Chapter 19. Descending into Madness and Hell in 3 … 2 … 1
CHAPTER 19
Descending into Madness and Hell in 3… 2… 1
Halfway through the drive to Seattle, and my mind was blown.
“You know, these construction podcasts aren’t so bad after all. Who would’ve thought?”
Alec was concentrating on the road, but he had a small smile on his lips. “Told you.”
“What this guy is talking about can be applied across any industry.” I paused to catch the end of the episode we’d been listening to. “I mean, of course I knew the importance of innovation, but what really resonated with me was when he said that business owners need to have a specific innovation plan and strategy in place. I’d never thought of that.”
“We have one. Rob and I worked on it not too long ago.”
“I’ll have to prepare one for the bakery. I’m going to share this with Kim, too, for her yarn store. Is Rob coming tonight?”
Alec nodded. “He left before us, so he should be there by now.”
“What’s this get-together for, anyway?”
“Jacqui said it’s an informal gathering after their quarterly board meeting today. She wanted to introduce us to her board of directors and the senior management team.”
“Sounds like the acquisition is a done deal, then.”
“It is. We’re signing the agreement on Friday.”
I tilted my head at him, curious. “Then you don’t really need me to come tonight.”
“She asked about you, and I thought it’d be good for her to see us together again.”
Something inside me deflated a bit hearing that. Maybe I was expecting too much, but after everything that had happened, I was—foolishly—hoping that a part of him might be asking me to go to these things for Jacqui because he wanted to spend time with me. Clearly I couldn’t be more wrong, and if I’d hoped he was asking me for anything else other than a show for Jacqui, then I was kidding myself.
“You’ve done it. You got what you’ve worked really hard for. Congratulations.”
“Thanks. I couldn’t have done it without you.” He gave me an adoring an affectionate a warm smile.
“Just give me ten percent of your profit for the year.”
His smile turned into a chuckle. “I’ll see what I can do.”
“By the way, I had lunch with Mike today.”
“Did you?” The smile dimmed.
“It wasn’t good.” I told him what happened, and although his eyes were fixed on the road, his face twisted into an annoyed scowl.
“That’s unacceptable. He was being extremely disrespectful to you.” His tone was calm, but there was an undercurrent of anger underneath. “I’ll have a word with him.”
“Don’t waste your time. He’s not worth the effort.” A sliver of irritation poked at me. “He acted like I disgusted him. I couldn’t care less about what he thinks, but it’s still annoying.”
Alec was quiet for a while, until we came to a stop at a red light. He turned to me, and one warm hand shot out to squeeze mine. “Listen, Ellie. Don’t let the Mike Changs of the world get you down. Trust me. You’re the bravest, strongest woman I’ve ever met.”
Warmth suffused me as I glanced down at his hand covering mine. How did I ever think I needed someone like Mike to take my mind off Alec? That WhatsApp message nudged me, saying, He used to have a crush on you. Aren’t you going to ask him about it?
We hadn’t addressed that, and I wasn’t sure how to react if he broached the subject. Maybe I could feign amnesia. Or pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about.
It was past seven when we arrived, but the twenty-story building that housed the GPG office in downtown Seattle was still buzzing with activity. Weary-looking employees filtered out of the foyer, some seeming like they could fall asleep standing on the curb.
According to Alec, GPG owned the building (naturally), but they only occupied the top three floors. The building directory told me that an investment bank, an insurance company, a law firm, and a recruitment agency were among the companies leasing the other floors. A security guard checked us in, then sent us to the twentieth floor, along with several other guests. The ten-second elevator ride felt like two hours, because I was pressed close to Alec inside the small space, his front to my back, making me hyper-aware of his presence, his warmth, and his scent. By the time I heard the ding signaling our arrival, my brain had successfully memorized every ridge and contour of his body.
The elevator opened to reveal a floor filled with guests chatting and laughing, everyone holding either a champagne flute or a wine glass. Caterers weaved around the crowd, carrying trays of drinks and hors d’oeuvres. Some people were helping themselves to the food on the linen-covered table—there were trays of sandwiches and mini beef sliders, fruit platters, and gorgeous charcuterie boards. Floor-to-ceiling windows surrounded us, proudly displaying a spectacular, unobstructed view of the bright city lights.
Holy shit. This was her idea of an informal gathering?
