Chapter 43
Alice
Diane's house smells like garlic and herbs when we walk in. The warmth hits me immediately, cozy and inviting. She comes out of the kitchen wiping her hands on an apron, her face lighting up when she sees us.
“Hey Alice,” she says, pulling me into a hug before Sawyer can even make introductions. The warmth of her embrace catches me off guard. “It’s always nice to see you.”
“It’s so nice to see you as well,” I say.
“I always forget you two already know each other,” Sawyer says, wrapping his arm around my waist.
“How can I ever forget my favorite regular at the Cozy Cup?” Diane jokes.
Dinner is perfect. Diane made Sawyer’s favorite—pot roast with all the fixings—and I fit in like I’ve been coming to these dinners for years. We talk about books, about working with the public, about her plans to expand the coffee shop.
“So Alice,” Diane says over dessert, “What are your intentions with my son?”
I adjust my glasses nervously. His eyes widen.
“Mom!”
“What? It’s a fair question.” She winks at me. “I don’t mean to be direct but Sawyer is my only son and I want to make sure that you guys are on the same page.”
I look at Sawyer, then back at his mother. “I’m planning to stick around for as long as he’ll have me.”
“Good answer,” Sawyer whispers in my ear.
After dinner, we help clean up, then sit in her living room looking through old photo albums. Baby pictures, school photos, pictures of Sawyer in his first police uniform.
“Here’s a good one,” Diane says, pointing to a photo of Sawyer at the police academy graduation. “So proud.”
“I was terrified,” Sawyer admits. “Had no idea what I was doing.”
“And now look at you. Sergeant Edwards.” Diane beams with pride. “Your father would be so proud.”
I squeeze Sawyer’s hand. “I’m proud too.”
“We should get going,” Sawyer says eventually. “Early day tomorrow.”
Diane hugs us both goodbye, but pulls Sawyer aside while I’m getting my coat. I can hear her whisper something to him, and he smiles.
On the drive back to my house, I’m quiet, thinking about how perfectly the evening went. How welcomed Diane made me feel, how natural it was to be there with them.
“Your mom is wonderful,” I say finally.
“She already likes you. I could tell.”
“How?”
“She didn’t interrogate you about your job, your family, or your five-year plan. That means you passed the test.”
I laugh. “There was a test?”
“There’s always a test.”
When we reach my house, Sawyer walks me to the door. I turn to face him, my hands on his chest.
“Thank you for tonight. For including me in your family.”
I’m about to kiss him when I remember something. “Oh! I almost forgot. What did that text mean the other night? The one with all the random words?”
Sawyer grins. “Which text?”
“After we… you know. In the patrol car. You sent me Ida or something like that and then there was a bunch of words. It didn’t make any sense.”
“Ah, that.” His eyes are sparkling with mischief.
“It looked like gibberish to me.”
“That’s because you don’t know the police phonetic alphabet.”
“Police what?”
“I is for Ida, L is for Lincoln, O is for Ocean—” He watches my face to see if I'm following.
I’m starting to understand. “So you sent me…”
“Ida stands for I. Lincoln for L. Ocean for O. Victor for E. Edward for... well, you get it.” He grins. “I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U”
I work it out in my head. I push my glasses up my nose. “I-L-O-V-E-Y-O-U.”
My breath catches. “I love you in police code.”
My heart melts completely. “You’re such a nerd.”
That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me.
“A nerd who loves you.”
“A nerd who I love back.”
He kisses me then, soft and sweet under my porch light. When we break apart, I rest my forehead against his.
“Sawyer?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything. For fighting for me when I couldn’t fight for myself. For making me feel like I matter. For showing me what it’s like to be with someone who actually cares about my safety and happiness.”
His hands cup my face gently. “Alice, you changed my life. Before you, I was just going through the motions. You made me remember what it feels like to have something worth protecting.”
My eyes get watery. “You made me remember what it feels like to be protected.”
I adjust my glasses to wipe my eyes.
“You are protected. Always. No matter what comes next, no matter what challenges we face, you’ll always be safe with me.”
The words wrap around me like a promise, like a vow. After years of feeling vulnerable and afraid, after months of looking over my shoulder, I finally understand what security feels like.
It feels like this. Like him. Like us.
“I love you, Sergeant Edwards.”
“I love you too, Alicat. Always.”
As I watch him drive away, I realize that for the first time in my adult life, I'm not afraid of tomorrow. My chest feels lighter than it has in years. I'm not afraid of anything.
Not of Lance. Not of my mother. Not of being alone. Not anymore.
I go inside and lock my new deadbolt behind me, but for the first time, it’s not because I’m scared. It’s just habit now.
As I get ready for bed, I think about everything that’s brought us to this moment. Lance is in prison where he belongs. Tracy is facing charges for her crimes. The investigation is over. Sawyer got his promotion.
And I have someone who loves me, someone who makes me feel protected and valued and cherished.
I climb into bed and pull out my phone to text him goodnight.
Me: Thank you for tonight. I love you.
His response comes immediately.
Sawyer: I love you too. Sweet dreams, Alicat.
Me: Sweet dreams, Sergeant Edwards.
I set my phone aside and pull the covers up to my chin. For so long, I lived in fear. Fear of Lance, fear of my mother’s disapproval, fear of not being believed, fear of being alone.
But I’m not afraid anymore.
My phone buzzes one more time.
Sawyer: You’ll always be safe with me.
I smile in the darkness, typing back the words that sum up everything I feel, everything we’ve built together, everything I know to be true.
Me: I know I’ll always be safe with you.