Chapter 13 #2
“One morning, they woke up with renewed minds and clear focus. I thought something the healers had done made them feel better, but Mother took off her gloves and screamed. Father found his brand mark as well. We cut them out before we even knew where they’d come from, but as news from the east trickled our way, we quickly put it together.
” She frowned at her tea cup as if it were to blame.
“Some of the notes Mother had lying around made it clear she’d been wooing influential leaders across the country to stand behind Mayvus as well, though she doesn’t remember it. ”
Gaeren rubbed his palms over his face, trying to imagine when that had happened—how it had happened.
Mayvus would have needed some of their blood to brand them.
Had the dignitaries procured a sample? Had Mayvus done it herself the last time they’d seen her?
She’d probably had dozens of opportunities over the years.
If she’d stored it like she’d stored Durriken’s, she probably had more of it in the fortress.
The thought left him anxious to return to Myndren and scour the fortress for himself.
“That explains their behavior before I left,” Gaeren said. “I mean, they’ve always been…”
“They put the needs of the nation before their family.” Enla’s words were careful and tinted with warning.
It wasn’t how he would describe how their father had used his destructive somatic skills for discipline. “I thought Mother was losing her mind, but really, it was being controlled by someone else.”
Enla nodded, her face pale. “So far, we’ve been able to keep this amongst ourselves. Only the highest of council members are aware. Those who had been questioning their decisions lately.”
“What about Father Fernandus?”
“We told the priest,” she admitted.
“Did any of the healers figure it out?”
She shook her head. “We had to tell Tobias, but none of the other healers know.”
The elderly progeny was often found by his parents’ side—almost as often as his uncle Danton, who was charged with protecting the king as the throne warden.
Gaeren had known Tobias as long as he’d known Father Fernandus, and he was the most trustworthy of the healers.
“And they just accept their miraculous healing without question?”
“We let them think their efforts were successful, just like we’d originally thought. A few of them are still trying to figure out what initial malady struck them.” A wry smile flitted across her face. “But most of them are moving on to deal with Father and Mother’s other symptoms.”
“What’s wrong with them now?” Gaeren asked.
Frowning, she toyed with the bread from her sandwich.
“I can’t know for sure. It’s like they’re aging quickly.
Father Fernandus thinks their shame over their actions is taking its toll.
For a while, we were receiving missives every other day that reminded them of the poor choices they’d made.
Families from Islara requesting assistance or justice.
Dignitaries from the southern provinces asking us to recant our support or they would threaten war.
Most of the fires have been put out by myself and the council members, but I know they’re feeling guilt over all that occurred under their rule.
Mother has so much anxiety that Tobias often gives her calming tinctures.
Father is ready to step down and give me full authority, but I’ve asked him to wait a little longer. ”
Gaeren chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying to decide how to ask his question without pushing Enla the wrong direction.
“I know we both assumed we’d be far older before that happened, but is it possible that’s best in this scenario?
You’ve been making most of the decisions for the last few years anyway. ”
Enla leaned forward. “Don’t you see? I’ve been making the decisions, and these things have still happened. Maybe I’m the problem.”
Gaeren placed his hand over his sister’s, stopping her fingers from shredding the bread.
“You can’t possibly believe that. You’re the only thing that’s held our family together.
” Even as he said the words, guilt threaded through him.
She’d held their family together, but not their nation.
What if they all stepped down? What if they made efforts to shift from a monarchy to a democracy?
If it was their choice, could the bloody end to the monarchy be a peaceful transition instead?
“I can’t sift the past to know which wrong decisions were mine and which were overruled by Father.
But when I sift the future, I still see difficult decisions ahead.
Decisions I don’t want to have to make.” Her eyes glazed over in that way he hated.
“There is pain that can’t be avoided in every path. ”
He shook her hand to bring her focus back on him. “You need to stop searching the future. Live in the moment. Make the best decision you can with the information you have right now.”
Her smile wavered as if she might cry. “This is why I wanted you here as my throne warden.” She sat back, pulling her hands from his. “But I can’t hold you to that anymore. When you broke your bond with Lenda, that ship sailed right along with you.”
Gaeren eyed Riveran, who gave a slight shake to his head before glancing down at Gaeren’s hand.
Gaeren flipped it over to study the bond mark on his palm.
The dark red mark had faded around the edges since the fight against Mayvus, as if his temporary connection to Aeliana had threatened the health of his bond. But it was still there.
“I…didn’t break my bond with Lenda.”
