Chapter Two
He was hurt.
Fuck. Nate held a T-shirt he’d pulled from his duffel bag tighter onto his bleeding stomach. That asshole Decker had nearly gutted him.
“Do you mind if we pull over for a minute?” he murmured.
Delta hadn’t spoken to him since they’d left. Instead, she’d stared out the window and filled the cab with heavy silence.
When she turned to him, her cheeks were streaked with tears, and he yanked his gaze away from her fast. Not fast enough. A hollowness snaked through his gut. He hadn’t realized she was sitting over there silently crying.
“I just…” He cleared his throat. He didn’t want to let her know how badly he was hurt. “I need to take care of something.”
“Is that who you have been talking to all week?” she asked softly.
The heartache in her voice did something awful to him. What was this feeling? Guilt?
Whatever it was, he’d never felt it before, and he wanted to stop feeling it now. “You’re acting like I did this to hurt you.”
“Didn’t you?”
He didn’t understand, but he couldn’t force himself to see her tear-filled eyes.
She was different tonight. The Delta he’d known over the past couple of months was steady, quiet, and for the most part, emotionless.
She liked alone-time and didn’t get worked up like regular females. He didn’t like this.
“Fuck, what do you want from me, Delta?”
“Nothing anymore,” she murmured, and turned her face to the window once again.
A growl rattled up his throat. He couldn’t think straight through the pain, and he had a couple of hours yet before all of these wounds sealed up.
“You fucked that guy,” he uttered. He felt sick just thinking about it. Had he fucked other females before he’d been paired? Yes, but it was different. He couldn’t get it out of his head. He should’ve killed Decker.
She didn’t respond to him.
Nate parked to the side of a gas station, in the shadows so he could pull some clothes on. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he demanded.
“Because you never asked,” she said softly. Fuck, he couldn’t look in her eyes. There was so much hurt there. “You never asked me anything. You threw me away before you gave a shit.”
Nate shook his head. “That’s not…” He gripped the shirt to his middle tighter. It was soaked through. “You have a good Pack—”
“I chose you—”
“But then the Elders came after us! I can’t give you anything, Delta.”
She was staring at him. He could see it in his peripheral, but all he could do was stare at a blue dumpster in front of the truck and grip the wheel in a stranglehold with his free hand, like that would make the pain ease up.
“What is it that you think I need?” she asked.
“A Pack,” he gritted out. “A house, a kitchen, a garden. A car.”
She huffed a sound, but he couldn’t tell what it meant. “Wrong.”
“Well, what is it? We both came into this Arrangement with a clean slate. Tell me what you need. We’re going back to Coeur d’Alene.
You get what you want. You can have the life you want.
I’m making the sacrifice. No harm, no foul.
You didn’t go back to Decker. You’re here, with me, and I’m still responsible for you. So, tell me. What is it you need?”
“Remember that day we met Nory, and she was teaching me how to cook?”
“Yeah. You needed a friend. I said yes.”
“No, Nate. You came into the kitchen after weeks of confusion on my part, and you put your fingertips on my waist, and you kissed my cheek.”
Nate didn’t understand. He didn’t know why she was bringing that up. Yeah, he’d been filled with a feeling and acted on it. He’d kissed her on the cheek. So? That didn’t answer his question. What did she need from him?
Delta dashed her knuckles across her cheeks and then pushed open her door. “I need a break. I’ll be back soon.”
Before she shut her door, he asked, “Just tell me what you want from me?”
Delta straightened her spine and lifted her chin higher into the air.
Her brown curls had fallen limply over the day, and her green eyes had lost their glow.
Her make-up was smeared under her eyes, and it was the first time he’d ever witnessed her gaze completely empty.
“I’ll never want anything from you ever again. ”
Truth.
She shut the door gently, and that was the worst part.
Maybe he’d done her wrong by not giving her a heads up that he was taking her back to her Pack.
He’d had his reasons though. She would’ve talked him out of it, and he’d had a plan.
The quiet closing of the door seemed so symbolic though.
She was closing her heart off without the theatrics.
No drama like with his exes. No screaming and throwing shit on the way out.
No hurting him with words and name-calling, so he could feel better about their split.
The quiet shut-down hurt worse than anything he’d ever felt.
She wasn’t like the others. Maybe it was because she was submissive and couldn’t hang with a volatile argument, or maybe she was uncomfortable under the weight of his dominance right now.
Perhaps she was bad at conflict. Or maybe it was just Delta being Delta.
He didn’t know. He didn’t know her very well.
He blew out a long breath as he watched her hug her arms around her middle and hunch into the wind as she made her way into the gas station. He watched her until the door swung closed behind her.
Nate closed his eyes and wished for the same thing he’d been wishing since the Elders had dissolved the Pack—he wished he had never dragged Delta into this mess.
Decker.
He’d approached Delta aggressively, like he would yell in her face, and Nate could tell by Delta’s reaction it had happened before. She froze and closed her eyes, and waited, but Nate had already been in motion.
She might not have been the mate of his heart, but she did deserve protection.
Fuck, what was wrong with him? He felt so sick inside right now.
She was stuck with him now. She’d said no to Decker twice now. She was choosing to be a Rogue in a Rogue Pack, and it would never make sense to Nate. Not ever. Being a Rogue was shameful.
He’d visited her old Pack. It had been a huge compound. His childhood friend was in the Pack, and he’d been visiting him when he’d seen Delta for the first time.
