Chapter 32
Night settled over the ocean. A faint breeze stirred the sail, propelling us onward through calm waters.
Exhausted, I trudged below deck, glancing at Whisper and Athena, who were curled up in the corner.
Checking the roughly patched hole, I shoved the soaked rags deeper into the gap.
Wiping the sweat from my brow, I found a quiet spot and slid down with a groan, resting my head against the hull, listening to the sea outside.
The poor animals still looked distressed from our brush with death. Whisper had been hiding beneath Athena for hours.
Eleos joined me, sitting in the darkness beside me. Grateful for his presence, I leaned against his shoulder. A smile spread across my lips. “I can’t believe I saved you from the dungeons.”
He chuckled. “I’m not exactly a knight in shining armor. Scholars and priests play damsels all the time.” His happiness faded. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you. Suffering a psyche’s control is. . . horrible.”
Remembering his confession, I glanced down. “Have you controlled someone? Since. . . since him?”
“Yes,” Eleos admitted. “Many people. But that was long ago, and I haven’t used that foul magic in years.”
Nodding, I pulled my cloak around my arms. “I trust you, El. Whoever you were back then, you’re not anymore.”
“I. . .” He sighed. “I hope not.”
“Chin up.” I nudged him. “We’re going to save the world. It’s only an ocean away now.”
Running a hand down my arm, he found my hand, knitting his fingers through mine. “I still have hope that we will.”
Tilting my head, I studied his face. “Your past isn’t why you think you’re broken. I still don’t understand.”
“Haven’t you noticed?” He looked away. “I don’t feel what men are supposed to. I don’t look at you the way Seth does.” He glanced down at our intertwined hands. “For me, this is enough.”
“You prefer men?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Lust consumes every man I’ve met. But not me. Not for any woman I’ve seen, not for any woman I’ve courted.”
Oh. “I’m sorry if I made things awkward for you,” I said. “When I-”
“Don’t misunderstand,” Eleos interrupted. “I don’t see you the way I see the others. What I feel for you is. . . much deeper than that. But I’ll never be able to give you what you deserve. Never love you the way you want to be loved.”
Lowering my head, I reflected on our journey. Eleos hadn’t known how to compliment my breasts, had never ogled me, never made a move. Not once had his hand wandered during the night we’d shared.
He loved me for who I was.
“I don’t want to do anything to make you uncomfortable,” I said. “But I don’t know how to. . . where do we go from here?”
Eleos studied me for a moment. “To see your smiling face every day would be a blessing I don’t deserve. And it would be enough. More than enough.”
“Eleos.” My mouth warbled.
He leaned his head against mine. “Did you see Seraphim and Percy when we passed the sirens?”
“No. What did they look like?”
“Pathetic. Percy, in particular.”
A laugh burst from my lungs. “You really don’t care about sex?”
“It repulses me, actually.” His head snapped up. “Not to say you repulse me.”
“Don’t dig a hole, El.”
“Right.” He chuckled. “Were you mad? That Seth was tempted?”
A low chortle rumbled from my lips. “No wonder you never seemed jealous of him. . .”
“He isn’t half the lady-killer I am, Lady Aethra. Why would I be jealous?”
Happiness bloomed in my chest for the first time in my life—not brought on by Eleos’ spells, or fleeting vice. The warmth enveloped me, and a smile tore across my lips. Leaning my head against his, I closed my eyes.
Ainwir loved me. Eleos loved me.
Maybe I wasn’t worthless after all.
* * *
The sea separating Duath Nun from the Merchant Isles was surprisingly small, for how well it had kept the two nations apart. After a few days at sea, land appeared on the horizon.
Standing at the bow, I watched Duath Nun draw closer, hardly able to believe just how different it appeared.
Great mountains rose on the horizon, the color of sand. Lush vegetation swayed by the shore, verdant and green. From the waters grew countless feathery reeds that bucked beneath the wind.
Our ship slammed into the bank, scraping across the seabed. I flinched, listening to the delicate wood grind and groan.
“Well,” Percy said. “I don’t think we’ll be making a return journey.”
“Not on this.” Seraphim agreed, hugging her wounded arms to her chest as she climbed over the deck. “Phaedrus will be right behind us on his fancy ship, though.”
Seth glanced at me, and I expected him to offer me a hand down. Sighing, he turned away and climbed down after Seraphim. Whisper leaped after him, grateful to be off the deck.
After everything we’d been through, was he really going to give me the cold shoulder again?
