Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Charlotte
Before
We make it back to the clubhouse after a four-day run, and I’m exhausted. No matter how much it pisses off Blade, I can’t bring myself to go out and party. The noise is obnoxious, but I’m exhausted enough that I’ll be able to sleep through it.
I’m on thin ice, and I know it.
He’s suspicious and watching everything I do. He noticed when I stopped drinking, but I used the excuse that I’ve got an ulcer or something seriously wrong with my stomach. That hasn’t stopped him from trying to force me to get high every time he does.
I’ve been as sneaky as possible, pushing my line into someone else’s and just sucking up air. I won’t be able to get away with that for long.
He will notice, and it will get ugly.
He already suspects something.
I was barely able to keep myself awake on the ride, but the only reason they could is because they were blitzed out of their minds.
Being coked into oblivion makes it easy enough to go days without sleep.
I can’t do that shit anymore.
My hand runs over my abdomen, and I once again berate myself for not being smarter. I had to have fucked up and missed a dose of my birth control somewhere.
When?
I have no idea.
The days meld into one never-ending day when I don’t sleep.
I’d never even had alcohol before I came to my first party at the clubhouse, but Blade is quick to shove whatever substances are available at me. It keeps me compliant, especially because saying no isn’t an option.
If I look like an undercover cop, he will kill me without a second thought.
I’m not.
I’m just a stupid girl who fell for the wrong man. But now that I know I’m pregnant, I can’t stay here. Not only do I refuse to subject my child to the garbage that I’ve seen since moving into the clubhouse, I don’t trust that he wouldn’t push me into using during my pregnancy to keep me here.
I’m not sure what clicked.
Maybe it was when the smell of liquor made me queasy, but I sat down and counted out when my last heat was. That meant another heat should have come four, almost five weeks ago. That was when I knew I had to take a test.
I never expected the result to pop up saying that I was pregnant, but it did, and I’ve been walking a fine line since.
Blade can’t know.
He’ll never let me leave if he finds out I’m carrying his baby. And he’s eventually going to catch on to the fact I quit everything. That alone will make him suspicious that I’m working with the cops.
A loud banging fills the air, making me jump. I was headed to the bathroom, but I detour to answer the door instead.
It’s technically Blade’s room. I’ve just been in here with him for the last six months.
Once my mom found out where I was spending my spare time, she kicked me out.
He was more than happy to take me in. Though I now realize that was because he enjoyed seeing that I destroyed my relationship with my family to be with him.
They might take me back, but it would be the first place he would look.
I pull the door open, frowning at Magnum. “What’s up?”
“He told me to come get you,” he says, grimacing. He’s not as bad as most of the guys here, and I wish he would get out while he still has the chance.
He won’t, though.
His entire family is part of the club.
That means he’s stuck here for life.
“I’m really not feeling well,” I say weakly.
I don’t know why I even bother.
Mag doesn’t have the authority to override an order from his president. If he went back out there without me, all that would do is to get him into trouble. Then Blade would come for me himself.
The music is so loud that it rattles the floorboards as I make my way out into the living room. There’s a bar lining the back wall, couches and a pool table on the left, and a big-ass table on the right. The floor is sticky, making me regret that I didn’t stop to put on my shoes.
Hell, I was ready to climb into bed.
I’m in one of Blade’s T-shirts and a pair of sleep shorts, while all the other women are dressed up like they’re going out to a club.
The first time I came to a party at the clubhouse, I was dressed the exact same way. The thought of catching one of the brothers’ eyes was exciting, let alone having the president of the MC interested in me.
If I could go back in time, I’d literally shake myself. I’d scream in my own face to get the fuck out while I still could. It wouldn’t change my mind, but I’d at least try.
“He’s over by the bar,” Mag says, nodding in that direction.
My jaw falls as I spot my supposed boyfriend. He’s balls deep in one of the club girls. He was a lot more discreet about his cheating when we first got together, or maybe I was dumber and more likely to believe his lies when he disappeared for hours or I heard rumors from the other women.
