Chapter 6
6
brIAN
L ogan holds up a bottle of water to get my attention as he walks over. As much as I am not in the mood to talk, I could really use the water. I have been out here chopping wood for over two hours already and I can still feel the hot rage pulsing under my skin. Kelli has been in danger for weeks and didn’t tell me, and I wasn’t sure if it was her betrayal or my brothers that hurt worse. They should have told me what was going on. To add to my anger, Josh had known as well and has not said a word to me. When he told me this morning what has been going on with Kelli and that she was just now getting the police involved, it took everything in me not to hit him.
He knows why I let Kelli go despite my feelings toward her. He knows exactly how I feel about her safety. That burning beneath my skin was getting worse again. It felt an awful lot like shame and fear, but I wasn’t going to acknowledge that. It is better being felt as anger and rage, and I’m going to continue working it out until I can get a clear head. Every part of me wanted to get in the car and go to her and ensure her safety, but that clearly isn’t my place anymore. She called Josh, not me. I don’t even have the right to be angry over it since I’m the one who pushed her away.
I put my ax down as Logan tosses the water bottle to me. “You going to spend the whole evening out here? Pretty sure you already put a month’s worth of time in on that heavy bag this morning.”
I grunted, swallowing down the whole bottle. “I need to clear my head so I don’t do something stupid. You know physical exhaustion has always been my go-to.”
“Okay, but I think you should talk about what’s going on in your head. If not to me or Josh, then talk to Kelli. It’s been four years man and you still feel the same way. Don’t you think it’s time you have a real conversation with her?” He crossed his arms and fixed me with his stare. Logan has always been the more sensible and emotionally intelligent one between him, Josh and I. I couldn’t talk to Kelli though, I needed to move on. How could I explain to her that I don’t trust myself to keep her protected and to be everything she needs, so I stayed away so she could find someone that could be that for her? I was not the man that I was four years ago. Now she was in danger despite all that and the shame of not being able to save my whole team in Iraq was right back, front and center in my head again. I couldn’t talk about it to her or the guys, I just needed some time.
“Did you come out here for a reason, or just to lecture me?” Logan wasn’t the one I was angry at, but he was in the line of fire right now.
“Don’t be a dick. You need to come inside, it’s dark and you’ve punished yourself enough for one day. Cool off, go to bed, and we can talk in the morning.” He turned and stalked back toward the house knowing I would follow. Despite me being the leader of our unit, he has always had an air of authority people respect and follow, including myself. He was the fun one, the light one, but when he got serious, everyone listened. Josh, Logan and I served in the Army together for eight years. Josh joined the year after me, and Logan joined the year after him. We were lucky enough to spend almost our entire careers together before getting out around the same time and moving in here.
As we walked up the steps on the back porch, Josh came running out of the sliding doors looking pissed and worried. “I’ve been yelling for you! Something is going down at Kelli’s house. You need to call Danny and get your ass in the car right now!”
My heart started pounding in my chest, fear and anxiety spiking through me. “What do you mean? What’s happening? Is she okay?”
Josh stomped back in the house towards the office as Logan and I followed. “I told you I had notifications set up on her system to alert me and two minutes ago they went off. Someone spray painted over the two cameras at the back of her house. I have the front two pulled up and you can hear glass shattering through them.” In the office he sat in his chair showing us her feed pulled up on his monitors so we could see what was going on. Through her front porch camera we could see two police cars pulling up now, guns drawn. My feet were on the move running toward the mud room to grab my wallet and keys before I could even process it all.
“Call Danny! I’ll keep you updated on anything I see or find out.” Josh yelled from the office.
“Take my Charger, it’s faster!” Logan shouted from behind me.
I was in the car and on the road in minutes. The drive to Boston was about three hours, but I was determined to get there as soon as possible. I called Danny as soon as I was on the main road through the speaker system. Before he could get his hello in, I was talking over him. “You need to get over to Kelli’s house right now. I’m on my way, but I will take too long. The police are there and someone covered her cameras, but that’s all I know.”
“Shit,” he said as rustling sounded in the background and then a muffled, ‘Alex get dressed’. “Okay we are on our way. I’ll have Alex see what information he can get on the way over and I’ll give you a call back as soon as I know anything. Drive safe and talk soon.” I appreciated the love Danny had for Kelli. He may not know that my feelings for her go beyond that of a close friend or big brother but he knows I put the role of protector onto his shoulders when I left home at 18.
Once on the highway, I stayed a steady thrity mph above the speed limit. It was late enough in the evening and there was no traffic, so I could cruise around the scattered cars that were there. I got a call from Josh informing me that she was taken away by ambulance but looked to be okay. Danny’s call came not long after letting me know she was at Mercy Hospital being monitored because she blacked out from a panic attack. They would release her as soon as her vitals were stable and her blood pressure was back down to normal. He and Alex were going to stay with her until I could get there, then they would go back to her house and pack some bags for her.