“Alec! About time you got here.” Rob waved as he made his way toward us. He cocked his head at me, looking puzzled. “Everything okay, E? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Making sure you’re the same Rob I saw a few hours ago.” I was assessing him from head to toe. “Never seen you in anything but orange vests and work boots. You clean up pretty well.”
“I do, don’t I?” Rob proudly tugged on the lapels of his charcoal suit, a grin splitting his face. “I’m like an unpolished diamond, just waiting for my turn to shine.”
Alec sighed. “Can we not make his head bigger than it already is?”
“What’s wrong, Mackenzie? Jealous?”
“Of course not.” Alec avoided my eyes, and nodded toward the end of the room, where Jacqui stood chatting to a man with his back to us. “There she is. We should go say hi.”
Alec took my hand in his, smiling at people as the three of us made our way to Jacqui.
“She’s talking to Phil.” I tugged at his hand, motioning to where the pair was standing. “Don’t think they’re comparing notes about the weather.”
They were both raising their voices, although I couldn’t hear what they were arguing about. Phil shook his head in exasperation, before rolling his shoulder in a “whatever” shrug. He turned around to leave, giving us a curt nod as he passed, not bothering to stop and say hi.
Jacqui, on the other hand, looked positively unperturbed. Spotting us, she waved her hand, beckoning us to come over. “Glad you all could make it.” She shook Alec and Rob’s hands, then gave me a hug. “How’s the bakery going?”
The tiniest shred of remorse tore at me, because I was deceiving this kind, wonderful woman. It’s just a business transaction. I squashed my guilt into a pulp and offered Jacqui a smile. “We’re opening very soon. You should come by sometime.”
“Actually, I’m celebrating my fortieth next month. I’ll get my PA to place an order for the party. You’re all invited, of course.”
The guilt returned, larger and meaner than before, coupled with shame instilled from a lifetime of strict and manipulative parental upbringing, berating me for deceiving her: She’s helping you with your business, and you’re lying to her face in return?
I was so going to hell for this.
“Come with me,” Jacqui said. “I’ll introduce you to our board.”
For the next half hour, I smiled and shook hands with God knows how many suited men and women Jacqui had foisted on us. Everyone expressed their excitement to Alec and Rob, raving about how delighted they were that they’d be working together. Then Jacqui’s PA ushered us into a group picture, and I fixed a bright grin on my face, wishing that I was snug and comfortable under my blanket instead of being here.
Well, once Alec signed his agreement, I wouldn’t have to do this anymore, and we could start planning our fake breakup. Then I could stop lying and deceiving everyone, especially Jacqui, giving my overworked guilt a much-needed break.
It was an excellent plan, so why did it still feel like the world was about to be plunged into an eternity of gloom and despair?
Because once this is over, it’s time to say goodbye.
“By the way,” Jacqui said once the board members had dispersed and mingled with the other guests, “we’re having our annual company outing this weekend. You should all come along, celebrate our new partnership. Three days, two nights at one of our beautiful resorts. We leave Friday afternoon.”
“This Friday?” Alec asked. “As in, the day after tomorrow?”
“Yes. We’ll sign our agreement in the morning and celebrate on the weekend. It’ll be great!” She nodded at her PA. “Carmel will be in touch with the details.”
Three days, two nights?
With Alec? Faking being his girlfriend in view of everyone?
My brain went into panic overdrive, and I blurted out the first excuse I could think of. “I can’t. We’re opening soon, and I can’t leave, there’s still so many things to do…”
“We’re pretty much done,” Rob unhelpfully announced. The traitor. “We’re ahead of schedule, and everything’s under control. You don’t have to worry, E.”
“It’s only a few days.” Jacqui gave my arm a friendly pat. “You look pale. Maybe you’ve been working too hard. This is the perfect chance to take a break.” She directed her next sentence at Alec. “Oh, and I’ll have Carmel send a draft of the press release about the acquisition to you first thing tomorrow morning. Let me know if you want any changes with the wording.”
As soon as she was out of earshot and Rob went to look for food, I pulled Alec aside.
“ Company trip. ” I let out a growl. “Do you know what that means?”
He raised an eyebrow at me. “That we’re going for a short getaway?”
My eyes bulged at him. “She’ll be expecting us to sleep in the same room. We can’t—I can’t— no. No way in hell.”
