Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Why was it so scary up here?
She hadn’t felt scared when she was staying with Anson. But after he and Joey had left, she’d immediately realized how alone she was.
And how that was the opposite of what she wanted.
Christmas bells.
What was she going to do?
Every noise out here scared her and yet when it was quiet it seemed to terrify her even more.
Maybe George was right. She was an idiot. How had she thought this was a good idea?
Then she saw Anson’s face frowning at her as he scolded her for thinking like that. For letting George’s words get to her.
She wasn’t an idiot. So it was a bit scary to be on her own, she was fine. Anson was just down the mountain if she needed him.
Opening up the messages on her phone she clicked on Anson’s.
Alice:
Good night, I’m going to bed. I’m wiped. Thanks for all your help, for coming after me and explaining everything.
Anson:
Baby, don’t thank me for finally being a decent human being. It’s the least I owe you. Did you eat dinner?
Alice:
Yep. Soup and toast.
Anson:
Good girl.
Even reading those words for a second time sent a shiver running down her spine.
Who knew she’d like being called a good girl so much?
Anson:
I want you to get a good night’s sleep. Message me in the morning.
He was extremely bossy and she never thought she’d want a bossy man after George. But like she’d told Anson, he was nothing like her ex-husband.
Shoot. She still didn’t think she could sleep yet.
But instead of sitting here in bed, scaring herself, she could get up and do something productive.
Grabbing her laptop, she settled into bed and started to write.
A couple of hours later, she stopped to stretch and became aware that she was shivering. Shoot. How had she not noticed that? When she started writing, sometimes she stopped taking notice of everything around her.
It was kind of cold, though. She’d put some firewood on the fire before bed but when she walked out into the living room, she saw that it had gone out.
Drat.
Oh, well, she’d just turn up the heat.
But as she looked at the thermostat, she wondered if there was something wrong because it was on a really high setting. With a sigh, she cranked it up higher. Maybe a bath would help warm her up?
And relax her.
Heading into the bathroom, she filled the tub up. She wished she’d thought to get bubble bath.
She stuck her hand in the water. Why wasn’t it hot? What the heck was going on?
Turning off the taps with a frown, Alice checked the time on her phone. It was two in the morning.
Still shivering, she headed back into the living room. How hard could it be to start a fire? Twenty minutes later, she sat back in defeat. This was ridiculous. She looked at her phone and the video that was meant to be a dummy’s guide to lighting a fire.
Only this dummy couldn’t make it work.
Sighing, she rubbed her aching forehead and tried to fight off George’s words that were attempting to infiltrate her head.
Idiot.
Stupid.
Hopeless.
Thank God he couldn’t see her now.
Grabbing her phone and laptop, she headed back to her bedroom. Obviously, something had gone wrong with the heating system and that might also affect the hot water. She’d just have to contact Mr. Caldwell in the morning and get him to fix it.
Why the heck wasn’t Mr. Caldwell answering her messages? She’d sent several text messages and called him five times!
This was getting ridiculous.
She could probably have dealt without hot water, although it was a bit annoying.
But. It. Was. Freezing.
She’d followed everything that the sexy bearded guy on the video had told her to do to light the fire but even though it would light up, it wouldn’t really catch for long.
Maybe her bits of wood were too big. He had small pieces in the video he called kindling. Had Joey brought her any of that? Had he even brought up enough for more than a day? After all, Mr. Caldwell was meant to be supplying the wood.
Her phone buzzed and she glanced down at it.
Anson:
Everything all right? Did you sleep in?
Sleep in? She’d barely slept at all. All she’d managed was to nod off now and then.
Alice:
Sorry, I forgot to message you this morning. Everything is good.
Shoot. She’d just lied. But he wouldn’t be able to tell that, right? And she wasn’t in his house anymore or under his rules. She could do what she liked when she liked.
Sure.
And why doesn’t that make you happy? Why aren’t you dancing around naked? Singing and laughing? Why do you wish you were back with him under his rules?
Because his rules made her feel safe.
Not ridiculed or suppressed.
Plus, his house was warm. She bit her lip.
Anson:
I don’t have any right to insist that you message me, but I’m going to do it anyway. Message me tonight when you go to bed. And if you need anything.
Like kindling? Firewood? Someone to work out what was going on with the heat and water?
It wasn’t fair to ask for his help with all of that, though. And Mr. Caldwell would surely get back to her soon. Right?