Eleos approached me, offering a hand instead. “Need help, for old time’s sake?”
“I’ve got to set down a ramp for Athena anyway,” I murmured, heading below deck. Eleos helped me drag the bridge and throw it overboard, allowing Athena to safely descend to the beach.
Percy greeted the horse when she found her footing. “The last of the horses. I can’t believe you made it this far.”
“Thank princess,” Seth said. “She got too attached.”
“Athena saved us at Red Bluff,” I called. “I could hardly abandon her, now.”
Descending the ramp, I took my first step onto Duath Nun’s soil. Or, sand. A strange sensation enveloped me, like I’d passed through a barrier, or broken the surface of the sea. Disoriented, I spun in place, but everything looked normal.
Dismissing the odd feeling, I ran a hand down Athena’s neck. Grabbing her lead, I guided her after Seraphim. “What now? We’re out of supplies and gear.”
“There’s a city not far from here.” She said, pointing. “That’s its marker.”
Following her finger, I noticed a black obelisk rising from the trees. Ancient and eroding, the faded runes carved on its surface were foreign.
“But we need rest.” Seraphim paused, catching her breath. “Or we’ll die before we get there.” She surveyed the beach. “Let’s get out of sight of the shore.”
Glancing behind me, I watched the sea until I could see it no longer, wondering when Phaedrus would give chase. Who would he bring with him, and how far would they pursue us?
Deep in the trees, we set up camp. Seth and Percy searched for firewood, while I laid out my cloak for Seraphim and ordered her to sit. She released a heavy groan, wincing with pain.
Checking her bandages to see if they needed redressing, I struggled to meet her eyes. “I. . .”
“Don’t apologize,” Seraphim ordered. “Evidently, my brother is a powerful psyche. Even more so than Eleos.”
“When do you think he became one?”
She studied the fronds of a nearby tree. “When his love died, I’d imagine. Or perhaps when he lost his child. Phaedrus had nothing if not empathy for all things. I’m not surprised Psythos blessed him.”
Sinking to my knees, I sat beside her. “He wants to destroy everything. He thinks it’s a kindness to end our meaningless suffering.”
She chuckled, a short, breathy gasp at first. Then, she closed her eyes and dipped her head, fiery hair hanging in front of her eyes. A laugh burst from her lips, shaking her chest.
“Seraphim?” I asked, concerned.
Shaking her head, she brushed her hair from her face. “Phaedrus and I came to the same conclusion, though miles and years kept us apart.” Her pale blue eyes met mine. “Life is meaningless. The gods aren’t real, or maybe they abandoned us. We came from nothing, and will return to it when we die.”
My face fell. “But. . . but I thought you wanted to save it.”
“I do.” She said, voice cracking. “It’s because life is pointless that I find it so precious. Nothing and no one governs us. We are free to live our lives as ourselves and write our own stories. What could be better?”
I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to think the gods weren’t real. I wanted my life to have purpose. For those I loved to carry on after death.
My eyes fluttered close. There had to be life, after death. I needed to see Ainwir again, to embrace and thank him.
“You don’t agree,” Seraphim said. “And that’s okay. You don’t have to.”
Nodding, I looked down. My life would gain meaning from my sacrifice. And. . . and the Maiden would welcome me, at its end.
“We’ll need to make a plan,” Seraphim said. “I wanted to prepare supplies and disguises in Cynthus, but. . .” She shrugged. “We’ll have to improvise.”
“Will the people be hostile?”
“If we walk in like this? Obvious foreigners? Yes, they will.” She looked at me gravely. “This place is more dangerous than anything we’ve faced thus far. We must use caution.”
Nodding, I looked up at the black obelisk obscuring the moon.
Seraphim nudged me. “Let me sleep. You need to talk to Seth, anyway.”
Lifting my head, I saw Seth loitering while Percy started the fire, his scarlet eyes fixed on me.
“Get some rest.” I touched Seraphim’s shoulder and stood.
Eleos intercepted Seth before I reached him. The scholar gently touched Seth’s arm, and spoke a few words. Flashing me a small smile, Eleos returned to the fire.
Seth folded his arms as I approached. “Walk with me?”
“What was that about?” I asked, glancing at Eleos.
“He politely threatened me.”
Seth turned on his heel, and I followed him from the camp. Whisper didn’t accompany us. Seth remained rigidly silent, shoulders stiff as he strode through the trees.
