Chapter 13 Khur
Khur
The elevator is filled with electric energy as it rises, entirely too slowly, from the fifth division to the twelfth.
Next to me, Destiny is bouncing on her pink shoes with excitement.
It’s infectious—I can feel it in my own feet, softening my usually stoic stance and making me tap my toe in impatience.
“What about a hint? Can I get a hint?” Destiny’s brown eyes are warm and pleading.
It’s honestly an exercise in willpower to stand my ground and say, “I told you it’s flowers. The rest is a surprise.”
Furga told me she loves surprises.
I am rewarded with a squeal and a grip on my forearm as she steps closer.
“Ok, so it’s something that has to do with flowers. Something I’ve never seen before. And I don’t need any special attire to visit this place.”
She places a finger to her chin, twisting her lips and releasing a contemplative hum.
“My mind is full of possibilities. I couldn’t begin to guess without more information.”
“Good. I don’t want you to guess. I want you to be surprised.” I say, a bit exasperated. She loves surprises, but she wants to know them beforehand? That’s not the Dhugaren definition of a surprise.
Finally the elevator dings our arrival and the doors slide open in front of us.
The twelfth division is set up similarly to the fifth. Like most of the divisions, the elevator comes out in the middle of the level, into a small corridor. Doors to our left and right and a sign in front indicate which subdivisions are on which side.
As we step into the corridor, Destiny slips her hand in the crook of my elbow, where it seems to fit so perfectly, and looks up at me with shining, excited eyes.
“Lead the way, oh captain.”
My legs lock up, feet feeling like iron blocks. All of a sudden it feels like I can’t get enough air in each breath and my lungs refuse to expand further. I put my hands on my knees and brace myself against the panic leaking into my veins.
“I am no leader,” I choke out between gasps. What am I thinking, bring Destiny here? Anything could happen! Will I be able to protect her? She’s so small and delicate. What if one of the flyers goes off course and veers into the crowd?
My vision is tunneling a bit, so I don’t notice Destiny reaching for me until I feel her cool palm brush my brow. She gently brushes the fur from my forehead and runs her hand across my scalp, between my horns, brushing my hair with her fingers.
I feel vaguely embarrassed by my breakdown but that's brushed away by Destiny’s cool touch.
I haven't had a breakdown in years but all it took was a few words and I'm back to the panicked fool I was when I first arrived here.
Afraid to step in any direction, make any decision that might affect others.
“Hey big guy, you back with me?” she asks softly once my breath has evened out a bit.
She doesn't sound ashamed or even humorous. She just sounds concerned. I remind myself I am safe and I am not leading her anywhere. We're going to the meadows together. That's all. This is Sanctuary Station, the safest place in the galaxy. No one is at war here.
“Yes,” I gasp harshly, then try again, “Yes. I am sorry. If I could blush, I would be doing so right now.”
Her laugh tinkles like the wind ornaments we used to string from the eaves of our homes on Dhugar. It wraps around me like a warm breeze. This female is so vibrant, so full of joy and love. I don’t deserve her.
“I am no leader, Destiny. Following me will only get you hurt.”
“Oh Khur. What I said? It’s just a human phrase. Meant to be light and silly. I didn’t mean to upset you.” She puts a palm to my cheek as I push off my knees and stand to my full height.
Her head barely comes up to my chest. Her arm is reaching above her head to cup my cheek.
I will never get over how vulnerable, how small and soft and delicate she is.
It almost makes me want to start hyperventilating again, because how can I ever keep her safe?
How can I ever protect her if I do make her mine?
“It’s okay Khur. Get out of your head and get back here with me.
” She pokes my nose with a finger, “You don’t have to take care of me.
I survived the end of the world. I’m tougher than I look.
And as far as leading? I can be bossy enough for the both of us.
Just point the way and I’m happy to take charge! ”
I chuckle and grab her hand waving in front of my face, daring to poke my nose again.
I still have the strong urge to tuck her under my arm and shield her from the world, but she’s right.
We’ve all survived the end of the world.
She can protect herself. I’ll keep an eye on her back, anyways, of course.
Just in case. That decided, I tuck her hand back into my elbow, right where it belongs.
I turn towards the doors on our right and we walk together, side by side.
The main halls of the twelfth division are not as crowded as ours.
They have a few small vendors selling Silfan wares, but our division has the best market, and I don’t see anything especially unique or interesting.
So we make our way through relatively quickly.
I try to pace my gait to match Destiny’s much shorter one.
