Chapter 9
Emmy
It’s time to go home. The dinner party has been a roaring success and my cheeks hurt from smiling.
We’ve covered everything from KPop Demon Hunters to the latest research into attachment parenting and my wine has been refilled more times than I can count.
I feel all squiggly round the edges and pleasantly mellow – the optimal level of tipsy.
I’m shrugging my coat on in the hallway when I hear a voice behind me.
“Do you want to share a cab?” Luke is standing in the doorway, leaning against the jamb. He’s wearing some sort of cashmere overcoat that screams ‘I do all my shopping in Selfridges.’
“Isn’t Fulham a bit out of your way?” I reply, cocking my head and looking at him.
“Not if we drop me off first,” he says, a small smile curving around the edge of his mouth. He’s got a great mouth. I’m not sure why I’ve never noticed before.
“Oh of course.” I smile. “Sounds good!”
“Great! I’ll hail a cab while you say bye.” He strides past me and out of the front door, a waft of citrus in his wake. I blink, momentarily forgetting what I’m meant to be doing as he vanishes into the night.
“Night! Thanks for a fab evening,” I call, sticking my head back into the living room as I get my brain back online. Nick has melted into the sofa and Priya is asleep with her feet in his lap. He gives me a lazy smile and a jaunty salute.
“Night, kiddo. Thanks for coming. Can’t wait to meet the new roommate.” He grins, waving me off.
I follow Luke out into the crisp night air and find him waiting in a black cab. I’d have just called an Uber but Luke’s always been a lot fancier than me. I climb in and pull the door closed behind us.
“Two stops, please,” he informs the driver. “First up, Pimlico, then West Brompton. Alderney Street then Ongar Road.” The driver confirms and we pull away.
There’s a beat of silence. Luke and I don’t really hang out one on one and we’ve never shared a cab together. He’s been a staple of my life since my childhood but I don’t really know a lot about him. He rarely talks about himself.
“So,” I start, grasping at a topic. “How’s work?”
He clears his throat. “It’s good, thank you. How’s yours?”
“Oh, you know, same old same old,” I supply, shrugging. God, this is painful. There’s another moment of silence and I bite my lip.
“How are—”
“I wanted to—”
We speak over each other and then laugh. It breaks the weird tension in the air. I gesture at him to go on.
“Sorry. Thanks.” He sounds stilted as he finds his footing again. “I wanted to ask how you are? I mean properly. Are you ok? What you’ve been through is… well, it’s a headfuck and I wanted to check. That you’re ok, I mean.” He clears his throat again and looks over at me.
I look back and we hold eye contact for a second before I reply. The air feels heavy between us.
“Thank you, Luke. That means a lot. I’m ok. Up and down, you know? But overall ok. I feel more myself tonight than I have in ages.” I give him a small smile, which he returns.
“I went through something similar once. A long time ago.”
“I didn’t know that,” I reply. “What happened?”
“I was engaged a while back, you remember? Lucy?”
“Yes! I’d forgotten about her. I knew you’d broken up but Nick never mentioned why.”
“Well, I caught her in bed with our financial advisor.” He grimaces and I wince.
“Oh Luke, I had no idea. I’m sorry. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, it was… suboptimal,” he supplies. I give him a sad smile.
“To being crushed emotionally by the people who are meant to love you.” I give him an imaginary toast.
“To having your heart ripped out,” he replies, raising an invisible glass to mine.
There’s another silence, more comfortable this time. I reach for another question.
“And… you’ve been single ever since, right? I’ve not heard of you having a girlfriend in the last few years. Or a boyfriend?”
Luke smiles.
“You’re right. No girlfriends. Or boyfriends, though never say never, right?” He gives me a wink which goes straight to my core. Luke Pullman just winked at me.
“Indeed.” I incline my head and smirk back at him, which he returns.
“I’ve found I’m better off single,” he adds.
I nod in reply but don’t say anything. For a moment, his shoulders sag like he’s carrying something heavy. Then the mask slips back into place. “Anyway, what I’m saying is that I’ve been where you are, sort of. And I’m here for you if you need anything.”
He glances at me again, an unreadable look in his eyes.
“Thanks, Luke,” I say, after a beat. I reach out, brushing my fingers just briefly over his sleeve. “That means a lot.”
He watches me for a second too long, like he’s trying to read something on my face.
Outside the window, the lights of the city flicker past, but inside the cab, it’s suddenly silent again.
I shift in my seat as we hold eye contact, neither of us speaking.
I wonder what he’s thinking. I’m about to break the stalemate when the cab slows to a halt and I realise we’ve arrived outside Luke’s place.
We sit for a just a moment too long, as if he’s going to say something – but doesn’t.
“This is me,” he says eventually, his voice a tad gruffer than usual.
“Night,” I reply, but it comes out softer than I mean it to.
He shuts the door behind him and I close my eyes, leaning back against my seat.
I still can’t believe Luke fucking winked at me.
I open them as we pull away, catching sight of his face, turned back towards the cab as we drive down his road.
There’s an unreadable expression on his face and I bite my lip, a shiver running down my spine.
The rest of the cab ride home passes in silence, bar the soft pattering of Radio 2 from the front. Normally Nick and Chloe are my two absolute rocks. But tonight, the person who truly made me feel seen was Luke. And I’m not quite sure what to make of that.
As I eventually make my way back to Fulham, my mind keeps going back to him. The look on his face – like the flicker of some old pain resurfacing – stays with me long after I walk through my door.