Chapter 13 #2
His brother sent him back a thumbs up. He better not be checking his phone while driving.
Anson turned on the oven. The fridge was already on.
“I think it’s getting warmer in here, don’t you?” she asked as she walked into the kitchen. “Oh no! I don’t have any food.”
Because she’d left it all at his place.
“Joey is onto that.” He wished he could get her everything she needed. That he didn’t have to rely on others for help.
Then again, that would mean being away from her.
“Oh, that’s kind of him. Thanks again for helping me. I hate being a burden.”
“You could never be a burden,” he told her.
She gave him a small smile. “Never say never. I have it on good authority that I’m pretty dumb and useless.”
Anger filled him. And he had to fight hard to keep his breathing normal. Because he just knew that wasn’t her talking. That was the asshole who had abused her.
“Who told you that?” he asked.
“No one,” she said hastily. “I think I’ll go check the hot water.”
A smart idea, but he wasn’t going to let her run off.
“I looked in your book,” he told her.
She turned to him. He moved to the sofa by the fireplace and sat. His leg was still aching, but it wasn’t as bad when he was sitting.
Maybe he should have held that information back, but he wanted honesty between them.
“I know you did. You told me.”
“No, I mean that I looked at more than just the stuff you wrote about me. After you left that is.”
“What . . . what exactly did you read?” she asked, sitting in an armchair across from him.
It was definitely getting warmer in here. But having the fire on would warm the place up even more.
“It’s not a diary, is it? It doesn’t read like a diary.”
“In a way, it kind of is, I guess. I don’t write in a diary format and not everything in it is stuff that I’ve seen or experienced. Some of it is pure fiction.”
“It is?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m . . . they’re ideas for stories. Romance books. But I wasn’t going to write about you . . . just take aspects from you. Maybe bits of your personality to put into a book. It would never have been about you, I promise. However, I can see why you thought that.”
“I get that now and I’m not worried about that. You can use pieces of me in your books if you want.”
She breathed out a sigh and nodded.
“You’ve published a book?”
Her face lit up in a way that he hadn’t seen before. Pure joy and happiness and it took his breath away. He hadn’t seen that look on her face before, but he wished she looked like that all the time.
Could he help her find that level of happiness permanently?
Fuck. He hoped so.
“I have. I’ve got three published and a fourth one set up on pre-order. I published them myself. I’ve been writing for several years, but just in notebooks. Never for anyone else to read. George always said . . .” She trailed off.
“What did he say about your writing?” he asked.
“He didn’t like me doing it. He said that it would never amount to anything.
I’ve always loved reading romance books and that’s what I wanted to write.
But he said that romance books would rot my mind and that it was pointless drivel.
Soft porn for housewives. I think he was worried that I liked the men in my books better than him. Probably because it was true.”
“What a fucking asshole!” he said.
Alice startled. Almost as though she’d forgotten that he was there.
“Yeah. He really is,” she said.
“I want to ask you something.”
She tensed. “What is it?”
Anson leaned forward, keeping his gaze on her face. He wanted to make certain that he could see her as he asked her this.
“In your book you had notes about a narcissist and there were things written in there . . . examples of things that a narcissist might say and do to his partner. Ways to control and make her feel small so that he might feel big. Was that fiction? Or was that truth?”
Alice sucked in a breath. She wasn’t certain that she was ready to answer that.
Her lower lip trembled slightly as she glanced away from him.
“Baby,” he whispered. “You don’t have to tell me anything else, but just say yes or no. Okay?”
Right. She could do that.
“Yes, it was the truth. Not fiction.”
There was silence and when she managed to make herself look at him, the utter pain in his face made her breath catch.
“Fuck,” he whispered. “Fucking hell.”
“I’m sorry.” She winced as she said that. Not only was it a rule, but she had no idea why she was apologizing.
The fierce look told her that he had the same thought. “You have nothing to apologize for.”
“You just look so upset.”
“My pain is not your fault. What he did to you . . . that is on him. If I could erase that for you, I would. But I can’t. My pain is because I would never want that for you. I hate that you went through that.”
“I hate it too,” she whispered. “I never thought that would happen to me, you know? My parents were amazing. They always supported me in everything, they were kind and loving. After they died, I guess I became a bit lost. I was on my own. I had a job working in marketing for a supermarket chain. It was good money and I had good friends, however I just never felt fulfilled.”
“How did you meet him?” he asked.
“Someone at work introduced us. I didn’t really feel it for a start, but he was persistent. And in the beginning, I never noticed how he was separating me from my friends, changing what I wore, the way I spoke. I was so fucking stupid.”
“Do not call yourself stupid,” he told her fiercely. “You are not stupid. That’s his words coming from your mouth and I won’t allow it.”
For some reason, she found herself wanting to smile. “You won’t allow it?”
“No.” Then he frowned. “Wait. Do I sound like him?” Horror filled his face.
Getting up, she walked over and kneeled in front of him. “No, you don’t. You might be bossy and you might think you know best—”
“Don’t just think it,” he told her.
“But the difference between you and him is that you’re bossing me around because you care. You don’t want me to speak badly about myself because you don’t want me to feel badly about myself.”
“And because none of it is true. Not a word of what he said.”
“I know,” she said quietly. “It’s just going to take a while to believe it. It’s not an instant fix.” And for that reason he should stay away from her. “I might need a while to get myself sorted out.”
“You can take as long as you want.”
“I can?”
“Yep. As long as you don’t push me away while you do it.”
Alice rolled her eyes. “And if I said I wanted to do it on my own?”
“I’d tell you that no one should be alone. I know that better than most.” He gestured his leg. “Spent the last nine months pushing everyone away so that I could do this alone. Turns out, that was a fucking waste of time. And pointless. And not what I actually need.”
“Wow, never thought I’d hear you say that.”
She glanced up to find Joey behind her, gaping down at his brother. She hadn’t realized that he’d come in. Although Anson’s lack of surprise told her that he’d seen him. And that maybe those words weren’t fully for her, but for his brother.
“Yeah, well,” Anson said uncomfortably. “Perhaps I’ve been a bit . . . difficult to deal with.”
Joey snorted. “You? Never.”
Anson shot him a look. “But I do appreciate everything that you’ve done. And that you have always been there for me.”
Joey sniffled. “Aww, big bro. Hug?”
“No. Now bring the firewood in.”
“Anson,” she said on a groan. Would it hurt him to hug his brother?
Joey grinned down at her. “Don’t worry. Him letting me do stuff is his way of saying he loves me. Don’t you, Ansy? You love me?”
“I take back everything nice I said about you.”
“See?” Joey said. “Brotherly love at its best.”