10
10
Present
“I knew it was a bad idea.” Maya sighs, taking a sip of her espresso and giving me an I told you so look. “Don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”
“Maya, I know,” I groan, stabbing an avocado slice with my fork a little too hard. “I believe in what we can create together, and I really need this to work out. Kimi is on me asking for my next single, then an album. She’s being nice about it, but I can sense the tone and I know the game. They want more. The success has been good but it’s still not great. The infamous industry line I cannot bear to hear again: You’re still not there yet. It’s constant anxiety chasing the next thing, even in the middle of a huge moment of success like this. Even at the top it feels like I still have to climb the mountain, then another, then another.”
“You still might.” Maya’s tone has softened after my vulnerable admission. “Just stay focused, don’t let emotions get in the way.”
“Easier said than done.”
Maya shrugs. “I highly recommend the no-strings-attached lifestyle, especially with him.” She leans forward and speaks deliberately slowly, as if trying to get through to me. “No heartache and a fuck ton of orgasms.” I know she’s trying to help, but she and I are very different people with opposite approaches on life.
I press my lips into a thin smile and take another bite.
We’re out for brunch at a quiet little café Val discovered a few weeks ago. It’s only a few blocks away from my apartment, and even if the other patrons recognize us, they don’t come up asking for photos. It’s nice. I feel normal here, relaxed, and the food’s really good.
“Oh, here’s Val,” Maya says, glancing over my shoulder as a little bell chimes above the entrance door. “Finally,” she says louder, and Val slides into the seat next to me.
“Hey, Princess,” she says, pulling her shades off. She glares at Maya. “Hey, early bird. Who the hell wants to have brunch the morning after a party? My head’s still pounding, I literally almost pulled over to throw up on the way here.” She groans.
“Coffee, Val?” I offer, smirking at Maya as I push the steaming mug toward Val. “We ordered you avocado toast.”
“You’re an angel.” Val grabs the mug and blows on the coffee to cool it, still shooting daggers at Maya as she talks. “Carbs will help.”
“You have a lot to catch up on. There’s more John drama—”
“Oh god, what did he do now?” Val groans. “I’m so over his shit.”
I shake my head. “Same as usual.”
“Riley again?” Val asks.
“You got it.”
Maya catches her up on the situation while we eat. It’s only after she’s finished talking that I realize the time: 11:32 a.m. The last few days, John’s been sending 11:11 texts—words to brighten up my day, promises about how great the song’s going to be, regret at how we ended. But actions speak louder than words, and I’m tired of fighting about Riley fucking Vega.
“Weird,” I mutter under my breath, picking up my phone to scroll Instagram and see what he’s up to.
“What’s weird?” Maya asks, leaning forward to see my screen.
“Nothing, just—” I hesitate to explain it. Admitting John sends me 11:11 texts feels like something I should be ashamed of. It’s the sort of cute little detail that could be considered cringeworthy from the outside, but it makes me feel some type of way I can’t even explain. Like a comfort. “I was just expecting a message from John, I guess.”
“He texts you still?” Maya asks.
“Yeah, pretty much every day,” I say casually.
“That’s either incredibly cute or incredibly fake,” Val says.
“Fake how?” I ask.
Maya raises an eyebrow. “I guess the real question here is, is he texting or just responding?”
I don’t feel like explaining the whole 11:11 thing to the girls so I let it go. But the question makes me feel queasy. I’m so tired of having to analyze every little thing. Like damn, if we’re cool, just be cool; if we’re not, leave me the hell alone. I hate the games in this town; they make me feel insane. If John didn’t want to write me, he wouldn’t. So that’s what I’m leaving it at. He wants to talk, that’s why he writes.
Except for today, obviously. He’s gone radio silent.
“Check his profile, Val,” Maya directs, trying to jog Val to join our conversation again since she’s distracted by something on her phone. Frown lines crease her forehead.
“What for?” I ask, but actually, I’m pretty curious too. He hasn’t failed to send an 11:11 text since that day on the beach, so whatever made his mood shift so fast yesterday really fucked with him. Or worse, he’s with someone else.
My pulse kicks faster at the thought.
Suddenly, it’s a mission to act the fastest. Maya grabs her phone and scrolls rapidly through Instagram stories, trying to find some clue as to where he might be—a party or a road trip or a vacation or spending time with family. Val searches through all the likes on his recent posts, noting Riley hearted most of the last few. Maya stalks his X account, and I bite the bullet and search Riley’s profile.
I find my answer right away.
“She posted a BTS of last night,” I half gasp, spinning my phone around to show the others. “Look! Do you think this was yesterday morning, or did she go back into the studio after I left?”
“What time did she post it?” Maya snatches the phone to get a closer look. “Five hours ago. Damn. They pulled a late one.”
Heat rushes to my cheeks. “Okay, so he’s probably catching up on sleep,” I suggest slowly, because the more obvious answer feels way too much like betrayal.
Clearly not reading the room, Maya voices it anyway. “He better not be in bed with Riley.” She scoffs and passes my phone back.
