Chapter 15 SAGE
SAGE
Ididn’t get it.
No matter how many times I turned it over in my mind, no matter how many nights I spent reliving every look, every word, I couldn’t make sense of it.
I couldn’t understand why Reich hated me.
Why he kept pushing me away.
Why it cut deeper every time he did.
One moment, his touch burned through me—searing and consuming, like he wanted to brand himself into my skin. The next, his words turned sharp, slicing through every fragile piece of hope I dared to hold.
It was a cycle I couldn’t predict, a storm I couldn’t escape.
And that last night in his field, something inside me broke, causing me to sink.
The familiar pull of depression clawed at my skin, dragging me down into its suffocating depths.
But this time, it was different.
Worse.
Deeper.
Like I was drowning, and no one even realized I was missing.
Days bled into nights. Time lost all meaning.
I stopped keeping track.
I stopped caring.
I moved through the world like a ghost, detached from everything, even myself.
I stopped leaving my apartment.
Stopped walking the trails.
Stopped reaching for the little pieces of normalcy I’d worked so hard to build since leaving Sanele.
Even music—the one thing that had always given me peace—fell silent in my ears.
There was no point pressing play when every note reminded me of him.
When every lyric twisted the knife deeper.
And Sam…Sam was on cloud nine.
Since the festival, she and Castor had become inseparable, orbiting each other with an energy that lit up every room they entered.
Her happiness was a bright, burning thing.
But instead of letting it warm me, I kept my distance.
I told myself I was being kind.
I didn’t want to dampen her light.
Didn’t want to weigh her down with my darkness.
But the truth was simpler and somehow crueler to me.
Seeing her so fulfilled, so in love, only reminded me of everything I didn’t have.
Everything I might never have.
Especially not with Reich.
So, I avoided her.
Every time she would stop by.
Declined her invitations for coffee.
Ignored her texts with excuses about migraines and deadlines.
After the third time, she insisted on coming to me.
I should have seen that as a possibility.
Sam had always been relentless when she wanted something, but this time, I was grateful. Even if I was too hollow to show it.
When she arrived, two to-go cups in hand, she greeted me with the same grin she always had.
As if nothing had changed.
As if it was any other morning and no time had passed since we last spoke.
I curled up in my chair, clutching the latte she handed me like it was a life raft.
“How are things with Castor?” I asked. The question slipped out because it was easier than talking about me.
Sam’s face lit up—but only for a moment, then something flickered in her expression.
A shadow of doubt.
“I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s hiding something from me,” she said softly, lowering her gaze to her coffee.
Her words pulled me out of myself, if only for a second.
“What do you mean?” I asked, sitting up a little straighter.
She sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair in frustration. “We’ve been dating for six months, right?”
I nodded.
“Well…” she hesitated, chewing her bottom lip. “I’ve never been to his place.”
I blinked, confused. “What?”
She arched a brow, visibly exasperated. “Right?”
I shook my head slowly. “How is that even possible?”
Sam gave a small, nervous shrug. “We always meet somewhere or hang out at my apartment. He’s never invited me over. And I’m not going to push.”
Her smile was thin, brittle. “I’ve brought it up a few times, but he always changes the subject.”
I thought back to the field.
The clearing where the wildflowers once bloomed.
The place that wasn’t just beautiful—it was dangerous.
His place.
Reich’s home, I realized and probably Castor’s, too.
“Do you know if he lives with Reich?” I asked cautiously.
Sam’s head snapped up.
Surprise flashed in her eyes and something like betrayal, “He does.” Her voice was tight.
I hesitated. Then, quietly, “I think I might know where they live.”
Her jaw dropped, and her hands flew to her cheeks in disbelief. “You what?” she demanded. “How do you know where Reich lives?”
Her excitement was sharp, almost manic, but excited, nonetheless.
And despite everything, I found myself smiling.
Just a little.
“It’s not what you think,” I said quickly, holding up a hand in surrender.
Her face fell, and the sparkle dulled slightly.
“I walk the preserve across the road. About a quarter mile in, there’s an opening under the trees that leads to…” I trailed off.
The words caught in my throat like barbed wire.
Memories crashed into me. His hand closing around my throat. His voice in my ear.
There’s nothing here for you anymore.
I swallowed the ache down, forcing myself to finish, “It leads to their backyard. I didn’t know it was private property at the time. But now Reich probably thinks I’m some kind of thief or stalker.”
I forced a hollow laugh. “At least, that’s the only explanation I can come up with.”
Even as I said it, my mind drifted back to that night at the festival.
The way he touched me like I belonged to him.
The way he watched me like I was a threat or a prize.
I couldn’t tell the difference anymore.
The memory clawed at me, dragging a raw, aching sob to the surface.
I barely held it in.
But Sam saw it.
She reached for me without hesitation, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close.
We held each other tightly, our silent grief tangled together in the quiet of my living room.
Her own eyes glistened, though she didn’t let them fall.
When we finally let go, the silence between us was thick.
Heavy with things neither of us could say.
We finished our coffees in that silence.
And then Sam exhaled sharply, “Do you think Castor’s cheating on me?”
I stared at her, at the pain she was trying so hard to hide.
“I don’t think so,” I said gently. “But obviously I can’t be sure.”
Her face crumpled, and I took her hand in mine, squeezing as I continued, “But If he is, he’s a goddamn fool and he doesn’t deserve you.”
I tried to smile, but it was weak, as I kept going, “And I don’t deserve to keep chasing after a man who won’t let me explain myself.”
Sam wiped at her eyes, shaking her head.
But then, as if struck by sudden clarity, her gaze sharpened, “You know what?”
I raised a brow in question.
She continued, “Castor’s at work. And I don’t need him to have a good time. We’re going out tonight.”
Her grin was fierce.
Confident.
“House of Music has a show tonight,” she added, nudging me. “And it’s been forever since we went to a concert together.”
I hesitated.
The weight of my depression clung to me, dragging me down, whispering excuses in my ear.
But Sam didn’t budge.
She moved closer, her voice softer, “I know you’re hurting, Sage. But I need you tonight. And you need this.”
Her hand found mine again.
I wanted to argue. Wanted to crawl back into my bed and disappear.
But instead, I caved, like I always did when it came to Sam.
“Alright,” I whispered, letting a small smile tug at my lips, “I guess I owe you after last time.”
We both laughed, and it was the first sound in days that didn’t make my chest hurt.
And for the first time in days, I felt something I thought I’d lost.
A glimmer of hope.
Fragile, flickering
But alive.
And maybe, just maybe, that was enough for now.