36. Eshe
Eshe
It’d been days since I last saw Ezra.
The further we rode, the heavier the pressure in my chest felt. Not to mention the sickening feeling of my brother murdering my family made this journey increasingly unsettling. My body ached to do something—but I couldn’t.
Not yet.
Once I arrived in Crahst, my plan was to get Norrah into safety while I… I found Kavid. And…
And then I would…
I shook my head and straightened my spine, feeling Norrah’s body pressed against me.
To my right, Salazar rode nearby. We had been connecting in the early, quiet mornings when everyone was asleep.
He explained more about his relationship with my mother in secrecy.
He expressed that he wanted to keep my mother’s reputation pure. He must have really loved her.
At the end of the day, I was glad to hear that my mother was loved. I knew that my father loved my mother, but it seemed it was for the sons she bore, not for who she really was.
That must have felt lonely. I really wished I could hold my mother.
I really wished she were here to hold me.
My eyes stung—stupid sands...
But she had Salazar. So did I.
I remembered, for the most part, that he had been there throughout my upbringing. He would be gone here and there, but he always came back home—to my mother and me.
Now, he was being called home to his new family, and I was truly happy for him. Happiness was never meant to be black and white.
I would visit Tarrie, but Mongah wasn’t my home. I never felt it was. I took a deep breath, the dry, hot air filling my lungs.
This was my home.
My brows lowered that moment as we approached our destination.
The towering cliff ahead of us was too familiar.
It sent a shiver down my spine.
Where were we? Where were these friends he said he had?
I’d seen this place before.
Norrah slid off the saddle and continued following the two men who accompanied Salazar, continuing a conversation I had clearly missed.
I remained absently in my saddle, clawing my mind, wondering where I’d seen this cliff before.
Sand bells were going off in my head. They were walking and leading the reins of their horses toward a large boulder at the bottom of this massive mountain rock.
And then it hit me.
We were in front of the Atrove.
Did they know where we were?
The boulder slid as if invisible men were pushing it to the left, and Norrah and the two men approached it.
“Guys! We shouldn’t be here!” I shouted, before it was too late, but they couldn’t hear me.
Who knew what the Atrove would do to them if they found them in their own home.
Ezra wasn’t here to explain anything—to fight for us.
There was no chance I could defend all of us against an army of Atrovians.
Everything turned to slow motion when Salazar slid off his saddle near me.
“Targon!” A man dressed in white appeared on the other side of the boulder when it was pushed to the side. He waved at us to come over.
Targon? My heart rate raced momentarily. Wasn’t that the old Atrovian leader’s name? The only reason I knew this was because Salazar talked about him frequently when I would endure his lengthy lessons. I knew so much about the Atrove because of him.
The man next to me was most definitely Salazar. Not Targon.
A terribly slow moment went by, and it nearly took my breath away. I snapped my head to my side and looked toward Salazar—
His eyes were on me, and he looked so uncertain I didn’t know why, but in that moment, I wanted to smack the shit out of him.
What was happening?
Targon? The old Atrovian leader.
I gasped sharply.
A wave of crawling chills went through my entire body.
“You,” I rasped.
Salazar stepped toward me and snaked a hand over my reins before I could move from him.
“Ah, my daughter. You remember the stories, don’t you?”
My mouth went dry as I stared at Salazar, realizing he was Targon.
“I trust you’ll keep the information that I’m your father to yourself, for your safety… and for Norrah’s.” He twisted a smile as if he had been waiting for days for this moment. My eyes darted up ahead just as Norrah was entering the Atrove.
No.
Norrah.
My head turned back to Salazar. The world no longer made sense to me. I was Targon’s daughter?
Oh my God. I was spiraling, and it was hard to breathe.
“Why did you take me, Targon? And don’t you dare think about lying to my face? You taught me everything I know. I expect decent respect for your student and daughter,” I said.
Salazar chuckled as if I were an overreacting child—as he had many times in my childhood, but this time my insides coiled.
Amusement was written across his face. It nearly broke my bruised heart.
How could someone whom I grew up thinking the world of be someone entirely different?
