11. Sapphire
SAPPHIRE
Sin blinks, tilting his head to the side as if he misheard me. “Huh?”
“You heard me,” I say. “I’m the one who finished him off.”
His frown deepens. “No fuckin’ way.”
I stand straighter. “One night he beat Reaper so bad, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I couldn’t take walking on eggshells for the rest of our lives.
He controlled everything, and we had no other family.
We were stuck. Two teenagers with nowhere else to go.
” I’ve never told this story to a living soul.
“So yeah, I did something terrible, and I don’t regret it. ”
Nobody is more surprised than me that I just blurted it all out.
His tone is grave when he asks, “How did you do it?”
I puff out my cheeks. I’ve never told this to a living soul. “Sleeping pills.”
“Holy shit.”
“I slipped extra into his booze. That, as well as the opioids he was on, sealed the deal. He never saw it coming. I never meant to actually kill him,” I say.
“I only meant to shut him the hell up so we could get some peace. He was used to taking them… just not several of them mixed with the other shit.” The silence hangs between us until I nudge him. “Say something.”
“You’re a fuckin’ badass.”
“That’s all you have to say? Aren’t you going to tell me what a bad person I am for taking a life? That’s as bad as it gets.”
He shakes his head. Clearly I’m profoundly mistaken. “Not for someone who made the decision they weren’t going to take the abuse anymore, and you didn’t intend to kill him.”
“Would it matter if I did?”
“No. He was a prick.”
I bite my lip, unsure whether I’m going too far with my next confession. “If Reaper knew what that asshole tried to do to me when he was drunk, he would’ve killed him a lot sooner,” I mutter.
He tips my chin up with his two fingers. “Did he ever lay a hand on you?”
I shake my head. “Reaper took the brunt of it. I fought him off. I didn’t tell Reap because back then, he would’ve killed him with his bare hands, and frankly I didn’t want the only person I cared about to go to jail.”
“I’m sorry that happened to you. Fuck, man, I had no idea.”
I shrug. “He got what was coming to him, that’s what matters.”
“And Reap doesn’t know?”
I shake my head. “Maybe he had his suspicions, but he never asked outright. I was fifteen. The cops were well aware of his reign of terror. They knew our house well. They ruled it as an accidental overdose. Somehow, CPS never investigated enough to take us away before things escalated. Dad knew people in high places and bought them off. People owed him because he had dirt on everyone, being a dealer himself. Why he wanted us around I’ll never know.
The sick bastard just couldn’t bear to be alone. ”
Something about my confession feels as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s a secret I’ve kept all these years.
“You got away with it.”
“Nobody would ever believe a fifteen-year-old schoolgirl with good grades, albeit a bad upbringing, would do something so heinous. I didn’t get into trouble with the law until much later.”
“Heinous would be hacking him to pieces.”
“Trust me, I thought about doing a lot worse,” I say. “The weird thing was, I didn’t even feel remorse for it. What does that make me?”
“Brave,” he says, gripping my shoulders, pulling me closer. “You’re the bravest person I know. You took that shitty upbringin’ and you made somethin’ out of yourself. You have your business, the club, the respect of your peers. You have your brother who adores you, and me. You have me, Saph.”
“What about Pickles?”
“Well, clearly, you have him already. Looks like I’m gonna have to fight to be the alpha in this house.”
His words resonate deep inside me. The reassurance I’ve always wanted that I didn’t know I needed.
Do I need a man? Hell no.
But the real question is, would I like to have Sin around? Heck, yeah. I don’t know why we’ve fought this for so long. I circle back to his earlier statement, my eyes locked on his. “You have me, too.”
He cups my face with both hands. “For real?”
“I just told you I’m a murderer and you still want to be with me. I’d say you’re a keeper.”
Sin presses a soft kiss to my lips. It will never cease to surprise me just how soft this brute can be.
I never would have guessed it. “You’re no murderer.
You took matters into your own hands. Dealin’ with baggage like this your whole life takes its toll.
I can carry some of that for you. You don’t have to do it alone. ”
I shake my head, tears welling, and damn it, a couple fall.
I don’t brush them away, and I’ve never cried in front of anyone before.
“There’s no need. That burden lifted the second I told you.
My guilt was buried long ago. I may not have meant to do it, but I still killed him, and I’ve learned to be at peace with that. ”
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for, cupcake.”
“I don’t know about that?—”
He places a finger over my lips. “I do. Thank you for bein’ honest with me.”
“Well now you know my darkest secret, so I really am showing all my cards.”
“There’s nothin’ you could say to me that would shock me.”
My heart races at the thought. “No?”
Sin shakes his head. “Nope. I swear. I’ve heard it all?—”
“What about ‘I love you’?”
I’ve never said those words to anyone before. Well, Pickles, but who wouldn’t, he’s perfect.
Sin stares at me, his eyes fierce, guarded. It’s almost as if I see the little boy inside of him. That seven-year-old child with the weight of the world on his shoulders. The little boy who wanted to save everyone. Alexander just wanted his mom to love him—to be loved. “Not as much as I love you.”
“Holy shit,” I whisper. “We just went from zero to a hundred.”
Sin pulls me into his arms. “Only way I want it. I’ll tell you every day if I have to. My only regret is not doin’ this sooner.”
“You know we’re completely crazy, right?”
He kisses me again, leaving me breathless. “Only way I want it,” he mutters, picking me up and sitting my ass on the kitchen counter. “Just you. Only you.”
“Right back at ya, pretty boy.”
“You just can’t help yourself, can you?”
“Shut up and get on your knees.”
He grins, embracing me, and I’ve never felt so loved, cherished, and protected in all my life. “Whatever you say, ma’am.”