Chapter Seventeen
ARSONIST’S LULLABY
You promised you wouldn’t leave me.
I need you. We need you.
The whispered words of Birdie’s voice penetrate the black hole I’ve been trapped in, reminding me of the mess I’ve made. I squeeze my eyes, trying to hold onto the dream of her, but it’s no use.
I left her even though I promised her it would never happen again. I know I need to try and fix things, but I don’t know how, and I’m scared. I admit it. I’m terrified something will happen to Birdie and our babies, and it will be my fault again.
I don’t know how but I knew I would find her in that room. She called to me like a siren’s song, and when I kicked in that door and saw her, I was so goddamned relieved, but that all evaporated when the man I swore to protect her from appeared as if out of nowhere.
I didn’t know he was even in that fucking building.
If it wasn’t for the strong smell of urine from Birdie pissing herself, he would have gotten the drop on us and .
. . No. I won’t even think it. He’s in the shed waiting for me to decide what to do with him, and she’s safe behind the compound’s walls now.
I get annoyed when the pounding on my door is followed by someone opening and then slamming it shut without being invited inside in the first place. But, on the other hand, I’m slightly mollified by the string of cursing, even though it feels like one of those Deja Vu moments.
“Get the fuck up. We’ve got shit to do.” Viper. If there’s one thing I can always count on, it’s him.
“I’m up. Stop shouting.” Fuck, I feel like death. “What’s so important that you couldn’t wait until I made it downstairs?” I groan, holding my head.
“You need to get your ass up, go to my house, and stop your woman from leaving the compound for good. She’s packed all her and Nash’s shit, which isn’t much, mind you, and says they’re moving in with G.
You’ve been holed up in this shithole room for a week.
While you’ve been drinking yourself to death, your old lady has been moving their shit into that crackerjack box G calls an apartment.
She needs some sleep, brother. Kierra doesn’t think she’s been taking care of herself. ”
I roll over to check the time but instantly shut down that idea when my head threatens to explode.
Blindly, I reach over to the nightstand and grab my phone.
It takes a minute since my eyes feel like they’ve been welded together.
I’m shocked when I see how late in the day it is.
I never sleep this late, even after a bender.
“Shit! Stubborn ass woman. She can’t sleep anywhere but in our bed. So, why the hell would she want to move across town?” I snap.
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe your woman felt safe in her bed because you were in it with her?” He’s looking at me with contempt, and I feel like an asshole for not having thought of that.
“Talk to me, Braxton. We’ve been friends for a long fucking time, and you’ve always been steady and true.
Dependable. This,” he says, sweeping his hand out, “This isn’t you.
I’ll let you in on a little secret. I knew you and Sierra would be a good fit.
I’d been in constant contact with Sailor.
Who do you think sent him to keep an eye on her in the first place? ”
“You sent him? Fuck, I should have known.” I am such a fucking dumbass. Of course, it was him.
“Yeah. I sent him. I needed to make sure the woman coming back here could be trusted with my family . . . My WHOLE family. I admit that I set you up. I know the kind of man you are, and I knew you could save her from herself if she ever started to backtrack. I just never thought it would be HER saving YOU.”
“I can’t keep her safe, Draven. I failed her.
As I watched Doc stitch up her head, every worst-case scenario went through my head, and I panicked.
Straight up, I was scared. I am scared! What if I fuck up, and someone targets the club again, and something happens to her and our babies?
I can’t live with being the cause of any more of my children dying,” I croak.
I jump out of bed and rush to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach.
I dry heave a few times before the urge to be sick passes.
I can’t stomach anything happening to her or my sons.
Unwilling to entertain that thinking, I move to the sink, wash my face, and brush my teeth.
With our eyes locked in the mirror, Viper watches me with a stoic expression I can’t decipher.
“Is that what you think? That you’re to blame for Tempy’s death?
Brother, you weren’t even in town. There was nothing you could have done that would have changed things.
You couldn’t have prevented it any more than Kierra could have prevented Sierra from being assaulted.
” When he puts it like that, some of the guilt slips from my shoulders.
When the hell did he get so fucking smart where women are concerned?
“I see that you’re starting to get it. Now, let’s clean you up, and then you can get your woman out of my house and back into yours. I want to fuck my wife without her sister crying down the hall.”