One moment, he was my teacher and mentor, Salazar. The next, my father. And now Targon.
The man had many scarves, and I intended to unwrap them all.
Lying piece of shit.
He held on to the reins as if that would do anything.
My eyes flitted toward the Atrove’s caves, where Norrah was.
“I’m taking you away before Kavid finds you out here.
He’s searching for you to finish what he started,” he whispered, but he was wrong.
Kavid didn’t try to kill me when he saw me again.
I kept my eyes on the entrance. “Come down from the horse, Eshe. I don’t have all day to explain everything.
” My immediate reaction was to drop my shoulders, obey him, and listen to Salazar like I had done for twenty-four years.
But something wasn’t adding up. I shook my head. I couldn’t believe what was happening.
“You lied to me,” I whispered to him.
“For your safety, I did. I needed you with me—you’re my daughter. You’ve been with me your entire life, and I wasn’t going to let you endanger yourself to the man who did it all.”
I was his daughter, and he was the past Atrovian leader, Targon.
There was nothing I could do with Norrah inside, so I folded my anger inside my heart and followed Salazar into the Atrove.
But a whisper of the wind through the desert sands told me deep in my bones not to trust this man as we entered.
We walked through the darkened tunnels, and I remained quiet. Calculating everything and everyone in my life, past and present.
This time, Targon and another Atrovian warrior brought me down the levels to the fourth and last one. It was colder here than I remembered. We approached a closed chamber. I turned toward Targon.
“What? Are you going to keep me locked up here now?” I snapped at Targon.
His streaked brows lowered, as if he were tired of my complaining. “Until I can trust you.”
“I have questions. That doesn’t mean you can’t trust me,” I hissed.
“I understand that you do, of course you do. And I will answer every single one of them, but right now I don’t have the time.” He took a step toward me and brushed the back of his fingers against my cheek. “I’ll be back this evening, and we’ll discuss everything.”
It took everything in me not to step away. “I want the truth.”
“You will have it, I swear, Eshe,” he promised.
With great reluctance, I dropped the subject. Through the threshold of the door, I found a bed, a table with fruit, and a chair. It was dark with a candle glowing.
“Where is Norrah?” I asked as I turned to face Targon.
“Don’t worry about her. She has her own chamber close by.”
I saw red. The anger deep inside me unfolded like a crashing wave.
“What? I want her here with me. Why isn’t she here?” I took a step forward, but the Atrovian was already closing the door. I ran the rest of the way until my palm hit the back of the door. “Salazar! Get me Norrah!”
I fell on my knees and clutched the fabric in front of my chest.
No, no, no.
I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t see clearly. I was seeing red and darkness. My head dropped at the back of the door, and I slammed it on there over and over again.
Norrah.
I did this. I took her here, into the lair of the enemy.
That evening, Salazar came to my chamber, bearing a tray of tea and food. I threw questions at him.
“The fringe from days ago, at the oasis, I need to know—was that you?” I demanded an answer. “Were those your men?”
He placed the tray on the table near the bed.
“Eat first, questions after. I won’t have my daughter unwell after days of traveling in the heat,” he said with authority. “I can’t take care of this place, the countries, the foreign affairs if I can’t take care of my own daughter, can I?”
I sat down with a glare and took a bite of bread as quickly as possible so I could get my answers. I stared at him across the table, my head pounding.
“It was I,” he answered my question.
I paused my eating only for a moment. I knew it was.
“Where are they?” The food was becoming harder to chew as he eyed it. I took a sip of the warm, refreshing tea. It helped the bread go down much more easily since all of this conversation was also a little hard to swallow.
“Ezra and Casimir? Ezra, who was the leader of the Atrove?” he asked, and I held in my gasp. “Oh yes, I found out when I followed the Atrove’s right-hand man to the oasis. Then it all clicked when I saw Ezra.”
“He still is.” I leaned back in my chair, with my legs sprawled out. I was fucking exhausted.
“Not anymore, my darling.” Salazar smirked.
