Chapter 46
Emmy
Luke’s standing in the middle of a maternity ward looking like he wants to devour me and for a second, I actually forget how to breathe. Heat rushes up my neck, my stomach drops, and my heart starts up a tap dance of joy at the sight of him.
I know he’s been in a really intensive course of therapy because we’ve stayed in touch by text, but seeing him here in person is like seeing a new man.
Physically he’s the same – devastatingly beautiful, jaw you could cut glass on, silver flecks in his dark hair – but the air around him feels different.
The tight coil of control that always sat in his shoulders is gone. His gaze is open, steady, unafraid. And when he smiles at me, it’s not that rare, careful smile I used to have to earn; it’s easy, unguarded. It makes me want to lick his dimples.
We’re still standing six feet apart just looking at each other when a stout midwife strolls in and does a double take.
“What is this? Priya is in labour, not hosting a bloody house party. Only her birth partner needs to be here.” She snaps on a pair of gloves with the authority of someone who takes no prisoners. “Especially as we need to do a vaginal exam.”
Priya groans and I give her a sympathetic smile.
“We’ll go to the cafeteria,” Luke says quickly, crossing to Nick and putting a hand on his shoulder. “You’ve got this, Nick. You’re all she needs. Just breathe when Priya breathes. And call us if you need us.”
My brother gives him a solid nod, squeezes his shoulder back, and then, as if making a decision, pulls him into a tight hug.
Luke hugs him back without hesitation, and when they pull apart, there’s the faintest shimmer in both their eyes.
My throat goes tight. I hadn’t realised how much I needed to see this, the two of them whole again.
“We’ll be just downstairs!” I tell Priya, blowing her a kiss as Luke holds the door for me.
We make it about 10 feet down the corridor before we both start laughing.
“Do you think we should tell her that a run of the mill vaginal exam is pretty mainstream for the likes of us?” I giggle.
“Tempting,” he says, grinning sideways at me. “But then she might’ve asked for a demonstration.”
When the laughter fades, we’re still side by side, alone together for the first time in weeks, and my pulse picks up all over again.
We walk in silence down to the cafeteria, both waiting for the other to speak. It’s only when we sit down with a coffee that the moment feels right.
“It’s so good to see you,” he says softly. He lifts a hand as if to cup my jaw and then drops it, but I catch it and hold his palm to my cheek, nuzzling into it.
“It’s good to see you too,” I say. “You look really well.”
“You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
There’s another long pause where we just look at each other, smiling.
“I love you,” he says, eyes clear and full of confidence. “I love you so much that living without you has been like living without enough oxygen. Just being in the same room as you makes me feel like I can finally breathe again.”
“Oh, Luke. I love you too. I cannot tell you how desperately I’ve been waiting for this moment.”
He gives me his brightest smile and it’s breathtaking. It makes me wonder if every other smile I’ve seen was just slightly muted.
“So, I had an idea,” he says, clearing his throat. “Hear me out.”
“Ok…” I tilt my head, quirking a smile.
“I’m looking for someone to help with something. Scratching a few particular itches.”
I raise an eyebrow.
“I’ve been in love with the same person for a while. And we’ve had some incredible sex.” He winks. “But I’m interested in more than that.”
Oh Luke, you delicious man. I nod, a smirk curling the corners of my mouth as he replays my indecent proposal back to me.
“I want to explore things. I want to push myself. I want to be the perfect man for the perfect woman. You see, I’m looking for love and commitment and weekend strolls on the beach.
I’m looking for someone I trust who can help me figure out who I am.
I’ve got a list of things I want to try. And I guess I’m looking for a partner.”
I lean in and give him a conspiratorial smile.
“And what sort of things are on your list?”
“Oh, nothing crazy. I want to get drunk on margs while we make Korean fried chicken on a Friday night. I want to go for long, ill-advised walks along the Thames. I want to dance at every wedding with you. I want to have in-jokes, and stupid phrases, and a shared passion for re-runs of Criminal Minds. I want the little stuff and the big stuff and everything in between. The good days and the bad days. I want it all. With you.”
My eyes are shining with happy tears as I lean across the table and crash my mouth onto his.
He opens immediately and our tongues clash in a wild dance, desperate for each other.
His thumb strokes my jaw exactly like he did the first time he kissed me, and my whole body lights up in recognition.
I moan softly into his mouth and he groans in reply.
After a moment, he pauses, pulling back to look into my eyes.
“I’m ready to be what you deserve now, Em, if you’ll let me. You’re all I can think about, the only thing I want. I’m addicted to you. I’ve been addicted since the moment you turned up on my doorstep with two coffees and an insane idea.”
I smile, even as tears form in my eyes.
“You came storming into my perfect, tidy little life and turned it upside down. I thought I had everything I needed until I had you. And without you, nothing will ever be enough. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.
Will you be mine, Em? Because whether you want me or not, I am so fucking yours that it hurts. ”
“I’ve been yours the whole time, Luke. I fell hard and fast and I don’t regret a single moment of us. You’re it for me.” We stare at each other in wonder, then he fists my hair and pulls me back in for another kiss.
Time slows down and we are lost in each other. We are meant to do this forever; I feel it in my bones.
A small cough in the distance is the only thing that pulls me back into reality and we break apart on a breathless laugh. This is a hospital cafeteria after all. Probably not the ideal place to climb the love of my life like a tree.
I sit back in my chair, a blush rushing to my cheeks, but nothing can wipe the grin off my face.
“I think I can help you with that list, Mr Pullman.”
The smile he gives me is blinding.