We agreed that she would not be alone in her home until her stalker was caught. I honestly didn’t love the idea of her staying with Danny either, but until I knew exactly what happened tonight, I would agree to it. Kelli was going to fight us over it but I would not accept her being in danger any longer. As I’m driving, I can’t help but think over the last couple times I spent with Kelli.
brIAN - AGE 18
“So, you are really going to join?” Kelli asks, sitting down under the willow tree next to me. It has been our thing for years when she slept over. I spent a lot of evenings sitting under this tree in our backyard and Kelli always found a way to come join me.
“Yeah, I am. I leave in three weeks.” She looked down at where she was pulling up grass and spreading it over her feet.
“I’m going to miss you.”
“I know, Kel. I’ll miss you, too. This is my next move in life, though. I have a chance to make a difference. A chance to help people in the way that I know how.” Even though Kelli was only twelve, she was always understanding and wise beyond her years. I have thought of her as one of my best friends for a long time. It may seem strange to most, but her and my family were the most important people in my life. Joining the Army had been a goal of mine for years. I had a shot to make something of myself and of my life while protecting the people I loved.
“I have had you looking out for me for the last 6 years of my life, I guess it’s only fair I share you and let you look out for others now, too.” She sniffled and put her head down on her knees. “You are going to be amazing B. I’m really proud of you.”
My chest felt tight, a knot building in my throat. How this little girl knew just what to say to hit me in the feels, I would never know. I made a vow that night to watch her from afar, and ensure Danny knew it was his job to keep her safe and loved while I couldn’t.
That day played over in my head as I drove. I spent a lot of time away from her and she was safe that whole time. Somehow now that I am back, just a few hours away, she isn’t safe anymore and that tore a hole in my heart. Another memory flashed behind my eyes.
brIAN - AGE 28
“You know, things have always felt deeper with you, Kel. Even when we were kids, you were my best friend. You have always seen me for who I truly am and I don’t know if I ever fully appreciated it or saw how rare that is until now. You are incredible, and I hope that you know that.” God, she was amazing. Sitting on the other end of her couch, cheeks flushed from her drinks and us laughing for the last few hours, curly hair spilling all around her. She certainly isn’t the little girl I left back home all those years ago. “I am so proud of you for getting your nursing license, I always knew you would end up in a career helping others. Is it everything you hoped it would be?”
“It is, and it isn’t. I mean, I am still pretty new in the field. The ER is filled with a lot of hard days, hard situations and hard outcomes, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Being able to save a life will always be worth it, even if some days I have to hold a hand as a life slips away.”
That was why Kelli was a cut above everyone else. Selfless to a fault, just truly wanting to make a difference in the world around her. My career has been so fulfilling, but I was tired of the deployments, of the nights alone. I was ready to settle down into a quieter life, and I wanted to settle down with someone like Kelli. No, not someone like her. Her. Kelli with her quiet strength, alarming beauty, ridiculous pajamas, independent and driven, kind and giving. Even after years apart, she felt like home. I was ready to come home.
“This is my last deployment. I am ready to build a life outside of the military. Have a family. I want that life with you, Kelli. I’ve known you most your life, my soul knows yours. I want to know your heart. I want to earn your heart. Could you want that with me too?”
Her blinding smile set my soul on fire. “Yes, B. A thousand times yes.”
The whole car ride I thought on all our times together. My pseudo little sister, my best friend, the girl I adored turned into the woman that I fell in love with. The last few years I have spent focusing on building the business with Josh, and trying to get back to the man that I was before everything happened. All I wanted was to be the man that Kelli knew. The one she wanted, needed, and deserved. I did all that work going to therapy, building a life I was proud of where I could be home with her every night and it wasn’t enough to protect Kelli and keep her safe and loved. What did I have to offer? I have run out of time, and I either need to step up, get over my fears and make her mine, or I needed to find her stalker and then really let her go for good. Being a prisoner in my own mind of loving Kelli from afar is slowly killing me. No woman would ever measure up, it was her or no one.
I pulled into the hospital lot a little over two hours after I had left home and rushed into the emergency room. Alex was standing near the entrance on his phone, waiving me over as soon as he saw me. As I approached, he nodded toward a hallway that I followed him down as he finished up his phone call. “Kelli is fine and I will take you to her in a minute, but I wanted to talk to you without Danny before you went in there.”