He seems dead set on giving us both an STI, and I can only pray I walk out of here with one of the treatable ones.
At the very least, don’t let it be something that I can pass on to the baby.
The woman he’s fucking peeks back over her shoulder and smirks when she spots me.
There was a time I would have given a shit.
More than that, seeing this little display would have ripped my heart out.
I feel nothing outside of apathy and an unrealistic hope that she can win him over.
It’s a shitty thought to have because I know what happens when Blade gets obsessed with someone, but I would have a much better chance at escaping if I was no longer his current fascination.
Her name is Miranda, and she’s older than I am. That alone dashes any hope I have of him fixating on her.
Oh, he’ll fuck all the women who hang around the club, but when it comes to the woman he wants hanging off his arm… He likes them young.
Only, I didn’t know that until I was already in too deep.
“Candy, get your tight ass over here,” Blade growls, not bothering to stop thrusting in and out of Miranda.
My real name is Candice, but everyone here gets a nickname, or I guess, a club name.
Every cell in my body aches to run, and Magnum must know it. He grabs my bicep, dragging me across the room.
“Hold on. I’ll be done with her in one minute,” Blade says, laughing.
I look anywhere but directly at the spectacle he’s putting on, wishing I was anywhere but here.
Blade pulls free of Miranda, and it’s clear he didn’t even bother with a condom. The smell of their combined cum turns my stomach, and I breathe through my mouth to keep from puking all over the floor.
He gives her a shove, chuckling that same dark, ominous sound that he always does. “You can get the fuck out of my face now.”
She huffs, adjusting her skirt as she stumbles off to join the party once more.
“On your knees,” Blade says, nodding to me.
My chin tilts in the air, but I don’t have the first clue how to get out of this mess. Even if I ran, he’d be on me in two seconds flat. If I refuse, he’ll smack the shit out of me, then force me where he wants me.
He pulls his gun from the holster under his arm, forcefully jabbing it against the side of my head.
Not so long ago, I would have pissed myself if something like this happened to me. It’s such a frequent occurrence that I think it lost its shock value.
“I’ve told you before, and I’ll say it again. You’re pretty. Not irreplaceable. Get on your knees.” The barrel of the gun presses into my temple, and I contemplate exactly how badly I want to live.
The room erupts in snickers and laughs, and my face burns.
I’d like to think he won’t actually go through with it, but with how unpredictable he’s been lately?
Well, I wouldn’t be shocked.
I’ve seen him be ruthless before.
I just never thought that would extend to me. Over the last few weeks, he’s proved me wrong.
My eyes are open, and I see him for who he really is.
“You think I’m fucking with you, Candy Girl?
” He laughs, a cold, dead sound that echoes around the room.
He slides the gun down my cheek, hooking it under my jaw.
He tilts my face up until I have no choice but to stare into his eyes.
“Lick my dick clean. It’s the only thing you’re good for.
” His free hand lands on my shoulder, and he shoves me to my knees violently.
Two things keep me from giving up. The first is the tiny collection of cells in my uterus. It might not be much now, but it will grow into a baby. A baby I’m going to love and protect in a way no one did for me.
The second is pure, unadulterated hatred.
I will survive this.
He doesn’t get to take my will to live.
I will bide my time, and when he’s least expecting it, I will make him suffer.
No amount of brushing my teeth will help me feel clean. It feels like clawing off my own skin wouldn’t even help.
It’s only when I’m getting dressed that I realize he left the safe in his closet open. There are fat stacks of cash, several handguns, and a knife.
I grab my book bag, loading it full of the cash and guns. I toss my bras and underwear on top and two changes of clothing—that’s all that will fit. Once it’s packed to the brim, I put it in the bottom of the closet and try to find somewhere to stash the knife.