Destiny stays tucked into my side, matching me two quick steps for each one of mine, so even though I am the one with the directions, I don’t feel like I am leading her anywhere.
It’s so stupid, how my brain is equating a walk through the space station with walking into battle, but I can’t stop it, so I am grateful for Destiny’s attentiveness.
Even if it does make me feel guilty because I should be attentive to her needs, taking care of her every whim, and all I can manage is putting one foot in front of the other.
“Holy shit, Khur. What is that? Something smells sooo delicious,” she asks when we have passed the market and getting close to the meadows.
Just next to the double doors that will lead us into the Silfan biome a food vendor is pulling fried dersials from a great boiler that could have also served as their bathtub.
“Have you had Silfan food yet? You should try some dersials.” I pull her excitedly towards the cart.
I remember my first time trying dersials.
I hadn’t known what they were and I had demolished half a basket before Gunnvall saw fit to tell me.
I was already too enamored with the salty, crunchy snack to be disgusted.
Destiny said she loved surprises, though.
I wonder if this would count as a good one?
“I haven’t tried anything but Dhugaren food yet. Though I’m not sure anything will be as good as Urzu’s furkurra.”
She is smiling so big the tops of her cheeks are rounded and rosy. I brush one with the pad of my thumb and she shivers beneath my touch. I am no expert on humans, but I think that is probably a very good sign.
“My treat then,” I say before turning to the Silfan in front of us. “Two baskets please. One spicy, one salty. And some of that dip if you don’t mind.”
The Silfan gets to work preparing our baskets.
They have set up an ingenious method of hopping between tall barstools from the front counter to the huge back boiler, to the side counter where he quickly assembles our baskets.
The dersials are coated in batter before they are fried, so one can’t really tell what they are.
He drizzles pink sauce across each basket and leaps gracefully back to his barstool at the front counter.
I wave my wrist over his datapad to pay and we both thank him before walking over to a bench to eat our snacks.
The fried dersials are, as always, perfection. Just the right amount of greasy, salty and crunchy, with a slightly sweet, meaty center. The sauce is a specialty of this particular vendor, and its bright tanginess pairs excellently with the spicy ones.
The best part, though, is watching Destiny eat them.
She enjoys them as much as I did my first time.
She pops one in her mouth, then closes her eyes and moans suggestively, chewing slowly to savor it.
The sounds she makes have me thankful for baggy jumpsuits once more.
She eats each one like it is her first and last meal, just like she lives.
Unafraid and unapologetic. After half of each basket is gone—we share them both—Destiny sets her basket on the bench between us and sighs contentedly.
“These are so good, but isn’t this station meat-free? There’s no way this isn’t meat.”
“We are livestock-free, yes, but the Silfans are obligate carnivores. They and the Originem have found interesting ways to fulfill their dietary needs.”
“Oh hell, Khur, do I even want to know?” she asks, but her mouth is smiling, her eyes shining, and I know she’ll think this is a funny surprise.
“Would you like me to tell you?” I ask, holding in my laughter as much as possible.
“Part of me says no, but I can’t stand the suspense. The curiosity will kill me!”
“Humans must be very fragile creatures if they can be killed by their own curiosity.”
“You have no idea, big guy. Now tell me. What did I just eat?”
“They are called dersials. We actually don’t have an equivalent on Dhugar, because the climate is too cold, but I have been told they belong to the insect family.”
Destiny screeches before looking over at the vendor and stifling herself.
“There is so much to unpack here, but first of all, Dhugar didn’t have bugs? Like no insects at all?”
“None. Imagine my surprise when I first saw the live ones. I thought they were some type of smart missiles, so I ran like a child. Gunnvall thought it was hilarious.”
I chuckle just thinking about the memory. He’d brought us all here, a few years ago. It was the first and last time I visited the meadows. I’d forgotten how lovely it was and all the sudden I am buzzing with excitement to show her.
“Come on, I want to show you the surprise now.”
“This wasn’t the surprise? There’s more?” She sounds shocked.
“No, this wasn’t the surprise. I told you there would be flowers. I actually forgot about the dersials until we got here, but I’m glad the same vendor is still here. I thought you would be more freaked out about eating bugs,” I admit.
“Nah. I mean, at first, it was a shock. They were really good, though, and I figure when in Silfan territory, do as the Silfans do!” She grins up at me cheekily.
Her openness, her light-heartedness, never ceases to amaze me. I pull her up from the bench and nuzzle the top of her head, tucking her hand back in its rightful place, and together we walk into the meadows.