Chapter 5
Lennon
“You go, Channing,” I sniff. I’m sitting on my sofa in a Disney T-shirt, boy shorts and long fuzzy pink socks watching Magic Mike’s Last Dance.
My hand dips into the popcorn bowl. Tonight is all about self-soothing.
I’ll give myself one night to mourn. One night to cry as I imagine Sandro pledging his life to Giada. And then I’ll get on with my own life.
I grab for the Kleenex box as the TV screen blurs, let out a heartbroken moan and give in to another wave of sobs. Then I take a deep breath, wipe my nose and swollen eyes, and toss the damp Kleenex on top of the growing pile.
The worst part is this is self-imposed pain. I chose this. I left him. And I would do it again. There is no choice really. Especially now that I’ve seen what the last decade of living in violence and darkness has done to him. It has made him a hard, angry man. The Sandro I knew is obviously gone.
There’s a knock and then Sloane comes through the door, bags rustling. “Your door was unlocked, babe. Not safe.” She goes directly into the kitchen, drops the bags with a thud on the counter, and peers at me over the island bar that separates the kitchen from the living room.
The bar still has all the same decor from my childhood: a frog planter where I throw my keys, a few framed photos of me and Mom, decorative candles, and a large glass bowl full of seashells we collected over the years.
She tosses her keys into the frog planter.
“Haven’t you heard about the robberies in this part of town?
Some assholes robbed Mr. Chen at his restaurant on Wednesday night.
Pistol-whipped him, sent him to the hospital.
” She then turns and digs through my cabinets.
“Poor man. You need to be careful at the diner tomorrow night.” She stops and stares at the TV.
“Magic Mike? You’re really not okay are you? ”
I shake my head, and grab a new Kleenex as the tears spill over my cheeks once again.
With a loud sigh, she begins mixing drinks. Then she carries over a tray with chips, salsa, a bowl of peanut M he kept me far away from her. His father never came with them. Sandro said that’s because he’s some big-shot boss in New York.
Most of the teenagers and kids were in swimsuits.
They were dancing, pushing each other in the pool, screaming and laughing and probably drinking whiskey-spiked Coke.
There were the usual guards standing around the perimeter in suits, scanning the crowd with a practiced eye.
Like anyone would dare attack a mafia prince at his own birthday party.
I searched the area for Sandro, finally finding him standing with Gunnar and his younger brothers Rocco and Dino. They were watching the band, but every once in a while, Sandro turned and scanned the crowd. I smiled, pretending that he was looking for me.
Look up, I willed him. Please look up. I’m here.
“Lennon Rose,” my mother called.
With a heavy sigh, I let myself have a few more seconds of watching Sandro and then headed back inside.
By eleven PM the party was winding down. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and forget this day ever happened. But that wasn’t in the cards.
“I have to stay to help clean up the party,” Mom said, fatigue evident in her voice. When she saw my disappointment, she ran her hand down my hair. “It will give me a nice bonus on my check. Maybe we can get you some new clothes with it, huh? Have a little shopping spree?”
“Sure.” I didn’t really care about clothes, but Mom did. If she got any extra money, she would insist on buying me something that I would inevitably never wear.
She tried again. “Have you heard there’s going to be a solar eclipse tonight? It starts in an hour. You can take a blanket and some snacks and watch it from the beach.”
All alone. Great. “Okay,” I said, because I was too tired, too sad to keep up the anger.
I took a blanket, a bag of pretzels and a bottled water down to the beach.
There were a few other people who had the same idea, so I walked down the sand a bit to steer clear of them.
Laying out the blanket, I sat down and leaned back on my hands, staring at the view in front of me.
The dark water, the soothing sound of waves lapping the sand, the full moon burning white except for a dark shadow on its left side, creeping slowly across the glowing orb.
My chest suddenly loosened, and I took a shuddering breath, not realizing how tense I had been.
I lay back on the towel, rested my hands on my stomach and closed my eyes, enjoying the ocean breeze.
Once in a while I would open my eyes and check the progress of the eclipse.
Clouds were moving in, surrounding the moon in a burnt orange glow.
Half the moon was in shadow now. Thinking about how that shadow came from earth, the big rock I was lying on made me feel so small, so insignificant. What does my life even matter?
The hair stood up on my arms as footsteps crunched in the sand behind me. Then a shadow fell over me. I tilted my head back and bit back a squeak of surprise.
Sandro.
He was grinning down at me. “You missed my birthday party, Angel.” The words were lazy and slurred. He was drunk.
“I know. I’m sorry.” Heart pounding, I pushed myself up and scooted over on the blanket.
He plopped down beside me, surrounding me in his intoxicating scent. His eyes held mine for a long moment and then moved over my face like he was memorizing it.
“Happy Birthday. How was the party?” I asked, my quiet words almost lost in the breeze.
He cocked his head. “Why didn’t you come?”