Chapter 22
Aeliana wove her way through the troops at the gate, unable to keep her hands from the strands of hair tickling her neck and cheeks.
After talking to Gaeren, she’d thought it would be freeing, that it would make her feel ready to step into her identity as a Vendaran.
Instead she felt naked and vulnerable, especially after Gaeren had turned it all into a joke.
Tears burned behind her eyes, and whatever sense of loss she’d felt shifted to frustration. It was only hair. It shouldn’t matter.
She made her way toward Iris and Holm’s room, avoiding eye contact with everyone she passed, unwilling to accept any more bows.
When she reached their door, shouts came from within, and Aeliana’s hand froze where it hung, poised to knock.
She couldn’t make out what they fought about, but she suspected it was the vote.
“What did you do?” Kendalyhn’s horrified whisper came from behind.
Aeliana whipped around, causing uneven strands to fling into her eyes and make her flinch.
Kendalyhn reached out to touch the edges of Aeliana’s hair where it brushed against her cheek. Down the hall, half a dozen soldiers stood in silence, their eyes holding a strange hope as they gave the bow Aeliana had been so desperate to avoid.
“Come here,” Kendalyhn hissed, dragging Aeliana by the elbow toward her own room, beyond the prying eyes of the soldiers. Inside, she gestured for Aeliana to sit on a stool and folded her arms over her chest. “What made you finally do it?”
Aeliana swallowed hard, not wanting to explain Gaeren’s role in it. “You and Iris were right. I should have done it a long time ago.”
Kendalyhn’s eyes narrowed, her gaze flicking back to the door.
Aeliana twisted her hands together. The other half-light probably sensed Gaeren’s involvement with her pneumatic abilities.
“I’ll never understand you.” Kendalyhn huffed the words out before digging out a pair of shears from a drawer.
She roughly spun Aeliana around and began snipping at the choppy ends.
“Sylmar and Iris speak as if you’re here to change the world even though you know nothing about it.
You’re like a child, too caught up in your own woes to recognize how much the people around you are hurting.
And now, just before we leave the troops, you manage to do the one thing that might rally them to follow you to the ends of the earth.
But you have no idea that you’ve done it.
And now you’re leaving before you can follow through on it.
” The longer Kendalyhn spoke, the more her words lost their hard edges.
She kept snipping, making Aeliana wonder if she’d have any hair left by the time this was over.
“I didn’t come here to change the world.
And I know the people around me are hurting.
I know I caused a lot of it.” Aeliana’s words came out like a whine, further proving Kendalyhn’s assessment.
“And I wasn’t trying to rally the troops.
I’m stuck between two worlds, not fully Vendaran and not fully Lorvandan.
I just wanted to show I’m here to stay. I’m willing to learn.
If different clothes and hair are the way to communicate that, then fine.
I give in.” Her conviction drained as she went on.
She’d been a fool.
Kendalyhn sighed but didn’t respond, continuing to clip the ends of Aeliana’s hair.
As the silence grew between them, the sounds of the soldiers out in the bailey drifted up through the window, mixing with the crackle of the fire in Kendalyhn’s room.
Aeliana closed her eyes, imagining they weren’t about to embark on a dangerous journey and there wasn’t hatred constantly brewing between her and Kendalyhn.
The shears went still, and Kendalyhn hummed. “That should do for now.” She spun Aeliana back, turning a critical eye on the hair falling in her face. She snipped a few more pieces.
“I feel like short hair is going to get in my way just as much as long hair,” Aeliana mumbled. “At least I could tie my hair back before.”
“You get used to it. Sun’s fire, your head has to at least feel lighter.”
“True.” Aeliana gave the other woman a tentative smile. “Thank you.”
Kendalyhn looked down at the shears, her face a mask.
“Why does it matter so much that I cut my hair? Iris always pushed me to do it, but I thought it was more symbolic. You seem… angry. And the soldiers…” Aeliana glanced back toward the door even though it was closed to whatever soldiers remained in the hall.
“They stared at me like they’d seen a ghost.”
“I’m not sure even Iris realized what it would do.
” Kendalyhn reached out and tapped Aeliana’s chin right and left, studying her face.
“But you look exactly like your mother. You’ve basically laid claim to your heritage.
