Chapter Fifteen
Sammy
My daddy was out of town for a convention, and I was missing him terribly. We’d been together for a few months now. What had started as seeing each other once a week had quickly turned into multiple times to nearly daily. Having him gone hit harder than I thought it would.
We were only on day three, and I was ready to drop everything and go to Vegas to find him. Not really, but I’d thought about it.
I called up Brock to see if he wanted to go bowling or the arcade or something fun, but he already had plans. He offered to cancel, but I told him I was good. I lied. I wasn’t good. I was having a big old pity party for one.
Next, I did something I tried not to do, and that was call Rowan with an SOS. We made plans, and that was great, but calling him last minute and asking for his help always felt like I was invading his relationship, and I didn’t want that.
“Hey, what’s up? You called instead of texting.”
“Because I have a lot to say.” I wasn’t an anti-texter, but I suspected this conversation could be done more quickly with words.
“Good thing Daddy is out with his buddy tonight, because I have all the time in the world to listen.” That had me feeling better about bugging him on short notice.
“You’ll be shocked by this, but I’m going to whine about missing Will.” For most things, I could look at them factually and deal with it. With Daddy gone, I was too up in my feelings to do that.
“Not shocked at all.” Rowan chuckled. “Hey, how about this? Why don’t I pack a little bag and come on over? We could have a sleepover like we used to.”
It had been a long while, but once upon a time, we’d done it quite often.
“Yes, please. I’ll run to the grocery store real quick while you do. Make sure we have snacks and good food?”
“Don’t forget the nuggies.”
I picked up all the necessities, including the nuggies and fries, the mac and cheese, and a few cool bottles of juice that had little faces on them. Anything and everything little and for us to enjoy. I got back just as he was arriving.
“Perfect timing.” He grabbed one of my grocery bags. “Looks like we won’t be going hungry anytime soon.”
We went inside, and I unpacked the groceries, showing him the haul as I put the items away.
“Best food night ever.” Rowan grabbed the Pez I’d picked out just for him. It was a robot from a movie his daddy had just taken him to, and I had to get it.
I threw the nuggets and fries in the pan, and the two of us changed into our pajamas.
“When did CB get their own pajamas? Who got them for them? They look sort of like one of your pairs.” He ran to the bed and grabbed CB.
“He got them last month from Daddy. And they really do look like mine.”
“It must be the cutest thing ever when you both wear them.”
“Let’s find out.” I swapped out my pajamas for the ones that matched him.
“Yep, like I said, cutest thing ever.”
We colored while we were waiting for the food to cook.
They were old coloring books I picked up at the dollar store.
Nothing special, and no characters either of us recognized.
I wouldn’t say that I thought a lot when I drew my sketches.
But I thought a whole lot less when I colored like this, and it was nice letting go of as many big thoughts as possible, knowing I could, because even though Daddy was gone, Rowan was here. He’d take care of me.
We had a spoken rule that whoever called to set playdates up was the one who could kind of fall back and let the other take the lead, and tonight that was me.
The timer went off, and Rowan got up and grabbed our food, putting it on divided dishes and bringing out the juices I’d bought with it. We sat at the coffee table eating them with a cartoon playing in the background.
“These nuggets are weird,” I said, knowing full well I was the one who picked them out. “They were out of the Dino Nuggie dinosaur nuggies. They shouldn’t let that happen.”
“No, they really shouldn’t.” Rowan picked his last nuggie up. “We should make it a law.”
He squeezed out an extra glob of ketchup for me. “Maybe that’ll help.”
It didn’t, but it made the fries yummier, so close enough. We ate and ate, half paying attention to the show.
“What do you want to do next?” he asked.
“Honestly, I’m tired. I haven’t been sleeping well with Daddy gone.”
“Do you want to sleep in the bed, or should we make a sleepover here?”
We opted for that, grabbing blankets and pillows, so many pillows, and just like I’d done with Brock the last time he stayed over, put on a movie and planned to fall asleep to it. Only, this time, I didn’t fall sound asleep.
I watched my friend sleeping. We’d had fun, and he did a good job giving me the space to fall away.
Looking back to when this was all we had, I realized how much I’d been missing by not having a daddy.
Rowan was great, and I hoped I was great back, but it wasn’t the same, and I always knew that.
But I didn’t fully understand how different it was until I watched my friend sleep after our night in.
I was missing my daddy, and wishing I could be little.
Not sort of little. Fully in-headspace little.
I snuck out of our homemade bed, trying not to wake him, and grabbed my phone from the charger.
Daddy, I was about to go to bed. I wanted to say good night.
Less than a minute later, I got a response. It was a picture of a store filled with candy. So, so much candy.
I was here today during lunch, and I picked up a little present for you.
I sent an emoji of grabby hands.
You’ll see it when I get home. That way, you’ll be happy to see me.
Trust me, I’ll be happy to see you, even without a present.
So very, very happy.