Chapter 17
SARGE
“You seem to be getting around better than before.”
Lurk frowned. “I couldn’t even stand up in the shower when I got here.”
“I noticed, since I was the one holding you up. I avoided getting that close to anyone in the shower for years, but I did it for you.”
“The fact that you were fully dressed is the only reason you’re still alive.”
“As if you could have done shit about it at the time.”
“I have a long memory, my friend.”
I scoffed, teasing, “I wouldn’t say it was that long.”
Frog snorted. “Why the hell do you call yours ‘Memory’?”
“Men who can’t please a woman are the only ones who give their dick a nickname,” Lurk announced.
“McLintock! That’s what I call my guy.”
The timing was perfect–or imperfect if you happened to be Duke–and the three of us started howling with laughter. Confused, he asked, “What's so funny?”
“We were just . . .” Frog couldn’t keep it together long enough to finish his sentence and started cracking up again.
Finally, I managed to choke out, “I hope he lives up to his legacy.”
“Doubtful,” Lurk hooted as he wiped tears from his cheeks.
“The more time I spend with you guys, the more I realize I’ve gotta get some new friends.”
“Now, Duke, don’t be a little man about things,” Frog teased, which sent Lurk and I into another round of laughter.
“At least he didn’t name his dick ‘Cowboy’ or something cheesy like that,” I hooted.
“He could have called it ‘The Duke’ or something,” Lurk agreed.
“I’m not sure why you’re laughing at the name of my dick, but I don’t appreciate it,” Duke said petulantly.
“We’re talking about dick names?” Starla asked as she walked onto the porch, carrying a tray of glasses and a pitcher of iced tea. “I’ve named Sarge’s, but he said . . .”
“What is it?” Lurk asked.
“Starla . . .”
“My little soldier.” I groaned, knowing without a doubt that my laughing friends would never let me live this down. But Starla turned the tables when she added, “Because when he stands at attention, I’ll do anything he asks.”
Sudden silence fell over the porch. Lurk asked, “Anything?”
“Absolutely anything,” Starla said cheerfully. Then she looked at me and winked. “Isn’t that right, Sarge?”
“Watch out, honey. You’re gonna make them so jealous they try to steal you away,” I said, taking a glass off the tray and waiting for her to fill it. “I’d hate to have to kill one of them.”
“As if any of them could handle me,” Starla scoffed.
“Hell, even Sarge can’t handle you!” Duke announced. “Couldn’t even get your ass out of that car until you were damn good and ready.”
Starla scowled at me. “I still say you shouldn’t have broken the window. I had everything under control.”
“You’re lucky neither of you got in trouble for that little stunt,” Ma said, rounding the corner.
She pulled one of her gardening wagons piled with green beans, an empty bucket, and a stack of large metal bowls.
“The only reason you didn’t get arrested was that Fabiella’s had so many run-ins with the police in town.
If she told them it was raining, they’d go outside to check for themselves.
Now she’s walking around with a cast on her arm like she’s the first person to ever trip over a crack in the sidewalk and break their wrist.”
Starla giggled. “Horrible accident. Poor girl’s got the worst luck.”
“I thought you said you had some work for us to do,” Duke said sarcastically, eyeing the mountain of green beans Ma wanted us to snap.
“There are five more buckets where those came from, and we’ll be canning them tomorrow, so all of you better get to snapping,” Ma ordered. “I’ll bring dessert out when you’re finished.”
We jumped into the task, knowing we needed to make serious progress if we wanted any of the cobbler Ma had baked. We chatted about mundane things until Starla asked, “What time are your friends supposed to get here tomorrow?”
“They’ll get here when they get here.”
“Thank you for the details, Lurk. That was very helpful,” Starla said sarcastically. She flicked the end of a green bean at him. “I’d like to know if I’ll be feeding two more people for lunch and dinner.”
“Lunch too,” Lurk grumbled. “I’m just fine. There’s no sense in Sandi coming all this way just to tell me what I already know, and I don’t need to hear Ajax complain about whatever subject he chooses to bitch about when he gets here.”
“If he mentions how hot it is even once, I’m gonna drown him in the pond,” I promised. “I’m positive our hottest day isn’t nearly as miserable as Louisiana in the summer.”
“Hallelujah,” Duke agreed. “Swamp ass is a horrible thing.”
“They’re from Louisiana?” Starla asked.