Catching up to him, I tried to meet his eyes, but he stared directly ahead. “What was he threatening you about?”
“Did you and Eleos work things out?” He asked.
“Yes,” I said. “We’re friends. Good friends, but. . . not anything more.”
“Good,” Seth said in a clipped tone.
Chewing on my lip, I searched for something to say. We broke from the treeline and walked across the shore. I stared at the horizon, marveling at the beauty of the moon shining on the sea.
A lone tree grew near the waters, and Seth finally paused beneath it. Sighing, he turned to face me. “Why couldn’t you have been insufferable?”
“And here I thought I was,” I said, shivering under a cold breeze. “So are you going to ignore me like. . .” I cleared my throat. “Like after our. . . bonding in the cave?”
“No.” He reached out, fingers trembling. They brushed my face, settling onto the curve of my cheek. “I’ve lost everything that mattered. I was trying to keep you at arm’s length, because I don’t have the strength to lose any more.”
I took his hand, pulling it from my face. “Phaedrus forced me to feel your emotions. Your grief. I think I understand.” I looked away, ashamed. “From now on, I’ll keep my distance.”
“No.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me closer. “The further you walk away, the more I’ll want you. There’s no use playing pretend. After what happened on the ship, I won’t be able to resist.” His eyes darted away. “And Eleos made it clear he’d make me suffer, if I broke your heart.”
“Oh,” I breathed. “That does sound like him.”
“Heh,” he smiled. “I’m a little jealous of you two, sometimes.”
“Eleos called my mind a hellscape. I don’t think you want to hear my thoughts.”
“I want to know all of you,” Seth said. “And I want it to belong to me, alone.”
My heart hammered against my chest, and heat bloomed in my core when I remember the way he’d touched me on the ship.
“I wanted you to take me, right then,” I admitted, flushing. “Despite the circumstances.”
He smirked. “Nothing’s stopping me from taking you right now.”
Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pinned me to the tree, pressing his lips to mine. Sinking into his embrace, I knotted my hands around his neck.
“Mm.” Pulling away, Seth held up a finger and reached into the satchel at his waist.
“What?” I gasped.
“I can’t have you thinking I’m some classless brute.” Pulling out a flask, he popped it open. “I took this from the good lord’s estate. I grabbed it before we left the dungeons.” He offered the drink. “Shall we?”
“You want to get drunk first?”
“No!” He frowned. “I want to toast. To our lives, and the glorious ravishing I’m about to demean you with.”
Laughing, I accepted. “Fine. I could use a drink, anyway.” Lifting the flask to my lips, I took a heavy swig before wiping my mouth.
A pleasant brandy raced down my throat, but notes of burning carried with it.
The joy washed from Seth’s face as he took the flask back. Worried, I reached out to him. “What?”
My hand swiped the air as I lost balance. The world flickered, and I nearly fell. Seth stepped back, escaping my reach.
“Don’t worry.” He said. “It’s a paralytic. You’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
Trying to breathe, I managed a single word. “Why?”
“You don’t understand what Duath Nun does to women with your magic,” Seth said, voice cracking. “It’s torture. It’s worse than death. and I. . . I can’t let that happen to you.”
Wincing, I fell to a knee as I lost sensation in my limbs. Phaedrus had uttered those same words.
“I should’ve done this earlier. I’m sorry.
” He said, kneeling. “Phaedrus’ ship left right after we did.
I saw it behind us earlier today. It’ll be here in a few hours.
” He glanced away. “I’ll claim we were separated.
Whisper will search for you in the wrong direction.
We’ll enter the Acheron without you and seal it closed. ”
Trying to lift my hand and failing, I stared into his eyes, panic thrumming in my heart.
“Phaedrus won’t hurt you,” Seth promised. “We know that. And as much as I hate him.” His mouth twisted into a snarl. “I hate my father more. I won’t let him take you, too.”
Seth stood, and the wind billowed through his cloak, blocking my sight of the shore with its black fabric.
“I can’t lose you. I won’t.” He said, swallowing a sob. “If we survive? I’ll come back for you. I promise.” Taking one last look at me, Seth turned on his heel and walked away.
Falling onto my side, I tried to twitch my fingers, but my body wouldn’t obey. Barely visible, a speck beneath the moon’s light, I saw a vessel approaching the shore, its flag bearing the silver and blue sigil of House Cynthus.
How bitter, and ironic for me to forgive Ainwir only for the man I loved most to betray me once more.