Chapter 4
STARLA
I glanced over my shoulder and watched Ma’s chest rise and fall as she slept. Graham must’ve seen the worry on my face because he said, “She’s fine, Star. Let her sleep.”
“I’ve just never seen her so still and quiet.”
“That’s because it only happens when she’s in bed or in a moving vehicle.”
“Makes sense. I guess those are the only instances where she ever sits down and stays down. I remember wondering if she ever ate enough to get full, because she was always up and down getting something for someone during dinner.”
“Ma has two speeds: sleeping and the speed of light. Nothing in between.”
“Still?” I asked.
“She’s going to multitask on the way to her own funeral.
” I laughed at Graham’s droll delivery. He smiled and added, “She’s always so busy that if she sits still too long, she’ll fall asleep.
That’s why she doesn’t drive the tractor; she’s prone to napping and drifting off course.
She fell asleep once years ago and almost drove it into the pond. ”
“She didn’t!”
He chuckled and nodded. “She sure did. I’d never seen Pa so mad before. At first, I thought he was angry about the tractor, but then I realized he was just terrified she might drown.”
“I loved Pa. He was such a great man.”
“He was. If any of us turn out half as good as he was, we'll become fine men.”
I studied Graham’s profile, surprised by how little he’d changed since the last time I saw him, except now he wasn’t wearing the uniform he had always worn back then.
When I was a kid, Graham seemed larger than life, but then again, all the Brick men were that way.
Like Pa, they had booming voices and ready smiles, but Graham was different.
He shared their looks and size, but his demeanor was calmer.
He’d sit back and watch the chaos, only chiming in with a well-timed comment when whoever was in the spotlight needed a laugh.
While living with Ma, I got to know all the Brick brothers well, except for Graham.
He only came to the farm occasionally. I saw his sons more often than I saw him, and I couldn’t remember ever having a full conversation with the man.
He’d always been kind and welcoming, but since he lived in town and didn’t work on the farm, I never really knew him.
I remembered a few times when he and his sons came out to the farm for Sunday dinner. I had only met his wife once or twice, and I couldn’t even remember her name now. But I remembered Graham.
Maybe it was because he wasn’t around enough for me to think of him as family, but I’d developed quite a crush on him.
Since those days, Graham Brick had been the man I measured all others against, at least in the looks department.
Graham’s father, Pa, was what I looked for in a man’s character, but Graham was my ultimate dream guy and always had been.
And now here I was, riding in a truck with him, heading to his home, hoping to spend the next few years working with the family I’d loved since childhood. The fact that my old crush lived there, too, was just a bonus.
“Do I have something on my face?” Graham asked, pulling me out of my thoughts as he ran his hand over his short beard and down the longer hair at his chin. “You’ve been staring at me a while, and I’m getting self-conscious.”
“I was just thinking about what you were like when I first met you.”
He laughed softly. “Younger with a better attitude.”
“I never really knew you back then.”
“I didn’t get to visit nearly enough. Between my job and my wife, I was away from the farm too much.”
“You gave me a nickname, and that made me feel like part of the family.”
“Little Star.”
“Yes.”
“If I remember correctly, I called you that because you were belting out a Patsy Cline song like you were being paid good money to entertain the chickens. I was sure you’d be a country music superstar someday.”
“That’s what you told me, but it wasn’t Patsy Cline. It was Dolly.”
“That’s right! It was Dolly.”
“She’s still my favorite.”
“I guess now that we’ll both be living on the farm, I’ll get to hear you serenading the chickens again.”
“I doubt it.”
“I’ll keep an ear out just in case.”
Graham spent the rest of the drive updating me on his brothers and their families. I laughed at how he kept mixing up which grandchildren belonged to which brother. When we turned down the lane to Ma’s house, I was glad there was still enough light to see all the changes they’d made.
I must have made a sound because Graham laughed. “I felt the same way when I came home after being gone for so long. It’s crazy how much has changed on the outside, but the important stuff has all stayed the same.”
“I’m glad the family is still involved in the everyday running of the farm. Ma seems really happy with how things are going.”
“My brothers are stepping back a bit and letting the kids take over some things, but we’re still here every day putting in our two cents.”
I suspected they were far more involved than that. This farm was in their blood. Even the ones who had left for a while always came back.
Ma had told me stories over the last few months, and I’d heard the pride in her voice when she talked about how each of her sons and their wives had their own roles in the different operations of the farm. Now the grandchildren were stepping up and, in some instances, had even modernized things.
But at the core of it all, nothing had changed–family came first.
Something I’d been yearning for all my life. Something I hoped like hell I’d find again in Kansas, here at the place that meant more to me than anywhere else I’d ever been.
◆◆◆
SARGE
By the time we pulled up the drive to the main house, I felt thoroughly confused.
A few months ago, when I saw Starla again for the first time in twenty years, all I could picture was the awkward little girl with the shy smile who sang to herself whenever she thought she was alone.