“A bit harsh, Maya.” Val checks Maya. “If you were in the studio until the crack of dawn you’d still be out cold too. Don’t assume the worst.”
Don’t assume the worst. I repeat it like a mantra in my head, willing it to sink in.
“When it comes to John,” Maya corrects, “I’ll always assume the worst, but of course at the end of the day, it’s your choice what you do with him. I just want you to be happy.”
“Thanks, Maya.” I smile pointedly at her.
“It’s good life advice, babe,” she says with a shrug. “Anyway, I’m sorry to change the subject, but I’ve got some big news, the reason I gathered you all here today.” She sits tall in her seat, stretching her chest out and drumming her fingers on the tabletop. “Are you ready to hear it?”
“Spill it, Maya,” I prompt, placing my phone face down to avoid thinking about John. I need this distraction like I need air to breathe. “Come on, what is it?”
“Well,” she says with excitement, nudging Val to get her full attention too. “Last night I got a very exciting call: I’m modeling in Miami in one of those immersive experiences for a very prestigious brand next month. One of the biggest gigs of my career so far. The shitty thing about it is it’s all part of this big circus-themed event thing Riley Vega’s hosting, but still, do you guys know how many millionaires—no, billionaires—and industry people will be in town for this? I decided to not give a damn if she’s hosting.” She flicks her hair and strikes a pose just for us. “But—” She looks at me. “I want to make sure you’re okay with it, obviously.”
I jump up in my seat. “Of course! Maya, oh my god! This is amazing!” I’m so happy for her and know what this could mean for her. I still hate that Riley’s involved but I would never stand in the way of my friend’s success. My only worry is the chance that Riley could take her anger toward me, or whatever her issue with me is, out on Maya. I shudder at the thought but remind myself that Maya’s talent speaks for itself, and there shouldn’t be any reason for Riley to feel the need to control Maya’s career the way she obsessively does mine.
“Congratulations, babe,” Val says with a genuine smile. “My mom and dad go every year, and yeah, the people there are very high quality and have deep pockets. Yeah, it sucks about Riley being involved, but that’s whatever. She’s just hosting—there’s going to be so much going on you won’t have time to waste on drama.”
“You said it,” I agree. “You probably won’t even know she’s there.”
“I fucking hope so.” Maya shudders. “Oh, but that’s not the end of it.” She beams at us again, glancing around to check no one’s listening and then leaning in close and making us huddle around her to hear. “This is top secret at the moment, so don’t breathe a word to anyone, but my manager was saying they’re still looking for someone to perform the second set during the show. I’m gonna be out there doing my thing while the performer’s floating through the sky on a trapeze or some shit. It’s like one huge PR event-slash-concert. As of now the spot is still free. Princess, you should jump on that. It’d be perfect for you.”
Excitement bursts through me, but so does anxiety. I try to tamp my voice down so I won’t seem overly excited or overly nervous. “Who would we need to call?” Then I cringe. “No way, it’s Riley’s team.”
“No, I don’t think so.” Maya gives me a look. “She is a big part of the event hosting and maybe performing a short set, but it’s a separate company booking everyone and running it. The people who booked me are actually pretty nice, though. Riley may be the host but the event is so, so much bigger than her.”
I hesitate for a moment, weighing the options. If people in this town only worked with their friends and people they respected, there wouldn’t be an industry, and Maya’s right, this event is much bigger than Riley. My sister’s face as she tried on sunglasses at Dior pops into my mind. Should I allow my pride to get in the way of making my family proud? Of stifling my growth? And if I did, wouldn’t that just be allowing Riley to have even more power over me?
I make a choice. “I’ll ask Kimi or Wayne to call them, but I’m not totally convinced that this will go well.”
“Think about it and have your team reach out. It could be great, Princess. Don’t let Riley’s involvement stand in the way of good promo for you.” Maya beams, clutching my arm across the table.
I turn to Val to gauge her opinion on all this, but when I see the look on her face my excitement pauses. “My fucking family—” she huffs, putting her phone face down on the table and staring blankly out the window beside us, no excitement or reaction visible because she’s in her own little world. For the first time since she walked in, I notice the dark circles under her eyes. She looks rough.
“Val, are you okay?” I touch her arm, which makes her jump. She tunes back into our conversation and nods quickly.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Just thinking.”
“Thinking?” Maya asks. “What about?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Val perks up at the interest, trying to move the topic on. “Family stuff. I won’t bore you with the details.”
“Well, I’m interested to hear it,” I say.
Maya nods. “Me too.”
Val sits up. “No, it’s nothing, guys, really. It’s the same old family stresses and I just didn’t sleep well.”
Maya delivers me a look across the table. It says she doesn’t believe her one bit, and honestly, I have to agree. Val’s way too quiet and spaced-out this morning. We’re all tired, but this is beyond that. As I take a sip of my smoothie and watch her eat, her eyes vacant and cheeks pale, I can practically see the weight on her shoulders.
“You know I’m here for whatever you need, right, Val?” I say quietly.
“I know,” Val says, her bright tone not matching her dull eyes and exhausted features.