Chapter 17 #2
She somehow managed to look even more tired than before.
Her hands dropped to her side and balled up the fabric of her skirt.
“Stars are already infused with the light of the Sun. Anything they need can be granted by taking to the skies and being enveloped in the Sun’s presence.
A half-light’s magic is too weak to work on a Star, even one who’s been grounded. ”
“So you’re not just any Star. You’re Sheen.”
Orra raised her chin. “I might not announce it, but I won’t deny it. Aeliana’s already figured out almost as much as you.”
Gaeren grinned at her regal way of refusing to admit she’d lied. It reminded him of Enla. “I might have trusted you sooner if you’d given me that name.”
A shudder passed through her at the use of the name. “You shouldn’t trust me. Not if you read my role in The Sins of the Stars.”
“I read about a Star who wanted to save the people from themselves,” he said softly. “I’m not sure what you read.”
“I read between the lines because I lived it. I wrote that book as a warning, but even then, I left out the worst of it.” She clamped her jaw down and looked away.
All this time, he’d thought she’d just been responsible for the handwritten notes in it. He wanted to laugh at the ridiculous revelation that she’d written the entire thing, but her eyes still crinkled with pain, and her shoulders were still weighed down by her shame.
“Father Fernandus told me it’s best to confess our sins. Bearing that burden alone is too much for anyone.”
“It’s true. I can’t keep the worst of my sins a secret forever.” Still, she didn’t offer him anything more, and when her shoulders relaxed a fraction, he decided to let it lie.
“Iris mentioned you’re all still looking for the stone. I’m sorry you haven’t found it yet.”
Instead of responding, she took a few steps closer to the edge of the battlement so she could lean out and look at the grounds below.
Gaeren followed, taking in the sight of dozens of fire pits and tents, camps formed by the men and women who couldn’t fit in the fortress. “She also mentioned you’re looking for something else. Did you catch wind of another starbridge?”
Orra shook her head. “You’ll have to ask Sylmar about that. His goals might align with mine, but they’re not the same. Not really. All of us have our own goals. Even you.” She gave him a pointed look, then let her gaze trail down to where his starlock rested under his shirt.
After years of keeping it hidden, he automatically placed a protective hand over it, but she probably already knew what it was. She probably even knew what it represented.
On a whim, he pulled it out, frowning at its teardrop shape.
When he’d first begun training, he’d hoped it was a sign that he’d receive water for his rim magic, but now that his magic traveled down the destructive noetic spoke, fire was the only possible element in his future.
If anything, it could represent the way water magic would someday overpower him.
And that was best-case scenario. Worst case was that it represented a tear and his future held deep sorrow.
Sometimes it was what fueled him to celebrate each day for what it was and to not take life too seriously.
“You still haven’t figured it out?” Orra murmured.
“I have theories.” His words came out defensive.
She closed her eyes, tilting her face toward the setting Sun. “Sometimes the most obvious answers elude us because we try to overcomplicate the solution.”
He scowled at her evasive answer. “It’s water or tears. I assume it’s because I spend time at sea. Perhaps that’s how I’ll die. Or maybe it represents all the sorrows I’ll have in life. It can’t get more obvious or simple than that.”
“You’re still thinking of it in symbolic terms. Where else have you seen that exact mark every day of your life? Or at least that you can remember?”
He let the starlock fall against his chest, then held up his hand, lining the starlock up with his bond mark. “I considered it early on, but Lenda and I were never close. And after Enla… well, I think I sort of hated the idea of my bond being that important.”
“Maybe it doesn’t represent the importance of the bond so much as what you decide to do with it,” Orra mused.
He blinked in surprise, then held up his starlock once more.
The tear shape of his bond mark took on a whole new meaning as he held them together.
Now the starlock mocked his bond, as if telling him it would define who he was whether he wanted it to or not.
Did it imply he should be a man of honor and hold to his bond and role as throne warden?
Could he even after the things he’d said and done?
Or did it suggest his need to sever this last thing tying him to his family’s throne?
His starlock could represent the defining decision either way he went.
“What am I supposed to do?” he whispered.
“Sometimes the hardest questions are when both answers are right for different reasons.”
Gaeren tried to tamp down his frustration.
He’d seen Orra sift the future of souls just like Enla, except she hadn’t even needed to hold anything that belonged to them.
Sometimes Orra’s power seemed limitless, greater than anything Gaeren had seen before, and sometimes it felt like she couldn’t access it at all.
If she wanted to, she could sift his future and tell him which answer was more right.
It felt selfish when she held back, but as he took in the dark circles under her eyes and the way she leaned against the wall, he knew she wasn’t holding back. She was fading.
“Or it could just be that you’re a sailor.” Orra shrugged. “Maybe I’m trying to make it out to be something it’s not.”
Gaeren snorted and tucked the starlock back under his tunic.
It had been a mystery ever since he’d received it.
He couldn’t expect to solve it right at this moment.
“I guess I’d better find Sylmar since no one else wants to tell me what I’ve missed.
Even though I risked my life to bring back Rildan and the arrow. ”
A faint smile crossed Orra’s face as she pushed off the battlement’s edge. “You’re the arrow’s protector now. Hold it close until we have the others.” Her unhurried gait as she turned to the northern keep’s door was almost painfully slow.
He was tempted to escort her up the stairs but felt certain her pride wouldn’t appreciate it. Instead, he turned back and headed for the main hall. Sylmar had some explaining to do.