What she never seemed to understand was that on the farm, no one was ever truly alone.
I never told her that, because anyone who heard her singing to the animals always stopped to listen and smile.
I didn’t have many memories of Starla from the years she lived on the farm.
I remembered the occasional family dinner and the day I caught her singing to the chickens.
Because of that, it was easy to separate the child she’d been from the woman sitting beside me now.
My brothers would feel differently, since they had known her much better back then, but all I saw today was a beautiful woman with a gorgeous smile that lit up her entire face every time I caught a glimpse of it.
Now that sweet voice I remembered had grown huskier, and every time she spoke I wanted to close my eyes and let the sound wash over me.
Since I was flying down the highway with a trailer full of livestock and precious cargo in the cab, that wasn’t an option, but I promised myself I would seek her out when she thought she was alone so I could give her voice the attention it deserved.
When I caught her staring at me, I grew curious about what she was thinking.
She didn’t give me a direct answer when I asked, which made me wonder what she saw when she looked at me now.
Considering my history, I wasn’t exactly a catch, but if anyone could see past that, it might be Starla.
She understood more than most because she’d lived through some of the same things.
I shouldn’t have let my mind go there. She was our newest employee, and she’d be living in our house.
Oh, who was I kidding? Starla wasn’t an employee.
Ma already considered her family, and I was sure my brothers and their wives would feel the same.
Hell, even my sons looked forward to reconnecting with the woman who had played with them when they were small and had babysat them often when she lived on the farm.
How long would it be before I considered her family? Did I even want to?
The answer to that was a resounding no, because the longer I listened to her low, sexy voice and the more I heard her infectious laugh, the last thing I wanted to think of her as was family.
The only time I’d ever felt an attraction as instant and intense as this was when I met my ex and married her soon after.
I had always considered myself a smart guy who learned his lesson the first time he got fucked over and didn’t need a repeat performance to get the picture, but somehow I knew Starla wasn’t anything like my sons’ mother.
Something had changed in Fabiella when she was pregnant with Grant, and it just became more pronounced after he was born.
It deepened again when she had Gabe and then Garrison.
With each pregnancy, she became more distant, and it wasn’t only with me.
She lost touch with what little family she had left and started surrounding herself with people she never would have associated with when we first met.
By the time Garrison was born, she had an entire circle of friends I could barely stand.
It was a relief to leave them behind when we moved back to the farm, but instead of embracing country life the way she’d sworn she would, she insisted we live in town.
That choice allowed her to build a whole new circle of friends.
Under different circumstances, that might have been a good thing, but she gravitated toward people I wouldn’t want anywhere near my sons.
She didn’t seem to care. Given that I was a law enforcement officer, her choices made my life even more difficult and confusing.
We were on the fast track to divorce long before my arrest. Sometimes I think she secretly enjoyed watching my fall from grace.
Once I was in jail, she embraced her newfound freedom from the responsibility of being a wife and threw herself into the single life, forgetting that she had kids who still needed her.
When she decided to leave town with a boyfriend, Ma made a deal with her to keep the boys on the farm where the family could make sure they were safe and cared for.
Now, even though Fabiella lived on the edge of the property, I rarely spoke to her and saw her only in passing.
Since my release, though, she seemed to show up more often whenever I dated anyone.
I knew she didn’t want me, which suited me fine since I’d be happy never seeing her again, but she didn’t want anyone else to have me either.
My sons were the first to spot the pattern.
They tried to talk to their mother about her behavior, but that only made Fabiella more determined to ruin whatever relationship I was trying to build.
I didn’t give a shit what she thought, what she said, or what she did, but the women I’d been interested in over the last few years refused to deal with the drama she caused.
I couldn’t blame them for walking away, which told me they weren’t the right ones for me anyway.
Even though I hated letting Fabiella win in any way, there wasn’t much I could do to stop those relationships from spiraling into nothing once she set her mind on destroying them.
With her focused on my dating and social life, it all became more trouble than it was worth, so I stayed single for a long time. I kept hoping she’d find a new man and finally pay attention to her own life instead of mine.
Being alone for so long did nothing to calm my libido, especially now that I sat in a truck with the sexiest woman I’d ever laid eyes on. As I pulled up the drive toward the house, I realized I wouldn’t just be looking at Starla from a distance anymore.
She and I would be working side by side as she took over Ma’s daily tasks. We’d be living under the same roof and eating most of our meals at the same table. From our first cup of coffee in the morning to the last goodnight before heading to my room, Starla would be part of my day.
I didn’t know how to reconcile my thoughts about her with the fact that, if Ma had her way, Starla would become a permanent fixture in our lives.
Letting anything happen between us would be a horrible idea, and every time I thought of her in any way other than family, I’d have to remind myself of that.
“I’m so excited to be back here, Graham.”
“We’re all glad to have you.”
Although I said the words easily enough, the path my thoughts had taken during our drive from Rojo told a different story. I had a feeling that I wasn’t going to be nearly as thrilled about it as everyone else.