What are you going to do if he doesn’t get back to you?
Yeah. That was something she’d worry about later.
For now, she’d attempt to figure out the kindling situation.
Later on that evening, Alice was staring at the fireplace in satisfaction when her phone buzzed with a message.
Was that Mr. Caldwell?
Well, she had a few words for him. But she was pleasantly surprised to find it was Anson.
Anson:
Tell me something about yourself that no one else knows.
Her eyebrows rose. She hadn’t thought he’d ask her something like that. And she wasn’t certain how to answer.
What to tell him? What was something that no one else knew?
Alice:
You already know my big secret.
Anson:
Fair enough. How long have you known you were a Little?
Hmm.
Alice:
My parents died when I was twenty-four and for weeks after, I would hug Lola and cry while sucking my thumb.
I had to deal with so much on my own during the day and when I got back to my apartment, I’d sink into Little headspace.
Even though I didn’t really know what it was.
It was months later when I thought to start doing some research and discovered that I was a Little.
Anson:
How long after that did you meet George?
Alice:
About a year after the death of my parents. I was still so sad and the only time I didn’t think about them was when I was in Little headspace. I wasn’t brave enough to go searching for a club or other Littles and definitely not a Daddy.
Anson:
You told George?
Alica:
Ha, no. We dated for eight months and then I moved in with him.
On the anniversary of my parents’ death, I regressed into Little headspace.
I became non-verbal and I think he got a fright or something.
When I came out of it, he was so angry with me.
He was so . . . embarrassed by me. We almost broke up. Now, I wish we had.
Somehow, it was almost easier to talk to him by text message. To tell him all of this. It didn’t feel so humiliating.
Anson:
Bastard should have helped you through that not gotten mad or upset with you.
Yes. And she wished she’d been strong enough to leave him after that. Instead of spending years with him, letting him push her down, make her small so he could feel big.
Alice:
I wasted so much of my life on him.
Her phone rang and she saw that it was a video call. Shoot. Did she look all right? She had no time to go to a mirror and check.
At least she was warm so her teeth were no longer chattering. She’d managed to find some smaller bits of wood among the firewood that Joey had delivered. Thank goodness!
The living area was now toasty warm, the bedrooms not so much. So she’d made herself a bed on the sofa. This way, she could also keep the fire going all night. Although she was worried about her wood supply running out.
Putting a smile on her face, she answered it. “Hi.”
He frowned at her. “What’s wrong?”
“Um, you know, when someone says hi you’re supposed to say hi back.”
Shit.
Why did she say that? No one liked a smart mouth.
No one thinks you are funny, Alice. When you speak like that they just think you’re rude.
Great. Would she ever get his voice out of her head or was she destined to always hear that . . . that Grinch speaking to her like that?
But instead of getting angry, Anson just smiled. “I apologize. Hello, Alice.”
“Hi.”
His smile widened.
“You have a cute smile,” she told him.
“Cute? I’m not the one who is cute. Are you all right? You look tired.”
“I had a bit of trouble sleeping.” It was harder to lie to him when she was speaking directly to him.
“I’m sorry, baby. Is there something on your mind? Anything I can do to help?”
Wow. He didn’t know what those words meant to her. Whenever she couldn’t sleep with George he’d tell her to go to another room so she didn’t disturb him. He wouldn’t ask if there was something wrong or if he could help.
“There’s a lot on my mind,” she told him. “But I think I have to work through it on my own.”
“I don’t like that. But only because I want to be the one to solve all of your problems. I don’t want you to have one more sleepless night.”
“How are you so amazing?”
“I wish I was. I’m going to try to be what you need so you will give me a chance.”
She sucked in a breath. God. Was that what she wanted too? She did but she wasn’t quite there yet.
“It’s all right, baby. I know you need time. Have you got the fire going?”
“Yep, it’s roaring.” At least she could show him that. She turned the camera around.
“Good. Caldwell got you the firewood?”
“Soon, I think,” she said, trying not to lie.
“And you’ve eaten?”
“I have.” His caring might be smothering to someone else, but her starved soul was lapping it up.
She really wished she could feel him hugging her right now as well. Was it possible for a person to be touch-starved? She liked to read Omegaverse books and sometimes the Omegas became touch-starved. But that was fiction.
“What have you eaten?” She didn’t want everything to be one-sided.