I flexed and clenched my fists at my side preparing for what he was going to say next. “Her stalker snuck through a neighbor’s backyard and spray painted her back cameras. I have already gotten the footage from Josh. There were glimpses of the man on there, but he had a full mask and gloves, hiding anything defining. He then threw six bricks through different windows. It’s still not clear if his intention was to threaten and scare her or to take her, but Brian, the notes attached to those bricks are bad.” He ran a hand through his short beard as he pulled up something on his phone. “I am not supposed to have these because I’m not on her case, but a buddy sent them to me.”
He handed me the phone with a text thread of photos pulled up. I clicked on the first one, a brick with a note taped to it surrounded by shattered glass. The note said Snitches get stitches Kelli. The rest of the photos looked similar as I scrolled through, but the notes got more and more threatening and violent.
They can’t keep you from me.
You won’t be safe until you’re in my arms.
I always get what is mine.
You made a mistake Kelli, your punishment is coming.
My girl needs to be taught a lesson.
I looked up at Alex at a loss for words. I needed to see her with my own eyes, to hold her in my arms and ensure she was okay. “I need to see her. Right now.”
He put a hand on my chest holding me back. “Hold on, Brian. She doesn’t know about all of this yet, and I don’t want to tell her until she is cleared to go home. And on the subject of home, I think she should go home with you. I can’t guarantee her safety while I’m at work, and if this guy is watching her house, then he has seen our cars there. It wouldn’t surprise me if our place was the next target.”
It wasn’t even a question in my head. “I agree, she is coming home with me. I’ll need your help with a few things though.” I shot off a text to the guys to let them know.
Me: Kelli is coming home with me. She’ll be staying for a while.
Josh: Is she okay?
Logan: I’ll make sure the guest room is ready.
Me: She will be, she may not be thrilled about staying with us though.
Josh: She doesn’t know?
Logan: What does she like to eat? Do you think she’ll bake with me? I’ll make sure she feels welcome.
Me: Hands off. She doesn’t know yet, but she will. It’s on us to keep her safe. I’ll fill you in on everything in the morning, won’t be home until late.
Josh: You know we will. Drive safe.
Logan: We are here for you both. Love you brother.
By the time Alex and I had come up with a game plan, he took off to get a head start on his part while I finally went to see Kelli. I have only seen her twice in the last few years. I wasn’t avoiding her, I was just cautious of which family events I went to depending on if she would be there or not. I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would hit me seeing her in that hospital bed, even knowing she was okay.
Her honey blonde hair was in a big mop on top of her head, dressed in a hospital gown with manatee pajama pants sticking out the bottom. Her face was make-up free and just as beautiful as always. She was laughing with a nurse standing beside her bed, but Danny got up from her other side having seen me walk in. “Good to see you,” he wrapped me in a quick tight hug. “Thank you for calling me and for coming. Alex texted me a recap of the plan so I am going to head out to pack up some bags for her. Give me your keys and I will put them in your car.” He said in a hushed whisper for only me to hear. Raising his voice for Kelli to hear, he made an excuse to slip from the room. “I’m going to run to the bathroom and find Alex, I’ll be back in a bit.”
Kelli looked up then, and her whole body stiffened. Those beautiful blue eyes slowly softened as she took me in. I made my way to her bed as she continued to stare at me unblinking. My heart was racing under her unyielding stare, not knowing what she was thinking. I don’t even know if she wanted me here, let alone if she knew that I was coming. She certainly isn’t going to be happy with me in about twenty minutes when I tell her that she is moving in with me for the foreseeable future. Yet, my mind and soul felt more at peace than they had in years. The effect from just being near her was overwhelming.
I got to her side, reaching out to squeeze her hand when she pulled me in for a hug, still not saying a word to me. “I’m here dove,” I whisper into her neck as her whole body relaxes into mine. “I’ve got you now.” I hold on to her for longer than is necessary, rubbing up and down her back before reluctantly letting her go. I pulled Danny’s chair closer to her so I could still hold her hand. “How are you doing?” I don’t miss the watery look in her eyes as she took a deep breath, looking up to the ceiling.
“I’m okay, despite everyone making a big deal.” She side eyes the nurse who chuckles while she removes a cuff from her arm.
“Your blood pressure and heart rate are back within a normal range. I’ll let Dr. Pham know and I’m sure he will let you get out of here,” the nurse says before exiting the room. Kelli removes her hand from mine and pulls her knees up to her chest, resting her head on them. Her head is facing me as she looks at me warily.
“Why are you here, Brian? And how’d you get here so fast?”
I snicker and grab her hand back again, rubbing circles into the inside of her wrist. “I sped the whole way. Wouldn’t be surprised if I have a warrant out for me now,” I joke.
“That doesn’t answer the first question.” She looks down at our connected hands but doesn’t pull away this time. Her eyes drop down to my outfit again. “What were you doing before you came here? Your shirt and pants are filthy.” I look down, and sure enough, I am a mess. My jeans are covered in dirt, my flannel is fully open and the once white T shirt beneath it has brown smudges and sweat lines on it. Yeah, not my best appearance I suppose.