I’m tempted to leave it under my pillow, but I’m afraid Blade would come across it. I hide it under the bathroom sink, rolled up in the bottom towel in the pile. Then I head back to bed and wait.
Blade stumbles in an hour or so later. He’s so wasted that he falls into the wall as he takes off his boots. I stay as still as possible, pretending to be asleep.
He strips out of his clothes and falls on top of me as he tries to climb over me.
“Mmm, fuck, Candy. You smell so sweet, and that mouth…” He chuckles.
“Damn, girl. I was ready for bed, but how about you blow me? Once I’m hard, you can climb on my dick.
” He rolls onto the middle of the bed and gives my shoulder a shove, like I could have slept through his monologue.
I pretend to wake up, rubbing my eyes.
“Yeah, that sounds good. I have to pee first. Why don’t you get yourself ready?” I climb out of the bed, bolting for the bathroom before he can catch me.
Once I’m in the bathroom, I dig out the knife and pretend to use the toilet.
Fear like I’ve never experienced courses through my system, and I almost chicken out, but I know how things work around here.
The guys just got back from a run. They always party like they did tonight and sleep the entire next day away.
There will be a few people posted to keep watch, but they’re exhausted and running on fumes too.
That’s if they didn’t partake in the party favors, but with Blade wasted, this is the best chance I have to get away.
I’m just not sure if I can actually go through with it and kill someone.
He’s treated me horribly.
Tortured me mentally and physically, but if I go through with it, does that make me as monstrous as him?
If I’m a monster, I’m one he created—formed out of fear and desperation.
He’s told me before that he’d kill me rather than let me leave.
And I fully believe he meant it.
If I don’t get out of here, I don’t think I’ll live to see twenty.
Flushing the toilet, I turn on the water in the sink and pretend to wash my hands.
This is my one chance at freedom…
If I don’t take it, I might not get another.
I let myself out of the bathroom, keeping the knife behind my back. I climb onto the edge of the mattress with my heart beating faster than it ever has.
“Fucking took you long enough. You better make it up to me, Candy Girl,” he says without even bothering to open his eyes.
I don’t think it through.
Pulling the knife up, I aim for his chest.
I’m a bloody fucking mess by the time I drag myself into the bathroom for the world’s fastest shower. I clean off as much evidence as I can from the knife and dress in multiple layers before shoving the blade into its sheath and stowing it in the front pocket on my hoodie.
Sneaking out of the clubhouse is easier than I expect it to be, and the road in the distance has car lights passing by. If I can get there, I’ll have a better chance of hitchhiking.
“Goddammit.” Magnum’s voice comes from behind me.
I jolt and spin around as I reach into the pocket on my sweatshirt, palming the handle of the knife.
“Please, just turn around and walk away.” My words come out as more of a croak than anything.
Mag frowns. “Are you trying to get me killed? Is this a setup? Is Blade testing me?”
I take a step toward him, shaking my head. “I swear to God, it’s not. I have to get out. I’m only eighteen. I can’t spend the rest of my life dealing with this shit. I’ll lose my mind. You don’t have to either. You’re not like them. You can come with me…”
He stumbles back a step. “Fuck…”
He won’t come, and I know that, but I don’t want to hurt him either.
There’s no chance I would win, anyway. He’s not wasted, and he’s got six or more inches in height on me.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, and I don’t even know what I’m apologizing for.
I think it’s that I’m sad for him. He believes this is all there is to life. He’s only a few years older than I am, but he’ll spend his entire life with the club because that’s what his dad and brothers have done.
When I came to my first party at the clubhouse, I spotted him early on in the night. I hoped he would come and introduce himself, but that’s just not how things panned out.
“Go,” he says, backing up as he speaks. “Get as far away from here as you can, and if they catch you…”
I nod as pure relief washes through my system. “I’ll never say a word about seeing you. I swear.”
I take off for the road without looking back, but for years, I wonder what happened to Magnum and if they ever found out that he let me go.