“When I realized you were gone, I was coming back to tell you the truth, that you were my daughter, and explain what had happened all those years ago. But then, being back in the sands… I… I missed it. The power. The control. It was mine.” He curled his fist. “It still is mine. Being part of something so much greater was a thrill, and I realized I missed that. Even at my old age… I realized that I can still feel that, I can still be the man I used to be. I need to feel that again.”
I swallowed.
The pattern made sense with Salazar. Whether I wanted to acknowledge it or not, people who enjoy learning were unpredictable. People who loved to go deeper and deeper… were never satisfied. They were always searching and learning for someone who knew.
Oh, Salazar.
I raised my heavy eyes to meet his.
I didn’t know why, but I had a feeling that having him be the leader of the Atrove wasn’t what the desert countries needed.
Shaking my head, something in me unfolded. “What about Tarrie?” My heart beat sped. “And Bea? You’re just going to abandon them?”
His lips twitched as if thinking about them brought him happiness.
“I have my plans for them. Don’t you worry about it. Just like I have plans for you. You used to trust me. You’ll learn to do so again.”
I had no words, staring at the floor. My mouth felt like sand, and a dark, empty feeling began to fill my heart.
“I left my men when I saw you and Norrah riding out. I took the long way around and waited so you wouldn’t consider me part of the attack. I couldn’t have you resisting your own father, could I?”
“Why?”
“Why what?” he asked, quirking a brow at me, taking a bite of the bread after dipping it in oil.
“Why did you attack?”
He paused chewing, seemingly contemplating.
“Well, it was like killing two birds with one stone. I never liked Ezra. In fact, he always wanted you. I could see it by the way he looked at you. He wanted what wasn’t his, that arrogant boy.
And, as an Atrovian leader, I didn’t want my forbidden daughter to leave me and marry a royal member of Tehara. I needed you there, in Crahst.”
What?
He continued, “But when I saw the man, Amr, trailing back to Ruhn to explain the loyalists developing in the Atrove, we followed him. It was a delight to see that it was Ezra. It was even more of a delight to see you were there with him. Plus, it’s too much power to hold for a man like him.
No, no.” He shook his head absently. “Qahl of Tehara and the leader of the Atrove? I was needed, and I saw this,” he explained and took another bite of chicken leg.
My stomach suddenly turned queasy, and I lost all of my appetite.
The hairs at the back of my neck stood, but I asked, “Why am I imprisoned here? I’ve done nothing to deserve this. And why can’t I see Norrah?”
His eyes flickered. “You’re not imprisoned, Eshe. Don’t be ridiculous. You can leave at any time, once you accept the way things are, of course.”
I refrained from launching an attack on him right now. I had to play the part he wanted me to be.
“I need to get things in order for the Atrove. You’ll be staying here with me in the meantime,” Salazar grunted and left the half-eaten food on the table in front of me.
Two steps toward the door, and he was about to leave when I blurted out, “That’s it? Where is she?” My voice turned louder as I followed him, but the door suddenly slammed in my face.
“Salazar!” My fists turned white as they pounded on the locked wooden door in front of me. It was nothing like the chamber I was in the first time I was here. I was seeing red all over again. I couldn’t breathe. This place was a solid rock with a heavy door.
I felt so heavy.
My mind was working slower than usual. I was so tired, but I processed the last few days. None of this made sense. I closed my eyes, slumping back on the door, and breathed.
Targon was the last Atrovian leader, but he had me. Which is entirely against their laws.
I held my breath and remembered what Kavid told me. The story of an Atrovian man who fell in love, and he killed his lover to hide his identity.
Could it be Targon was that man?
My heart began to pound violently. No.
But it made sense.
A sheen of sweat gathered on my forehead.
Did Kavid find out the truth, and was that why he tried to kill me?
For Targon’s identity to remain hidden, did he himself kill my family? Did Salazar run from it all, even the Atrove, because it could have been exposed that I was his daughter?
My heart cracked.
Salazar killed my family. To save himself.
Something felt wrong—I felt wrong. Had Targon touched the tea?
My arms fell limp, my hands grazing weightlessly on the floor.
I couldn’t keep my eyelids open, and I fell into the emptiest sleep of my life.