You haven’t just proven that you’re Vendaran and here to fight with the people.
You’ve proven you’re a Wyndren.” Something close to admiration came through in Kendalyhn’s voice, but her words only made Aeliana anxious.
“I can’t ever live up to their expectations.”
Kendalyhn snorted. “I know. And I’m glad you know it.
” Her gaze softened. “But those people don’t need to know it.
” She gestured toward the door. “Let their ignorance build their confidence. When we leave in two days’ time, you’re going to wave goodbye with your head high, reassuring them that they’re staying behind to fight for a future out from under the rule of the Elanesses. A future filled with freedom.”
“Eventually they’ll discover I’m a failure.” Aeliana bit her lip.
“Maybe.” Kendalyhn squinted at Aeliana, but for once she didn’t seem angry. “Or maybe you’ll grow into their expectations.”
A wave of shock rippled through Aeliana. “Are you—did you just give me a compliment?”
Kendalyhn rolled her eyes. “Don’t read into it. I can still despise you. But for now you’re the ally of my allies, and I have to make it work.” Despite her words, a small smile graced her face.
“Well, ally of my allies,” Aeliana said, hiding her own grin, “any chance you have a pair of trousers I could wear?”
That night Aeliana said her goodbyes to the ailing Felk, and in the morning she fussed over the baby winex she was being forced to abandon.
Emeris promised to give him memories of Aeliana, and Orra swore she’d watch out for all the winex in Iris’ absence.
But it still hurt to pry the toddler from her legs the following morning when those traveling headed to the shore.
Saying goodbye to her parents was equally difficult after having just gotten them both back, so by the time Orra found her in the bailey, her emotions were raw.
“Are you ready to go?” Orra’s question seemed too simple considering who it came from.
If anyone else had asked it, Aeliana would have said yes, because physically she was packed and ready.
But Orra always got to the heart of the matter, and Aeliana couldn’t honestly tell the other woman she was ready.
“I want to be,” she said instead.
Orra smiled, and they stood in silence for a while, watching as dozens of horses lined up for the short ride to Gaeren’s ship.
Three wagons filled with supplies were already being driven out through the gate, and four more had been sent out during the night.
Aeliana marveled at the amount of work people were putting in to ensure the success of their trip.
It should have made her grateful, but instead it made her nervous.
Everyone was counting on them to succeed. What if they didn’t?
Her parents stood with Holm and Iris, the faithful maidservant giving final instructions to Rildan on how to care for Emeris, which he humbly took, either because he really needed them or just to humor her. Holm tugged on Iris’ elbow, likely trying to save Rildan from the barrage.
Sylmar and Velden were having a meeting with General Nels and a few of his men. All their faces seemed even more serious than they’d been during the meeting two nights ago, which brought a new round of nerves to Aeliana.
Brogdon seemed to have found his place among the sailors, working alongside Riveran and Thallahan to secure the cargo in the wagons.
She suspected Larkos and the other sailors were already at the ship, organizing the wares delivered the night before and doing final preparations, but she had no idea all of what went into sailing a vessel.
For the first time, she felt a twinge of excitement. Being out on the open water sounded thrilling, even if their final destination didn’t.
“I’m glad you held your ground the other night,” Orra said.
“What?” Aeliana pulled her gaze from the chaos to try to process Orra’s words.
“When others wanted to go to Andel, you didn’t change your mind.”
“Did you sift the future? Is this the right choice?”
Orra’s eyes grew troubled. “My powers have grown too weak for me to know that for certain. Both paths have options for success and both have options for failures. It’s the decisions along the way that will make the journey’s end a success or failure.”
“Isn’t that always the way of life?” Aeliana tried to hold back her frustration. What was the use in being able to sift the future if that was the only answer Orra had?
Orra hummed. “A very wise assessment. Just like it was wise of you to step back and let the vote run its course. If you were certain there was no chance of success on this mission, it would be one thing. But knowing each has potential makes it a fight not worth having. It might feel backward, but letting them make that decision shows leadership skills that will pay off in your future.”
“It wasn’t exactly intentional,” Aeliana muttered.
“You could have refused to go,” Orra said. “You could have set off for Pacran on your own. You’re still showing faith and trust in them, and that will pay back tenfold in the future.”