15. Chapter 15
Justin
I can’t even begin to describe how much I hate myself right now.
I always thought my father was exaggerating when he called me weak and useless, but now I see that he was right.
I’m weak. I’m cuddling with the one person I should be hating, and it’s not just because it keeps him calm and happy.
It’s also because it keeps me calm and, if not happy, then at least content, and I hate myself for that even more.
I try to hate Cameron, I really do, but he makes it damn hard by being so nice all the time. Why does he have to be like that?
I expected him to hurt me. Slap me around or tie me up and whip me bloody. There are enough terrifying canes and whips hanging on the walls for him to choose from, and I assume the cabinets hide even more. But he just holds me and comforts me. And I let him, because I need that comfort.
Numbly, I wonder if I’m in shock. I’m certain I should be feeling more. More fear, more anger, more motivation to get out of here. Everything feels distant and muted, though, like I’m watching the world through a foggy glass.
There’s some sitcom playing on TV, but neither of us are watching it.
Cameron is running his fingers through my hair in sleepy contentment, and I’m stuck in the land of numbness behind that glass.
I catch myself tracing idle patterns on Cameron’s chest, but he obviously likes it, so I don’t stop. Maybe if he fell asleep…
I need to start thinking about escaping, but it’s hard when I’m warm, comfortable, and yes, pleasantly spent after that huge orgasm.
No.
I mentally shake myself. It was rape. Even if tonight has been a better date than most I’ve been on so far. Sex, dinner, cuddling…
Oh wait, the pizza. Cameron ordered it with his phone, a phone that’s still somewhere around here. He put it down when he undressed, and the sweats he’s wearing now don’t have any pockets. If I could find it…
You should be able to call emergency numbers even from a locked phone. I might not know where I am, but Cameron told me his full name.
“My name is Cameron Matthews and I’m your Master.”
It shouldn’t be hard for the police to track him down. They’d kick down the door, arrest Cameron, and everything would go back to normal.
I’d forever know that I’m weak. That I like men, enjoy having fingers in my ass, and don’t mind swallowing someone else’s cum, but no one needs to know that.
I’ve ignored this part of myself until now and I can keep doing it.
I just need to get out of here before I find out something worse about myself.
I mean, before I get hurt or killed.
From my position resting against Cameron’s side, I have a great view of his sculpted muscles and poor view of the room, but I force myself to stay still. He looks like he’s about to fall asleep any minute now, and my shuffling around would alert him.
Fighting off my own drowsiness, I listen to his steady breathing and wait for the moment his fingers stop massaging my scalp, which is surprisingly nice.
However, that moment never comes. Instead of dropping off, Cameron yawns and stretches his arms out.
“Damn, I’m tired,” he mumbles around another yawn.
“Probably shouldn’t have eaten all that pizza.
Anyway, it’s time to go back to your cage, pet. ”
My stomach drops as an echo of the previous panic attack sweeps through me, but I push those thoughts away.
Another crying fit would do me no good. I need to look obedient, even if it means spending god knows how long locked up in a cage.
At least it likely means there won’t be any more molesting tonight. I should be grateful for that.
“Yes, Sir,” I manage to say, my voice shaking. My whole body shakes as I get up, and it’s not just the chill from leaving Cameron’s warmth behind. I’m scared, but dammit, what choice do I have?
When Cameron spreads his arms for a hug, I quickly step into them.
Maybe if he thinks that I can’t get enough of his company, he’ll let me sleep in the bed that’s in another corner of the room, although why would he believe that?
I haven’t done a good job at pretending to be a good captive so far. I need to do better tomorrow.
As we hug and kiss, I notice the phone on the coffee table. It was so close the entire time. I could have just reached for it and…
No, Cameron would have stopped me. I need to be smart about this. Comply with all his demands, agree with everything he says. Then, when he lowers his guard, I'll make my move. I just have to survive until then.