16
16
“‘You guys are so cute. Save a glass for me!’” Riley’s sugar-sweet tone comes across as fake as her tan.
I tilt my phone to look at the girls in amazement. “What the hell is happening right now?”
“She’s trying to make it sound like you guys hang out all the time,” Jessie says, equally confused.
“Yeah, but why?”
“Maybe she didn’t write it,” Jessie suggests.
Maya nods. “Maybe she hired a clueless social media manager or something. That’s my only explanation. She wouldn’t have typed that herself.”
We’re racking up tens of thousands of views already, and the likes and comments are popping up every minute. But the one that sticks out the most sits right there at the top of the comments section with over a thousand likes on it already. Riley Vega’s.
“No, she’s definitely running her own TikTok,” Val says.
I look at her sitting on the other side of the pool, legs crossed beneath her and wisps of caramel brown hair dancing around her shoulders in the soft breeze. “How do you know?” I ask.
“You can just tell.” Val shrugs. “She posts video responses to questions on there all the time. Same on Instagram—she’s always posting on her story just doing normal shit.”
“Hold up,” Maya butts in, leaning forward in disbelief. “You’re telling me you still watch Riley Vega’s Insta stories?”
“Val, why?” I cringe.
Val laughs. “It’s just a story. It’s not that deep. Plus, I don’t follow that many people anyway, so her shit always pops up on my feed. My life is fucking stressful right now, it’s simply a distraction.”
Maya’s eyes widen.
“Listen, if someone repeatedly disrespects me like she does to us all the time, that’s it, I cut them off. I don’t spend any time watching their stories or keeping up with them no matter what they’re doing. They don’t care about me, I don’t care about them. It’s that simple,” I say decisively.
“Too true.” Maya nods, staring pointedly at Val. “You should take a note out of Princess’s book.”
“No, I agree,” Val says, nodding too. “I just, I don’t know, I get bored and go through everyone’s stories sometimes. It’s not like I sit around waiting for her to post. Plus, what’s that saying? Who makes a better friend than your enemy? Or your friend’s enemy . . .”
It makes me happy to see Val’s silly, joking side come out, even for a moment.
“I do the same, Val,” Jessie agrees, holding a guilty hand up and looking sheepish as she locks eyes with me. “What?” She laughs when my jaw drops in disbelief. “I just watch whatever’s on my screen when I open the app. I don’t think it’s a big deal.”
“And it’s not like we can unfollow her, is it?” Val points out. “It would cause even more drama.”
“I don’t know.” I hold up my hands. “But I don’t want to talk about Riley anymore, guys. Let’s enjoy our time and keep a clear boundary when it comes to her.”
Val chuckles and stands up, walking around to sit next to me. “Princess, you’re literally more levelheaded than my therapist. You should write a book.” She drapes her arms around my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug.
Even though the conversation was about Riley, my thoughts keep going to John. He’s consuming me again and I know that, but can’t stop it.
“Oh please.” I laugh, catching her in a hug too. If I am levelheaded, it’s only because I’ve been bitten one too many times.
“All right, who wants another drink?” Maya sashays over to the bar cart we pulled outside earlier, grabbing a martini glass. “Anyone for another of my wicked little potions?”
A few hours later we’re all sitting around the firepit by the pool, the starlit sky above looking more beautiful than ever. Tripp’s out partying with his Twitch friends, and John still hasn’t showed. Last I heard, he’s meeting up with Tripp and heading back to the house later. But I’ll believe that when I see it. Work seems to always come before me these days. I get it—to an extent—I work my ass off too. Still, there’s a part of me that wanted to be his only focus this weekend. I’m not playing, there’s no show for me to worry about, and my only plans were to hang out with him and my friends. And it’s never fun worrying about when a guy’s going to show up or if a guy’s going to show up—I’m simply not that kind of girl.
“Sure, why not?” I say, knowing all too well how wild Maya gets when she’s let loose with alcohol and mixers. Normally I’d refuse, but we are on vacation, and if John’s not gonna show up, I’d rather—
My phone buzzes on the seat beside me.
John: A shining star never gets lost in the dark
It’s the first text he’s sent me since this morning. I type back a reply immediately, desperate for him not to leave me hanging again.
Me: Cute. Speaking of lost . . . where are you?