“I was chopping wood, and then I heard you were in trouble and just got in the car. You know I will always come for you, Kel,” I sigh as she looks away again. I know she is thinking about the night I promised I was coming back to be with her, and never did. “So, we need to talk about what happened tonight.” I say, ready to change the heavy mood that has settled over us. The subject change doesn’t help at all as she bristles and pulls her hand back.
“The police haven’t told me anything yet and I don’t know where Alex went.” She sounds defeated, and it makes me hate this whole situation even more.
“I spoke with him in the hall before I came in here. That man threw six bricks through your windows, all with threatening notes on them. As pissed as I am right now that you have been lying to me about all this, I just want to make sure you’re safe. Danny, Alex and I agreed that the safest place for you to be right now is with me.” Her eyes shoot to me, but I cut her off before she can argue. “There is no way in hell you are going back to your house, and Danny and Alex have been to your house so frequently, there’s no way your stalker wouldn’t go over there to find you. Alex is already talking to HR to get you some time off, and Danny is packing up some of your stuff. When you’re ready to get out of here, we are leaving out of the employee entrance and going straight back to my place where you will stay until this man is caught.”
There is no way I will allow Kelli to fight me on this. My house is the safest place for her, and more importantly, I want her there. I have missed everything about her and to be able to have her in my home, close to me at all times, was something I craved on a visceral level.
She crossed her arms over her chest, bunching up the big hospital gown. “So because you three decided, I just have to go along with it. You’re not responsible for me, Brian. I’m not yours, I would hardly say we are even close anymore. You’re off the hook. I’ll get a hotel or rental or something for the time being. I can’t just leave work.” Her arguments were weak and she knew it. Alex had informed me that she was also being watched while going to and from work. “Thank you for your concern, but I am a big girl and I can take care of myself.”
This version of Kelli was different from the girl I had left behind. I used to be the person she looked to in order to fight her battles and say out loud what she couldn’t. There was always a little fire in her, but she used to keep it well hidden. I wonder what has changed to bring that fire to the surface? I clenched my hands and leaned forward to put my face in hers. “You are mine, little dove, and you will absolutely be coming with me. I know you can take care of yourself, but I will be damned if I let another man get his hands on you. I will carry you out of here kicking and screaming if I have to. Don’t think you want that in front of your co-workers but so help me, I will do it.”
Her face turns red as she shifts her legs in the bed. “If you really wanted me around, you would have come back for me four years ago. You didn’t. So, this little caveman act is because you feel you have to, not because you want to and that’s bullshit, Brian. I am not your responsibility and I refuse to be your burden.”
A doctor walked into the bay right then before I could explain to her that she was my responsibility, but she was never and would never be a burden. That being able to have her in my home and the ability to look out for her was all I wanted out of life. There was so much I could say, probably should say, but now we would have time to have those conversations.
The doctor told Kelli her paperwork was ready and she was good to go home, followed by the nurse that was in here earlier informing her she was off the schedule for the next week, and that HR was going to be in touch with her. Kelli had a death glare aimed at me the whole time and I tried to keep the smirk off my face, but I saw the subtle relief in her posture underneath it all. I knew this was the right move, and despite her stubbornness she knew it as well. I shot off another quick text to the guys letting them know we were heading home now.
I helped Kelli find her slippers she had come in with, and couldn’t help but chuckle at the manatees on her tank top that matched her pajama pants. She had always been adamant about her pajamas having animals on them, and I loved that she never grew out of that. She didn’t have a jacket with her, and I wanted to give her my shirt, but it was filthy and smelled like sweat. I’m sure Logan has a sweater in his car she can wear so she doesn’t get cold.
“I can carry you out, it will keep your slippers clean.” I offer knowing she will hate the idea.
“I am perfectly fine walking.” Her hands rubbed over her arms to keep them warm.
As we leave the hospital, I wrap my arm tight around her shoulder to help cover her as best as I can in case there is a chance her stalker is around and to give her some of my warmth. We met Danny at the car that he had parked by the doors of the employee lot. “They wouldn’t let me in the house so Alex was in charge of packing some things for you, I hope he got everything you will need. Don’t worry about anything here, we will take care of the house and the damage. Alex and I will keep you updated on the investigation, but you WILL stay with Brian until this man is caught.” Kelli crosses her arms again. “Don’t even give me that look, Kelli. You didn’t see the damage he did. Your life is not worth you proving something to us. I love you, and be safe.” As my baby brother holds her close and kisses her head, I feel my chest squeeze tight. It has been so long since I have seen them together, and it reminds me of everything I thought I had in my future and everything that I lost.