Malachy
Four Days After Charlotte’s Due Date
“Idon’t think I can do this again,” Charlotte chokes out, leaning against my chest.
“There’s no stopping the contractions now, I’m afraid,” Cormac says.
I roll my eyes.
I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t decked him yet.
I could do it for her.
At least it would shut him up.
He and Pat are collectively on my last nerve. They’ve been whining nonstop, when Charlotte is the one experiencing true misery.
She wiggles her hips from side-to-side, groaning. “I meant that I think I’m done having kids.”
“Yeah, dumbass, keep up,” Patrick says.
“That’s okay,” I assure Charlotte, rubbing her lower back. “Two kids are plenty.”
The contraction intensifies, spilling through the bond, and I suck in a sharp breath.
“Fuck me,” Patrick groans.
“They are getting significantly stronger,” Cormac says, moving his hands to rub his lumbar region. “Are you sure we shouldn’t head back to the bed?”
“Hell no,” Charlotte snaps. “I’m not being trapped in that thing. It’s better to move around.”
“We follow your lead.” I smile tightly, spreading my feet apart.
My fucking balls feel like they’re about to burst, but I know better than to complain.
Charlotte’s doctor warned us that, with a bond, we would experience about twenty percent pain crossover. If she’s still vertical while feeling five times more agony than this, I’m keeping my damn mouth closed.
Whoever tried to sell the lie that women are the weaker sex clearly never experienced contractions through a bond.
I love the hell out of Charlotte. She blows me away on a daily basis, and somehow I still have an entirely new level of respect for my wife.
She willingly put herself through pregnancy, knowing she would have to experience labor.
It’s a fucking wonder our species hasn’t gone extinct.
I wouldn’t blame women for having one child and refusing to have more.
Even with the mental preparation, it’s still significantly worse than I expected.
If I was the one who set up how bonds work, I would have had each connection bear twenty percent of the actual pain, instead of only feeling the traces through our connection. That way, each of us could take twenty percent away from Charlotte rather than her feeling every bit of this.
I can’t imagine why the universe would let us feel a small portion of her misery without allowing us to alleviate any of her pain.
She’s right.
Two kids are more than enough.
I’m not putting her through this again.
Charlotte eventually decides she wants the epidural. Apparently during her labor with Lucky, she got it too soon, and it started to wear off as she was pushing. That’s a truly horrifying thought.
Thankfully, she’s in much better spirits once the medication kicks in. Her contractions slow down for an hour, but they pick back up again, and things move quickly.
A new nurse joins the first, the bottom of the bed gets changed out, and they have Charlotte scoot down to start pushing.
Is it even safe to push without the doctor present?
“Come on, Dad,” the nurse says, smiling. “You can hold this leg.”
Jesus.
I guess we’re really doing this.
I am not a badass when it comes to holding our daughter for the first time. Tears leak from my eyes, and my whole body shakes as I cradle her to my chest.
She’s so fecking small.
Tiny and breakable and perfect.
Holy shit.
I have a whole new appreciation for how easy it was to take over caring for Lukas. He was able to talk, mostly feed himself, and came pretty much potty trained.
“Jesus, get ahold of yourself,” Patrick says, snapping pictures of me and the baby. “You’re like a leaky faucet.”
I lean back, making sure the baby is safe against my chest. Prying one hand away, I flip him off and quickly bring it to her back once more. It’s fucking crazy that she was just born, but they said they’ll probably let us go home tomorrow or the next day.
That seems ridiculously fast.
Who is going to teach us to take care of her? All the research I’ve done feels inadequate.
At the same time, I can’t wait for Lukas to meet her. He’s going to be sad for a second. He really had his heart set on a little brother, but I know the lad will adapt quickly.
“You’re doing great. Just relax.” Charlotte smiles at me from where she’s stretched out on her hospital bed.
Cormac is at her side, and he has a baby name book in his hand. “Are you confident you want to stick with something that starts with L?”
“We don’t have to.” Charlotte shrugs. “I just thought it might be cute.”
“If we go with a second L name, we’ll have to continue it,” Patrick says and freezes. “I mean, if you change your mind and want more kids. I just think it wouldn’t be a good idea to have two Ls and then a J or something. You get what I mean.”
Our wife smiles, and my damn heart races. Her hair is a mess, her face is swollen and a little blotchy from all the pushing, and she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.
“Yeah, that is something to think about,” she says, rubbing the side of her breast. “Damn, that’s such a weird feeling.”
“How about Lydia?” Cormac suggests, flipping the page.
The baby grunts, passes gas, and lets out a mighty fuss practically all at once.
My chest bounces as I chuckle.
Her nose scrunches, and she gets wild about tossing her head around.