John: Sorry, not lost. Just took the scenic route?
Me: Not funny. Where are you, for real?
There’s way too much of a delay before his reply. I take the drink Maya passes to me and gulp down a large, bitter-tasting mouthful. It scorches the back of my throat.
“Jesus, Maya!” I exclaim.
“Good, right?” She flashes me a toothy grin.
John: Sorry, P
I sigh and place my phone face down.
“Did I say something wrong?” Maya lands on the couch beside me. “Oh.” She groans loudly. “My bad. I should’ve known. What now?”
“Don’t start,” I say wearily. But then I backtrack a little when I notice her expression—the one that says, Seriously? harder than words ever could. “Okay, fine. Maybe I’m just overthinking it all, but—” I drop my shoulders and look away.
“But?” Maya prods, gesturing for Jessie to join us on our side of the firepit.
“Did he do something shitty?” Jessie asks, scooting in beside Val.
“Like, yes . . . no . . . I don’t know. Technically, he hasn’t done anything, it’s just the way he’s making me feel.”
“Sounds like John.” Maya nods. “Princess, something’s been up with him all day. He can’t make it on time to Coachella? I don’t think so—”
“You’re turning this into something bigger than it is, Maya,” Val cuts in, shooting her a warning glance. She meets my eye and smiles sympathetically. “Don’t overthink it, okay? He’s probably busy working. Take him at his word and don’t let yourself spiral at the slightest push. If you don’t have trust, what have you got?”
She’s right. I know she is. But there’s a part of me that feels uneasy, like my connection with John just doesn’t feel like such a sure thing this time around.
“It’s the little things,” I say. Maya raises her eyebrows at Val’s advice. “Like how he’s taking forever to reply today. I’m not clingy, you know that, but when it’s like seven hours between texts and he only gets back to me with a short little message, that’s pretty weird.”
“Damn right it’s weird,” Maya says.
“But what did he say?” Val asks.
I glance down at my phone, scratching my wrist, a little embarrassed to admit it. “Well, John’s been sending me messages at 11:11 consistently every day, but I can tell the 11:11 message I got today wasn’t the same,” I mumble.
“Ignore him for now,” Maya suggests.
“Hold on a sec, let’s not be irrational. He took the time to stick to that schedule,” Val says at the same time. “That’s a good thing, Princess.”
I offer Val a small smile, reassured by her words. “I guess.”
“Val, why are you making excuses for him? He’s not even here and he said he would be.” Maya’s voice is sharp.
“I’m not making excuses,” Val counters.
“Guys, please,” I say, rubbing my temples. I wish I hadn’t brought this up. “Can we not turn this into a thing?”
Maya opens her mouth to say something but Val gets in first. “Sorry, I’m not trying to take sides or anything. It’s this whole ‘stay positive’ idea my therapist’s been talking about lately. I started seeing a new one, and she’s really into the idea of letting people reveal themselves rather than projecting your issues onto them and ruining a good thing. Sometimes it’s not worth overthinking stuff. It’s probably not as bad as it seems.”
“Princess,” Jessie says, leaning forward to look directly at me. In true Jessie style, she just wants to cut to the chase. “Do you love him?”
My mouth’s suddenly dry. It feels like sandpaper all up through my throat. I know my answer right away but somehow the word unpeels from my lips way too unconvincingly. “Yeah.”
Val and Maya tilt their heads, both watching me carefully, lost in their own thoughts.
“Or is it like before,” Jessie continues, “when it felt like love to you, but you were missing the reciprocation? Remember when you told me how real it felt in the moment?”
“It does feel real,” I say quickly, thinking back on all the time John and I have been spending together lately. Morning and night we’re together, the way it’s supposed to be. We’ve been each other’s sunshine at the start of the day and safe haven to fall into as the night draws in. But in between, there’s just been this kind of disconnect.
That’s not even the right word. Maybe I am overthinking this.
“Anyway,” I say cheerfully, snapping out of it because I do not want this to ruin our night. “I think the real answer we all want is what’s going on with you and Tripp now, Val?” I nudge her. “Is it official yet, or . . . ?”
She laughs out loud but her eyes don’t hold any hint of real amusement. “Yeah, no. I’m pretty sure at this rate we’re just gonna be in a situationship forever.”