I didn’t even need to do my usual pros and cons list to know that saying yes would be the worst idea of the decade. Of the freaking century. Sharing the same house with him was hard enough as it was, especially after that WhatsApp revelation. I wasn’t foolish enough to torture myself, but if I were, I’d rather have papercuts all over my fingers than spend two nights in the same room with him. There was no way I could survive without slowly descending into madness and hell.
“Madness and hell, huh?” He made a “pfft” sound, as I realized I’d voiced it out loud. “Come on, Ellie. I promise this is the very last thing you’ll have to do. I’m signing the agreement on Friday. Work at your shop is almost done. After next week, we can go our separate ways.”
Think of it as a goodbye trip , my heart gently coaxed me.
I silenced the small thud of gloom that went through me. This would probably be my last ever chance to spend some time with him. Because he was right. In less than two weeks, he wouldn’t be in my life anymore, and we’d be living completely separate lives.
Three days will be over before you know it.
And so, to the boisterous victory cheers from my heart, I said, “I’ll go, but you get the pull-out sofa, and if there’s even the tiniest hint of a snore coming out of you, I swear I’ll smother you with a pillow.”
“How come you’ve never told me about this spot?”
“My deepest apologies.” Alec placed a palm over his heart, his expression contrite. “Shall I make a list of all the places I frequent for your approval?”
Rolling my eyes, I took out my pump and bolused for the food. “Your mother ever told you that sarcasm is unbecoming?”
“Sarcasm? Who, me ? I’m offended.”
We were at a lookout area, on one of the highest points of Port Benedict. A few other cars were nearby, their passengers sitting on the hoods, chatting and enjoying the view. Glittering stars liberally dotted the night sky, and beneath us, Port Benedict and the bay lit up, showing off its beautiful, sparkly lights.
Alec opened the tailgate of his SUV, and we both sat there cross-legged, opening a brown paper bag filled with burgers and fries. He’d kept his promise—we left GPG after an hour, apologizing profusely to Jacqui. We only had finger food at the party, and we were both still hungry, so Alec had suggested grabbing some burgers and stopping here before going home.
“The view is gorgeous.” I tore open the packet of ketchup, squirting it into a puddle.
“It is, isn’t it? I come here when I need some peace and quiet.” He pulled his burger from the bag, unwrapped the greasy paper, then bit into it.
I unwrapped mine, while following and tracking his movements from the corners of my eyes. Never had I thought that the simple act of eating a burger could look so sexy, but I couldn’t stop watching him. A dash of sauce smeared his lips, and he used his thumb to wipe it, then sucked it clean, sending a jolt of lust reverberating throughout my body.
Taking a deep breath, I silently recited the Stay on Track Plan. For a few minutes, it worked, because I successfully convinced myself he was off-limits and this was not real and it was ending in a matter of weeks and I should just concentrate on my damn food.
But then he had to open his mouth.
“We need to talk. About my last message.”
I picked up some fries and dunked them into my puddle of ketchup, which had suddenly become very interesting. “Which one?”
A pause, then, “About how you were my childhood crush.”
Points to him for being upfront about it. My heart started to round up the brass band players. “What about it?”
Points to me for being so blasé about it.
“I feel like I should clarify. Clear the air.”
Nope, screw being blasé.
“Okay, then clarify.” I shifted to face him. “Was that a joke? Because if it was, then you have a seriously warped sense of humor.”
His gaze never left mine. “Not a joke. I really did.”
The brass band began pounding loudly. Did. That was the operative word. He had been interested once, but not anymore.
“You had a funny way of showing it. You were so unfriendly, I thought you hated me.”
Alec barked out a dry laugh. “I never hated you. It’s my method of self-preservation.”
Jenna Ng, you’re a fucking genius.
“But that night, when I told you how I felt…” I trailed off, a thick lump suddenly forming in my throat, as the humiliation came searing back. Pull yourself together, Ellie. “You said you’ll never feel the same way, because I was nothing to you but Eric’s younger sister.”
“I didn’t handle that very well, did I?” He grimaced.
“Oh, you think?”
“I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“I didn’t catch that.” Grinning, I placed a hand behind my ear. “Was that an apology?”
“It is.” He looked serious. “Eric knew I liked you. He knew that your mother never really warmed up to me, so he warned me that your parents would never approve of you being with someone like me. Someone whose family isn’t as affluent as yours, and because of my dad, too. So I promised him I’d stay away.”