She was one of those quiet women. Pretty, but she wouldn’t command a room.
Pliable. Easy. That’s what he’d needed after his last break-up.
He didn’t want to date anymore, or allow a woman to have power over him, and the way to do that was with a quiet submissive she-wolf in an Arrangement situation.
He didn’t want to fall for anyone. He wanted easy.
He wanted pliable. He wanted companionship without going too deep or getting too vulnerable.
He’d wanted a friend who was in it with him, but as the Pack had fallen apart, he’d realized he and Delta didn’t have enough glue to keep them together. Not really.
He hadn’t asked her questions. That was fair. But you know? She hadn’t asked him questions either. Not really. Mostly she asked him, “Are you okay?” “What’s wrong?” “Did I do something to make you angry?” even when he was in a good mood.
He’d asked her to stop, but it seemed to be the only conversation she knew how to have.
Even with Decker, he’d seen a fire in her eyes that had never existed with him. This wasn’t it. He knew it, and now Delta could admit it too. They weren’t a match. So why the hell did her hurt cause him to hurt?
Nate winced. This was just a bad night after a big fight. He would be right as rain tomorrow. He always was.
Delta was having an overreaction, but he’d meant it when he’d pointed out she got exactly what she wanted.
He was taking her back to Coeur d’Alene, and she could spend time with Nory, and all the wolves she seemed to be quietly amused by.
He would figure out a house for her, and build her a garden, and unpack all the furniture he’d packed away in storage for her, and make a safe den again, and she could live her life, and he could live his.
He would get her the car he’d been shopping for before everything had fallen apart.
She had no right to complain about anything.
She would have everything she needed, and eventually, she would banish the sadness from her eyes and toughen up.
It was a bad day, but they would be fine.
They could go back to being friends tomorrow.
Nate shoved the door open and grabbed the overstocked first aid kit from the bed of his truck, and pulled on a pair of jeans, and a dark shirt to cover the bulk of his injuries.
He needed twenty minutes in the bathroom to clean up, and then he could take her where she wanted to go, and he could be the pretend Second of a Pack that didn’t exist.
Friends or an Arranged pair. Either way, it was the same difference to him.
She’d slept with Decker. Fuck. A snarl clawed its way up the back of his throat. He didn’t like it. He didn’t like that someone else had known her like that, and talked about it so easily, throwing it in his face.
She’d slept with that asshole. A sick feeling filled his gut and he spat.
Maybe he had no right to be possessive, but he hated that he’d been negotiating her return with someone who had known her like that.
Decker had touched her body. He’d done more than kiss her cheek.
He’d consummated whatever they had been, and Nate hated it.
And yeah, he knew all of these thoughts were fucked up. He was self-aware enough. He wasn’t a good man. He was a Donn, and all Donn wolves were the same. It was both learned and genetic to stay detached. This guilty feeling in his chest pissed him off.
He was going to lose it, so he swerved off his path toward the gas station and walked straight to the woods beyond. If he Changed again, he didn’t want to be in that small space with the three to four humans he could see through the windows.
Why had she mentioned that damn kiss in the kitchen?
Why? Now he was remembering the way she’d leaned into his touch.
It played over and over on a loop. The way her eyes had been all full, and soft when she’d smiled at him.
The way his lips had pressed harder to her cheek when she’d leaned into him.
The way the curve of her waist had felt against his fingertips.
He hadn’t given a single thought about that moment until now, and suddenly everything felt like too much.
It was because he was hurt, and his wolf was right at the surface, making everything seem and feel bigger. That was all. The pain in his body was doing this to his head. He was fine. He was fine!
Nate kicked up to a jog, dodging pine trees as he made his way deeper into the woods until he came to a clearing.
She hadn’t asked if he was okay.
Nate skidded to a stop.
It was the first time he’d felt off, and she hadn’t asked if he was okay. She hadn’t cared.
An hour ago, he thought it was so fucking annoying that she kept asking him that, but now?
Now he felt the absence of that care. That’s what it was, right?
Maybe she had wanted to know if he was going through something.
Maybe he should’ve told her it was a pet peeve of his when people asked him that.
He was always okay.
Just like now.
He frowned down at his stomach, freely bleeding.
This was what he did. He was tough. Built tough. Shamed into toughness just like every one of his brothers. Like his father and uncles, grandfathers and great grandfathers.
He didn’t need someone asking to know every thought he had in his head.
He didn’t need it.
Fuck, he wished she would’ve just been happy to go back to her old Pack. She could’ve been happy.
He released the handle of the oversized first aid kit and slid to his knees.
He’d thought he was ready for an Arrangement, but he’d been so wrong. It wasn’t like other werewolves said. It wasn’t fireworks and teamwork or instant connection. It wasn’t instant best friends.
Pairing meant someone would see him. Really see him. He had to be vigilant and he kept everything perfectly in control, and sometimes he wanted time off from it. Since having to leave Coeur d’Alene and quitting his job, and traveling with Delta, he hadn’t had enough time to himself to be himself.
She could’ve just gone with her old Pack and been better off, but she’d made him feel…feel…well, she made him feel instead.
He’d asked her what she wanted, and Delta had described a kiss on the cheek, and now he was replaying that moment on a loop, over and over again. Why had she done this to him?
That wasn’t him.
Never had been and never would be.