“Oh, shut up,” Maya teases with a dramatic eye roll. “He’s so fucking in love with you, Val.”
Val rolls her eyes too as she takes a big gulp of her drink.
“Think of all the cute double dates we could go on if you two made it public,” I add enthusiastically, taking another sip of my drink. “Shit, we might even inspire Maya to settle down for once.”
She flips me a middle finger, and all of us laugh.
“There’s simply no point,” Val says when our laughter dies down. “All relationships in this town go to shit in the end anyway. Might as well not even pretend.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I butt in, sitting tall on the seat and holding up a hand. “Sorry, is this the same Val from, like, two seconds ago who was trying to preach positivity to me about my relationship?”
“Yeah, for real.” Maya chuckles, pulling a face as she stirs her drink. “What’s up with that?”
Val slumps in her seat and groans. “I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s so depressing every time I think about how much I just want to couple up and have him all to myself.”
“Oh, trust me,” I say, looking to the others for backup. “He’s really not looking anywhere else.”
“I know that.” Val groans again, and I hate the pang of insecurity that jolts through me at how sure she sounds. Must be nice to know you’re the only one your man’s got eyes for. “But I also know the second we make it official it’s like a ticking time bomb and we’re headed straight for a breakup. It’s how it goes. And you know that as well as I do, Maya, so don’t look at me like that.”
“I’m not looking at you like anything.” Maya shrugs, acting nonchalant. “Just maybe like I don’t see the point in being precious about it. Relationships are to build character, not hold us down for life. Next you’ll be telling me you want to leave LA and buy a big plot of land out in the country, have five kids, do the family thing—”
“You mean you don’t want that?” Val raises an eyebrow. “Shit, I wish.”
I think about my conversation with John while we were looking out over the city and sigh quietly. Sometimes a simpler life seems so much more appealing. But would he still act the same if we didn’t have the distraction of work 24-7?
Yeah, I don’t wanna think about that.
While the girls chat quietly, all of us slipping into a woozy, sleepy state as the night gets darker and the stars shine brighter, my thoughts drift away. In my head I’m making music in a light and airy studio overlooking a pure white beach and azure water; I’m painting and writing poetry and reading books and singing softly. There’s no pressure, no need to live up to anyone’s expectations, no worries about who is or isn’t commenting on my TikToks or watching my Instagram stories. I’m just chill, and it’s me and him, and in my mind I can feel his presence wrapped around me like a warm embrace even though I can’t see him clearly.
And I don’t know why the presence I feel is Win.
I snap my eyes open, unaware I even closed them, and sit up straight in the seat.
“Princess?” Maya looks at me wide-eyed. “Everything okay?”
I swipe a hand over my face. “Yeah. Shit. Did I fall asleep?”
“You were pretty quiet,” Val says.
“What time is it?”
“Time we should be at a party, if you ask me,” Maya answers, but when the three of us groan and boo at her, she laughs and kicks herself up and out of her fireside chair. “All right, grandmas. Bedtime it is. Party tomorrow. I get it, we’re old now.”
We all get up and move into the house, talking and laughing and falling into each other, tipsy from Maya’s crazy cocktails. When we reach my room, somehow everyone decides we’re sleeping in my bed, and within a few minutes we’re snuggled under the sheets, all of us still wearing our makeup, Jessie’s and Val’s heads resting on my shoulders and Maya lounging along the bottom of the huge bed.
“Sing us a lullaby, Princess?” Val asks sleepily.
“You guys better deliver my hangover cure directly to my bed in the morning,” I say with a heavy sigh, pretending I’m annoyed even though they all know I love doing this as much as they enjoy listening.
“I grabbed you a bottle of Pedialyte already.” Jessie chuckles, reaching over to the nightstand and passing the purple bottle to me.
“What song do you want me to sing?” I ask as I unscrew the lid.
They each make a choice, and as I sing and they fall quiet around me, the blue light of Maya’s phone screen the only thing illuminating the dark room, my mind drifts back to Win. Without thinking twice, I’m building up the rest of that blissful dream world with him in my mind, John’s name fading further and further away as I dream of brown eyes smiling at me across dimly lit dinner tables, the smell of cologne and Italian leather, a voice that talks with purpose and never breaks a promise, and a smile that flips my insides and sends me spiraling headfirst into the most irresistible of dangerous waters.