Chapter 22
Packages. Multiple of them sat on the table in front of me.
Calvin’s family lingered around in the kitchen, watching me expectantly but also trying not to put too much pressure on me.
My first instinct was to run and hide in my room, but I remembered Trixie’s advice of good food, good music, and good company fixing everything, so I decided to stay where I knew I’d be safe from my thoughts.
“Let’s get this over with,” I said, reaching for the first of four envelopes as I willed my hands not to tremble.
“Whenever you’re ready.” Calvin’s voice gently soothed me, reminding me to take a deep breath as I opened the sealed flap.
I already knew it wouldn’t be bills. Nick had never put my name on any rental or utility in all the time we lived together. He said it was because he could take care of me. But I now knew the real reason was so he could have more control.
In the first envelope, I slid out a few printed sheets of paper. On closer inspection, it was the lyrics to “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros. It was a beautiful song, one I still adored to this day. But it lost its merit of being our song a long, long time ago.
My breathing evened out slightly. On to the next envelope. From this one, I pulled out another printed sheet of computer paper, but this one had a message he had typed out.
Only I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted.
It was a sentiment that was now so far from the truth it made me laugh to read it. Maybe I could do this. Maybe, after a couple months in Love, he didn’t hold as strong of a power over me.
I quickly ripped into the third one, less worried than I had been when I started. This last envelope had a handwritten note scratched on his office pad inside.
Whose yellow Jeep is that? That’s not the vehicle you stole from me.
That one made my heart skip a beat. It wasn’t a complete lie.
The car I drove here was mine. I had bought it and made payments on it all with my own money.
But he had his name on it for our insurance package policy.
It was mentioning Olivia’s yellow Jeep that had my heart sinking, though.
The only time I had been in it was on our girls’ trip weekend to Saskatoon weeks ago. How had he known?
“What is it?” Calvin asked. He picked up and read the contents of the first two envelopes after I tossed them back on the table, but this one I still held clutched in my hand.
“I need to send my car back,” I decided.
Now that it had been fixed, I was finding I had no use for it in this small town where everything was within walking distance.
There was the farm’s pickup truck I could use, or I had someone to lean on to ask for help.
I could always buy myself a new car, and I wanted to get rid of anything that tied me to Nick.
“I can help you, we can hitch it up this afternoon and take it to the dealership in the next town. I’m sure they’d give you a good price for it.” Calvin, always so sweet and trying to take on everyone else’s problems. But this was one I wanted to handle on my own.
I smiled at him and gently placed my hand on his. “I appreciate it, but I’ve got this one.”
There was a company I dealt with in Utah when I needed supplies hauled for whatever building I was working on, and they did a great job transporting across long distances. They would come pick up the car for me and deliver it right back to Nick. He could have it if he was so worried about it.
I eyed up the two boxes next. I wanted to get whatever was inside them done and over with.
I grabbed the first one. It was the heavier of the two and it sounded like there were loose parts inside as I picked it up and shook it.
Upon opening, I saw the watch I had gifted Nick for one of our anniversaries. Engraved on the back was This time and the next. It was a play on how he would tell me he’d find me in our next life. The watch was shattered into pieces—obviously to send me a message.
It brought back the memory of the original watch I had gotten for him. Because this wasn’t it, though he did shatter that one, too.
I spent weeks saving up for a beautiful Rolex I thought he would love. I had it engraved in the same way I did this one, and when I gave it to him, he only scoffed.
“You think I want to wear this ugly ass thing? Is this some sort of joke? What were you thinking? This is fucking insulting after everything I’ve done for you.”
I shook my head, releasing the hold the memory had on me.
Reaching for the last box, I ripped it open quickly, wanting to get it over with. Pulling out the small jewelry box made me feel sick. No, it couldn’t be…
I opened the box just enough to see what I already knew was inside and instantly threw it across the table. I needed it as far away from me as possible. Trixie picked it up and the air whooshed out of her as she eyed the giant engagement ring inside.
Objectively, it was a beautiful ring, but to me it looked like handcuffs.
“Please get rid of it,” I said gravely.
I think it was Garrett who took the ring and the watch and left the house with them. I didn’t care what he did with them. I may have thought I wanted that engagement ring from Nick at one point in my life, but that was so far from how I felt now.
I eyed the last—and smallest—envelope. This was it. After this one I could leave it all behind me and carry on with the life I was building here in Love.
I ripped open the small envelope and pulled out a Polaroid image that didn’t just make my heart skip a beat but stop entirely.
It was a photo of me. Dancing in the bar at The Rainbow during the girls’ trip weekend with Olivia and Melody. I was smiling and genuinely happy in the photo, and it reflected none of my feelings now as I saw the message hastily written across the bottom.
Come home NOW.
