floor.
Love had been originally referred to as Love Siding, named after the railroad, that crossed through the town and the first conductor, Tom Love, to have driven through.
I thought back to the old, gorgeous rail house I saw yesterday. It must have been original to the town. Such a unique building, it was sad to see it so run down.
I got out of bed and stretched before leaning over to pick up the book and swap it for a fantasy novel I had also picked up from the library. The clock said I had almost two hours before Trixie had breakfast set out, and I was grateful for it.
Mornings were my favourite time of day. It was the only time I seemed to get a bit of blissful peace.
The only moments during the whole day where my attention wasn’t drawn to the needs of everyone else, and I was able to just be with myself.
Sometimes I would work out, other times I would read or journal, but I was certain it was within all those moments—where the world was quiet and my thoughts were loud—that I found the courage to finally choose me.
My regular early morning routine had me quite familiar with the sunrises in Utah, but nothing could have prepared me for the sight of the world coming to life on the Saskatchewan prairies as I pulled open the curtains.
The sun hadn’t even crested the horizon yet, but the sky looked as though it was on fire.
The dark royal blue of the night was a backdrop to the paint splatter of colour spreading upon it.
The golden light of the sun was a faint line against the fields, but above it was a sea of burning red, dipping and swirling with the clouds that slowly receded.
I pulled the reading chair over to the window so I could sink into it and take in the view, knowing it would change minute by minute.
As I watched the show the world seemed to be putting on just for me, I was filled with an immense burst of inspiration.
No matter what nightmares the dark would bring, the sun would always rise. And so would I.
The delicious smells wafting up to my room from the kitchen were impossible to ignore any longer, so I closed my book and quickly got myself ready to head downstairs. Seeing my bags that I had yet to go through had a small jolt of panic course through me, but I refused to let it take hold.
This time, I was determined to be better prepared for the guys to come in and I wouldn’t make a fool of myself like yesterday.
But I was also thankful I had plans with Melody today and wouldn’t need to battle the awkwardness I portrayed when I was around Calvin.
The demeanor of all the men here was so different from what I was used to with Nick, but even he had fooled me in the beginning with his possessive comments that were disguised as declarations of love.
This time, I knew better and would do a better job at protecting my heart.
“Good morning, dear!” Trixie greeted as I descended the stairs and walked into the kitchen.
I was surprised to see the guys here already, quietly eating breakfast. I hadn’t even heard them come in.
My eyes were drawn to Calvin, but he didn’t lift his eyes off his plate to meet my gaze.
He grasped his fork so tightly I saw the whites of his knuckles, and my heart sped up.
He was angry about something, and it took everything in me to not let that flight or fight instinct kick in.
“These were delivered this morning,” Trixie interrupted my thoughts and pointed to a gorgeous vase full of roses on the counter. “They’ve got your name on them.” She smiled brightly.
Sure enough, even though I didn’t recognize the writing, there was a card sticking out of the bouquet with my name on it. Stella.
But how? I didn’t know anyone here. No one knew where I was. Who would send me flowers?
“You must have caught the eye of someone in town yesterday. You know how small towns are.” Garrett laughed, trying to lighten the mood as his green eyes sparkled.
He was handsome and built strong like his brother.
But where Calvin was all serious, Garrett seemed like more than a good time.
His hair was cut short and scruffy but still held the same wave that Calvin’s did.
The hesitation must have been obvious on my face as Garrett’s jokes quieted, and they silently watched me pick up the vase of flowers while I tried to keep my hands from trembling.
The flowers were labelled as being from Love in Bloom and they were beautiful. But upon taking a closer look, there was something written on the other side of the card. I turned it around to see the message written.
I will find you in our next life.
Trixie gasped when I dropped the flowers and the vase shattered into a million pieces at my feet. My vision started to go black, my memory taking me to the last time I had received roses with that message.
“Where are you going?” Nick asked as I grabbed my purse off the coat rack by the door of our apartment.
It had been a particularly bad week between us. We argued on the weekend, and in the days since he had been giving me the silent treatment. No matter what I tried or how I apologized, he acted as though I didn’t exist.
“I mentioned it earlier, I’m just going for a coffee with Aurora from work,” I said, unsure of why he was choosing now to finally talk to me when I had been trying for days.
“And you didn’t think to see if I had plans for us first?”
The confused look on my face must have answered the question for me.
“Of course, you wouldn’t. Just like you to not even consider us.”
“No, wait,” I said to him, because I was desperate.
He was finally talking to me, and I wouldn’t mess this up.
I was starved for whatever breadcrumbs he would throw my way.
“I can cancel with Aurora; it’s no problem at all.
I’m sorry I didn’t check with you first.” Even though I knew I had, it was always easier to apologize than to explain otherwise.
I expected to have to apologize more than that, but his face lit up as he took my hand. “Come with me.”
He led me to our bedroom where he had lit candles and covered the bed in rose petals. It was the most romantic sight I’d ever seen but nothing felt more wrong as his hands instantly started to strip my clothes off.
“I want you in this life, and our next, and our next,” Nick said as he kissed me, and the pit in my stomach only grew.
A pair of work boots came into my field of vision, causing me to finally blink the memory away as I stared down at the mess I had made. Strong hands clasped mine, stopping them from quivering. This time, I didn’t flinch away from Calvin’s warmth.
“Stella? It’s okay. There’s glass all over the floor, and you don’t have shoes on so I’m going to pick you up. Is that all right?”
Words failed me, but I nodded my head slightly as Calvin bent over, placing one arm under my knees and the other below my shoulders as he scooped me up like I was nothing and pulled me in close to his chest. He carried me to the porch where my shoes were before he put me down.
“What happened?” The concern in his eyes shocked me. Shouldn’t he be mad I broke his grandma’s vase and made a mess in her kitchen?
Reality hit me hard and fast after that realization.
I broke Trixie’s vase. Everything in this house had some meaning and sentimental value, it was obvious by the care and attention given to every square inch of this home.
Tears filled my eyes and threatened to spill as guilt washed over me.
She had been so sweet, so generous to me, and making a mess in her kitchen the past two mornings in a row is how I repaid her for her kindness.
“I’m so sorry, I need to clean up the mess.” I turned to rush back into the kitchen, but Calvin gently grabbed my wrist to stop me, slowly reaching his other hand up to my face to use his thumb to turn my chin to face him.
“It’s already being taken care of.”
God, he was gorgeous. His green eyes were piercing, but the shadows behind them seemed to look into my darkness in a way no one had ever seen me before.
“Your breathing is really shallow, you’ve gotta take a deep breath, Stella.
” He took in a slow inhale through his nose, paused for a second, and then slowly released through pursed lips.
He started again, staring right into my eyes, and this time I mimicked his breathing.
Not nearly as controlled as his but I still felt my heart rate decrease.
“There we go. See, you’re okay,” he consoled me, still rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
The door to the porch suddenly opened and Calvin dropped his hands, effectively bursting whatever bubble we had just found ourselves in.
“Ah, my bad. Sorry, guys.” Garrett cringed at his realization of interrupting something. But was there something between Calvin and me, or was my fragile heart just making a fool of me? I had no idea. There were still so many pieces of myself I was trying to put back together.
Garrett continued talking, trying to walk past us. “I just need to take this out to the trash.”
“I can do it. I’m just heading out to see Melody,” I said, quickly taking the box with the broken vase from Garrett’s hands. “Please tell your grandma I’m really so sorry about this, I promise I’ll make it up to her.”
I quickly rushed out the door before either of them could say anything else. I was already shaken up; I didn’t also want to be late to meet with Melody.