“Eric said that?” I squished my eyebrows together. “And you believed him? That was enough to convince you?”
Alec tilted his head. “You remember that guy who used to follow you around in high school? Scott something or other?” When I nodded, he went on, “Do you remember that he suddenly left school? Have you ever wondered what happened to him?”
I could feel my eyebrows drawing together. “Did my family get rid of him?”
He gave a solemn nod. “Eric thinks your parents used their influence to bankrupt Scott’s family and sent them packing to another state.”
“I never knew that.” I groaned.
“So that night, when you said you liked me, I panicked. I didn’t want the same thing to happen to my family that happened to Scott’s. I figured if I said enough hurtful things, you’d be upset and stay away from me.”
Well, it worked, because I not only stayed away from him, but had also spent the past ten years hating him with every fiber of my being.
“But what did you mean, because of your dad? Because he left your family?”
“More than that.” He stared at his burger. “He left us for another woman. It had been going on for a while, and when my mom found out, she kicked him out of the house.”
My heart broke for his mother, for Alec, and his siblings. “That must have been horrible for you. I’m so sorry. But that shouldn’t make your family… unsuitable.”
“No, but it wasn’t good enough for the well-respected Pang family, right?” His laugh was bitter. “That’s not all. Dad even had another family with that other woman. While he was still married to my mother.”
I gaped at him. “What?”
“He had two sons, who’d probably be in their teens now.” Alec rubbed the back of his neck, not meeting my gaze. “Anyway, don’t know if you remember, but I used to date this girl, Anna, first year of college.”
Of course I remembered. I’d envied Anna with every fiber of my being.
“From the first minute of our first date, I knew it would never work out. Because I kept comparing her to you. And all the girls, too. I’d be thinking of what you’d say, or do, imagining you were with me instead of them.”
My breath left me in a whoosh, and that brass band had morphed into the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo.
“But a part of me kept thinking that your parents were right. I was convinced that I wasn’t good enough for you, that you deserve someone better than me.” He finally glanced at me. “Especially after I found out about my dad’s affair. His second family. What if one of these days, I turn out just like him? Someone who turned his back on his family, on the people that he was supposed to love and care for?”
“Don’t listen to them.” My heart broke for him, while raging at my family. “You’re not your dad. The fact that you put your family first and worked to help your mother raise your sisters, that’s enough proof that you’re nothing like him.”
“I know, but I’m still his son.” His laugh was dry. “And I’ve done it once, Ellie. That night when you had your extreme hypo. I could’ve stopped those douchebags from making you drink that much, but I didn’t. I turned my back on you, and I’ve always felt guilty about it. You could’ve died, and to think that I did nothing to protect you…”
I didn’t know what to say, knowing that he’d been living with his guilt all this time. Then another thought nagged at me. Was that why he’d been doing all those thoughtful things for me? Not because he was starting to care for me, but because he was trying to atone for his guilt?
“I did blame you,” I said. “For the longest time. But I knew that it wasn’t your fault. I was trying to impress you, so I was the one to blame.”
Alec shook his head. “But if I hadn’t said those hurtful words to you first, you wouldn’t have tried to impress me.”
“It was my decision to have those beers, so it was on me.”
“And I should’ve stopped you, but I didn’t.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Okay, let’s split the blame. What happened that night was half your fault, and half mine. Sounds good?”
“But what about those jerks that taunted you and Naomi? Are we letting them off scot-free?” He was shaking his head. “That doesn’t seem fair.”
“Oh, now you want to blame them?” I rolled my eyes with a laugh. “Fine, it’s entirely their fault. We are both free of any future guilt and responsibilities. Are we happy now? Can we move on?”
He returned my grin. “Yes. I can finally sleep well at night.”
Just then, his phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he smiled a little before excusing himself, and walked away while muttering a low “hey” into his phone.
A call this late at night, and him answering with a goofy smile on his face? It had to be the girl he was interested in. No, I most definitely was not jealous. Our fake relationship was ending, and no matter how I felt about him, we would be going our separate ways soon.
I crumpled my greasy burger wrapping paper and threw it back into the bag.
So why did I have this sinking feeling that I had missed out on the very best thing that could’ve happened in my life?