Her gaze rose to his, the confusion on her face painful to watch. “You did. I remember Lenda coming to me and crying…” She frowned, her eyes losing focus once more. “Wait, no… that was only one of the possibilities.” She bit her lip. “Wasn’t it?”
Alarm shot through Gaeren. “I mean it, Enla. You need to stop sifting the future. Have your mentors been holding you accountable? Are you marking the options so you can keep track of reality?” It was a strategy he’d come up with back when Riveran had left and Enla’s sanity had gone with him.
She’d gotten so twisted in all the “what ifs” that she’d had trouble hanging on to reality.
Every day he’d made her write down branches showing future possibilities.
And every day he’d made her mark which direction things had gone, while crossing out all the things that hadn’t happened.
“My skills have advanced beyond most of my mentors,” she murmured. “A few still come to help me work on projecting emotion, but… well, there hasn’t been much need for that. There’s been far more need for me to assess our options for the future.”
“What about Croft?” Riveran asked, his jaw tight as he studied the tablecloth a little too closely. “Is he holding you accountable? Does he even know the limits you need to stick to?”
Enla’s face turned pink. “Croft takes good care of me.”
“He doesn’t even know you,” Riveran muttered.
Enla picked up her tea cup and took a lengthy draw, like it was water in a desert.
The awkward moment lengthened until Gaeren no longer remembered how it had started. Hadn’t they been worried about Enla overusing her magic?
“You should have broken your bond,” Enla finally said.
Ah, that was where it had started. “You said that the last time I was here. But the time before that, you insisted I lean into the bond.” He couldn’t help the dry tone at this point.
“Well, after you didn’t lean into it, it became necessary to get rid of it.”
“Then why doesn’t Lenda do it?”
This time Riveran huffed his annoyance. “If Lenda breaks it, it would be considered treason. That’s why even the perception of me breaking ours made me lose everything.”
The strained silence returned and Gaeren avoided looking at the X on Riveran’s forehead.
“If you do it,” Enla said, “Lenda will be cast as the spurned lover by a spoiled prince. Others will swoop in to rescue her.”
“Why don’t you want me to marry her?” Gaeren ground out. “Wouldn’t that be the best scenario?”
“You’ve never wanted to marry her.”
“But we’re bonded.” He shoved his palm at her, as if she hadn’t ever seen the mark plaguing his skin.
“I may not love her, but I don’t want to hurt her.
Not after watching—” He glanced at Riveran, but the damage was already done.
The other man’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, and he stood, mumbling some excuse about needing to take care of personal matters.
Enla flinched as the door shut behind Riveran, and she closed her eyes. “It’s not the same, Gaeren.”
“What do you mean it’s not the same?” He leaned forward with a heated whisper. “Breaking bonds is always painful. It nearly killed you. I felt it when I tried to take your memories.”
She sighed. “I didn’t realize how much that stayed with you, but I suppose with the way you hold on to memories…”
He blinked and sat back. Was she saying it wouldn’t hurt him? That it wouldn’t hurt Lenda?
“I can’t know for sure, but I suspect that the pain of breaking a bond is directly related to the strength of the bond.
” She grabbed his palm and traced the mark.
“Yours even looks smaller than I remember. Like you’ve been ignoring it.
You could let it fade over your entire lifetime, but neither one of you would feel free to move on unless you chose to break it.
It would be a horrible existence. Free yourself. Free Lenda.”
She flipped over his other palm, and he winced as she took in the sight of his pink and white puckered skin: the mark that he’d used blood magic to brand Aeliana.
It was something he’d done temporarily to save her.
Even though they’d cut it out after Durriken took Mayvus, it was something he’d never be able to hide.
“I wondered which choice you’d make,” she whispered.
He tensed, waiting for her to berate him, to call him out on reaching new lows. He already expected his parents to disown him for it, but he’d hoped Enla might hear him out.
She traced the skin, her gaze losing focus again. “You know, if you can’t stomach the thought of cutting out your bond mark, maybe you should find a woman to help you break it the old-fashioned way.”
His mind reeled at the flip-flop of topics. “Break it the—” His face heated, and he pulled his hand away. “Stop sifting my future. We promised we wouldn’t use our magic to invade each other’s privacy.”
Her focus returned as she smiled and crossed her arms. “I wasn’t even using my magic. I was simply making a suggestion. If you were willing to do blood magic for this woman, maybe you’re willing to break a bond for her.” Her eyebrows rose so high that Gaeren responded the only way he knew how.
He smashed an entire pudding pie in her face.