It blows my mind that just a few hours ago, she was floating around in Charlotte’s stomach.
“I like Lilah or Laney,” I chime in, studying her light brown hair. Her eyes have mostly been closed, but Charlotte warned us that a baby’s eyes often start out blue and change in the months after birth.
There really is no telling which one of us hit the DNA jackpot.
It doesn’t matter, anyway.
She’s ours.
I’d give my life or kill to keep her safe.
Waiting until she was born to find out her gender was torture, but it made it extra memorable.
“We could go with Lennon or Lennox,” Patrick suggests.
Charlotte’s shoulders bounce, and some emotion that I can’t quite place spills through the bond. “I’m actually a big fan of Livy. What do you guys think?”
“Would we make it short for something?” Cormac asks.
“We could,” Charlotte hedges.
It’s at this very moment that I realize she already had her heart set on a name before the baby was even born.
I nod, meeting her eyes. “Livy is perfect.”
“I like it,” Patrick says.
Cormac nods. “It’s a very fitting name.”
And just like that, Livy O’Connor joins the family.
Miriam cries as she holds Livy for the first time, and it takes quite some time before we’re able to pry the baby away from her. Having her around to help is a blessing, since we have no other grandparents around to chip in.
A few months after Blade was killed, Charlotte reached out to her mother. The conversation was tense and didn’t end up going anywhere, but I think there was hurt on both sides.
If Charlotte ever changes her mind about going to Florida to visit, we’ll happily take her. For now, it’s a gift to have Miriam so close.
Charlotte has experience with newborns, but the three of us need all the help we can get. I don’t want to have to bother our wife every time I have a dumb question.
Lukas is happy to have us home, but he watches the baby like he can’t quite decide if he’s going to ask us to return her to the hospital.
He gets more interested as the hours pass, but I don’t like the frown on his face.
Cormac leans over, kissing Charlotte as she sits on the couch, nursing the baby.
“I love you so much,” he murmurs, running his hand over Livy’s head.
“I love you too,” she says. “Could you refill my cup? I’m dying. I forgot breastfeeding turns me into a dehydrated camel.”
He nods. “I’ll buy a couple extra and have them shipped for rush delivery.”
Lucky plays on the floor, cutting his eyes to Charlotte and the baby.
I stride over, scoop him up, and head for the couch. I take a seat at Charlotte’s side, moving Lucky between us.
“I needed a cuddle from you. How did you know?” She beams, wrapping her arm around him and pulling him close to her side.
“I didn’t. Why’s she gotta eat like that?” he asks, pointing at Charlotte’s breast.
I could be wrong, but I think there’s a bit of jealousy happening. We did all the things the books recommended, from getting him a big-brother shirt to having a special gift for him from Livy.
It’s a big change, though. He’s used to having one hundred percent of our attention.
“You ate like this too,” Charlotte reminds him with infinite patience. “I think she fell asleep. Would you like to hold her?”
“I guess.” Lucky’s head wobbles. “She’s really small.”
“I know. It scared me too,” I tell him. “But you’re going to do great.
Patrick and Cormac are my little brothers, just like Livy is your little sister.
All big brothers look out for their siblings.
It’s part of our job description. Here, how about I hold you while you hold her? That way, we can practice together.”
“Okay,” he says, his tone deathly serious.
I lift him onto my lap and grab one of the throw pillows. Once that’s in place, Charlotte hands us the baby.
“Just remember, she’s not strong enough to hold up her head yet. We have to do that for her.” Charlotte pats his arm, probably to point out that the crook of his elbow is what’s holding her head. She kisses his temple and sits back to rearrange her shirt and bra.
I cradle my arm under Lukas’s, but he does most of the supporting. “Wow, you’re a natural, kid.”
“Am I doing it right?” he asks.
“You’re doing great. She isn’t even fussing. She can tell she’s safe with you,” I tell him, praying I’m not saying the wrong things.
He nods. “She is. I’m gonna look out for her.”
My goddamn eyes get misty.
I still don’t know how our fathers left all of our care up to Miriam and our mothers. I don’t want to miss a single fecking second.
Patrick comes into the room, clapping. “Okay, what did I miss?”
I chuckle.
He had no choice but to get some work done after taking off the days we were in the hospital. He sure didn’t last long at his desk.
Cormac strides in from the kitchen with Charlotte’s cup in one hand and a gallon of water in the other. That’s one way to make sure she stays hydrated.
After doing everything completely alone with Lukas, she might get tired of our hovering, but I’m sure of one thing. She’ll always have the three of us at her side.
If you would like to stay in this world for a little longer, you can find out what happens to Vanessa here: Taken in Trade