Twenty-five minutes later, I step out of the shower, praying to the Gods that I have at least one clean shirt in this room.
I sift through the basket in the closet and sniff the first black one I find.
“Oh fuck, not that one.” I gag. I smell a couple more before finding a sleeveless one that’s not clean but will have to work.
I pull it over my head and slide on my cut as I shove my feet into my boots.
As I’m heading for the door, I catch sight of a bottle of whiskey that stops me in my tracks.
I flex my shaking hands and squeeze my eyes shut.
No! Grabbing it, I stalk to the bathroom and dump it down the drain.
Then, remembering what’s important, I turn on my heels and head for the door.
I jog down the steps and push through the clubhouse doors out into the sunlight. Inhaling deeply, I take in a lung full of fresh air and pray that Sierra will give me another chance, even though we both know I don’t deserve one. Guided by that, I climb on my bike and ride to Vipers.
Someone must have sent up smoke signals to rat me out if the pissed-off woman perched at the top of her steps is any indication.
Kierra looks like she’s ready to castrate me with her arms crossed over her chest, hip cocked to the side and her foot tapping the beat to what I can only assume is a warrior’s anthem.
The only thing missing is her battle cry, which has me a little afraid.
Killing the ignition, I kick the kickstand into the gravel and hop off, holding up my hands in surrender. “Let me explain.”
“Oh, you’re going to explain, and then you’re going to turn your ass around and leave my sister alone! She saw you with another woman!” Kierra shouts.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I growl.
“She saw you taking some blonde bitch up to your room. Do you think you can fuck around on my sister, and she’ll sweep it under the rug? I won’t let her!”
“Fuck no, she didn’t! Mandy, who is married to Thorn’s sister, by the way, helped me upstairs, but that was it. I may have thought I was doing the right thing, but I would never disrespect your sister like that. Ever!”
“You need to leave, Sparrow. You’ve done enough damage, and my sister doesn’t need the stress.”
“I can’t do that, Kierra.” Gripping the back of my neck, I try to find some patience for Viper’s wife.
I know she means well, and while she is entirely correct, and I appreciate her having Sierra’s back, I need her to back the fuck off.
“I love her. More than anything. I fucked up, and I know I don’t deserve another chance, but I’m begging for one,” I admit, catching movement behind her.
I see Sierra through the window, and my heart drops when I see how tired she looks.
Not willing to give up, I ascend the steps shouting, “Please, Sierra! I’m sorry, baby! I’m here!” When she moves out of sight, I drop to my knees, ignoring the tears soaking into my beard, and whisper, “Please, talk to me.”
“I needed you, but you hurt me,” her soft, shaky voice whips through me like a fist around my heart. I’m ashamed of how many times I’ve hurt her when all she’s ever done is stand by my side. No matter what, without fear or judgment, she’s been my rock.
“I know.” I raise my head and look her in the eye, praying she can see the conviction there.
“I know I hurt you, Birdie. I don’t deserve you.
I never did, but I’m a selfish bastard, and I love you.
I was going through the motions before you, but now—” I shake my head at how fucking stupid I’ve been, “Now, baby, I’ve seen what life tastes like with you by my side; what waking up beside you every morning feels like .
. . fuck, baby. Don’t you get it? You never needed me.
I needed you, and I didn’t even realize it until now.
” Bowing my head, I let the tears fall because I don’t deserve her forgiveness.
Unable to look her in the eyes, I admit, “I was scared, Birdie, but I get it now. I blamed myself for Tempy’s death and the death of our child.
It’s not an excuse. I know that, but I was afraid that something would happen to you because of me, and I got scared.
You were right, though. We should have talked and figured things out together.
” I’m scared to move when she steps closer, her body within inches.
She sifts her hand through my hair, and instinctively I lean into her touch.
Finally, daring to look at her, I raise my head.
“My sister told me what happened, Braxton, and it wasn’t your fault.
Please believe that because you’re letting your guilt destroy us.
We need to be able to count on you to stick around when things get hard,” she says, pulling my head to rest against her growing belly.
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I breathe her in.
“Daddy!” I shift my body just in time to catch Nash.
“I told you to stay inside,” Kierra scolds.
On my knees, at the feet of the woman who holds my heart in her hands, I let go of the past. “I do, Birdie. I will never let anything affect our future again.”