My breath started to come in quick bursts as my thoughts began to spiral.
Had I made a mistake? I should have known it would be impossible to completely escape Nick.
No matter how much I was done with him, he wasn’t done with me yet and he made that apparent.
What chance did I even stand to rebuild my life when he could still make these demands and I would crumble into this type of reaction?
I watched the picture shake and tried to stop it when I realized the cause of it was my own hands trembling.
It wasn’t the calloused hands I was coming to expect that finally pulled the picture out of my grip and guided me to the couch, but the comforting yet secure embrace of Trixie. “Come on, dear. When we need to calm down our mind, we must busy our hands.”
She handed me a ball of yarn and a crochet hook that might as well have been a magic wand. I had no idea what her plan was, but after about an hour Trixie had taught me to make a chain and a single crochet into that, and my brain had calmed down to the point of being able to think straight.
All the other members of Calvin’s family had left.
Patrick had to go back to the station, Mel made her way back to Cupid’s Cup, and Garrett drove Vicky back to the logging office on his way to work.
Everyone except Calvin, still sitting in the arm chair across from the couch, intently watching his grandma and me like I could crumble at any moment.
I appreciated his concern but couldn’t stand the way he looked at me—like I was broken.
“I’m okay, I promise,” I assured him.
“What do you want to do?” He jumped into fixing things right away. “Patrick said they may not be threatening enough to press charges, but he’s willing to try.”
“I don’t want to do anything.”
I knew Patrick had already taken the Polaroid to dust for prints; however, we were not very hopeful. A look passed over Calvin’s face that was absolutely tortured.
“Nothing?” he asked.
“No. This is his thing—he wants a reaction out of me. That’s what makes this fun for him, he thinks he has an effect on me. And I can’t show him he does, I can’t let him win.”
“So, you think if we ignore it, he’ll just stop?”
“Yes, I do.” I nodded.
It wouldn’t be the first time. Often, the more I tried to make things right, the more I tried to grovel and explain myself and my reasoning, the worse things would get.
Being blown out of proportion until not only dishes were flying but fists, too.
But if I just accepted the silent treatment and let him walk about the house like I didn’t exist, eventually it would stop, and one day he would wake up and things would be back to our regular, loving relationship that everyone else saw.
I knew this would be the same scenario, and if I could just ignore all the ammunition he was hurling my way, he would run out eventually.
Calvin didn’t look convinced but he didn’t push any more either, and I appreciated him for it.
I needed to take my power back by taking control of some of these situations that Nick was now putting me in.
“Why did you change your name?” Calvin suddenly asked as we ate lunch together on the deck. I had finally convinced him I was okay, and he could go to work for the rest of the day, but Trixie said we needed lunch first. Who was I to argue her logic?
It took everything in me to not let the familiar jacket of shame bundle me up in its warmth, but I had fought too hard today to lose this battle now.
I was choosing discomfort, even if it was difficult.
I hadn’t shied away from a tough conversation with Calvin before, and I wasn’t about to do it now.
It felt freeing to tell him about my past; in a way it allowed me to let go of it.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied about who I—”
“Stop it,” Calvin cut me off, shaking his head with a serious tone.
“I didn’t ask you to apologize, and you didn’t lie once.
You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said while looking directly into my eyes.
“But I don’t care what your name is, if you want to be called Crystal, or Stella, or Bob, for crying out loud.
I don’t care, I just want the opportunity to know you. ”
His words melted me, and his suggestion made me giggle. I didn’t know how I couldn’t give him that part of me. The way he said my name now sounded like a song and this is how I wanted things to stay.
“I didn’t change it, I suppose. My legal name is still Crystal.
” I cringed at the feeling of the name in my mouth.
“But it didn’t feel right anymore. Nick only ever called me ‘babe,’ until he was angry.
And that was the only time he used my name.
The way he would say it…with such absolute resentment in his tone…
it made me hate my name just because of the way he used it. ”
The storm clouds rolled in Calvin’s eyes, and I could tell he was angry, but he didn’t say a word as he kept space for me to share my truth.
“When I showed up here, the bed and breakfast was the first place I came, and Trixie was the first person I met. She instantly felt like home. Her energy reminded me so much of my grandfather’s, right down to the way the house is decorated.
And because of that, I chose to introduce myself to her as Stella, that’s what my grandpa called me. ”
I looked up to Calvin to see a look of pure delight having replaced the storm clouds.
“What?” I couldn’t help but laugh at the goofy smile he held. “Do I have something on my face?”
“No, not at all.” He laughed. “It just makes me really happy to hear you say that Love feels like home.”
I thought back to what I just said, and I guess he was right. Being in Love finally did feel like coming home, and there was no way I was about to let Nick take that feeling away from me.