“Ajax is–or at least he is now. So is Sandi, but she lived all over before they got together,” I explained.
“And he’s your boss?” she asked Lurk.
“He thinks he is.”
“We don’t officially work for Ajax, but when he needs a job done, we are all pretty eager to volunteer,” I explained.
“What kind of business does he run?” Starla asked.
“He’s a procurer of solutions and finder of necessary things,” Lurk said vaguely.
“Well, that doesn’t sound illegal at all.”
“Sometimes illegal is in the eye of the beholder . . . or something like that,” Duke mused.
“And sometimes illegal things need to happen in order for better things to come about,” Frog added.
“Like whatever happened to bring Lurk here?” Starla asked.
“Exactly like that,” I said, and I knew Starla was smart enough not to ask more questions that might implicate me or my friends in a crime.
She knew something had gone down that night, but not exactly what.
I planned to take that secret to my grave unless some unimaginable reason forced me to share it.
“Well, whatever it was, I’m glad it brought all of you here,” Starla said cheerfully. “I’ve enjoyed spending so much time with you, Lurk. Having Duke and Frog pop in from time to time has been nice too. I just wish Sully and Okie were able to make it back this time.”
“They’ll show up again, probably when we least expect it,” I assured her.
“You’ll find our brothers are a lot like the police,” Lurk said with a frown. “They pop in when you least expect it, and most of the time it’s just to start some shit.”
“I’ve got friends who are police officers, and they’re not bad people,” Starla argued.
“Let me rephrase that. They’re a lot like the feds. I’ve met some cops who are okay.”
“Feds are an entirely different beast,” Starla agreed with a shudder. “I’ve never met a single one I could get along with.”
I burst out laughing along with my brothers. When Starla looked at me in question, I said, “Ajax used to be a fed.”
“Oh.”
“We don’t hold it against him, though,” I assured her.
“I’ll try not to.”
“Are you sure they’re coming tomorrow?” Frog asked Lurk.
“Yeah, why?”
“Who is . . . well, shit!” Lurk snapped. “You talk about haints, and then they come calling!”
“Who is that?” Starla asked.
“Honey, the only people who roll up three deep driving black SUVs are the Secret Service or the feds.”
“Well, shit!”
◆◆◆
STARLA
Even though I knew I hadn’t broken any laws other than continuously ignoring the speed limit signs on that long stretch of road into town, the thought of an FBI invasion terrified me.
Shit! I had broken one law–maybe even two or three–when I got into Fabiella’s car and threatened her. And then, of course, there was that pesky injury to her wrist.
But surely the FBI wouldn’t come after me for that, right?
Absolutely not, and deep down, I knew that, but it didn’t make me any calmer. Of course it didn’t, because that meant the feds were here for Sarge and his club brothers, which meant that they’d look up my name, find my record, and . . .
No. They couldn’t do a thing to me because I hadn’t involved myself in anything illegal in years. Except for possibly harboring a fugitive, although I wasn’t sure Lurk was running from the law. For that matter, Frog and Duke might be too.
“Shit and double shit!” I whispered, setting the bowl I’d been holding between my knees aside so I could stand.
“Stay seated and be calm, Starla. You don’t know nothin’, you didn’t see nothin’, and you didn’t hear anything either,” Ma said from somewhere behind me. “Surely you know that the second you begin to fidget, all eyes land on you.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I whispered, reaching for another handful of green beans. “I’m just a poor, lonely woman snapping beans and fighting off mosquitoes.”
“Exactly, just like I’m a doddering old lady who’s not sure what day of the week it is and can’t remember where she left her car keys.”
“They’re hanging inside the door,” Sarge said sarcastically. “Trust me, ladies, it’s all going to be okay.”
“It damn well better be. We’ve got beans to can tomorrow, and they won’t keep for more than a day after they’re snapped.”
Duke chuckled. “Priorities, am I right?”
I glanced over at Duke and realized he was the only one beside me, which meant Lurk and Frog had vanished. I never sensed them moving and didn’t hear a single sound when they got up from the porch, yet they were gone.
Knowing that whoever walked up would see two extra bowls and know more people had been sitting here, I pulled Lurk and Frog’s bowls toward me, added their snapped beans to mine, and stacked the empty bowls beneath mine.
Sarge stood slowly as the first vehicle stopped at the end of the walk. He sauntered toward the SUV with a smile on his face, cool as a cucumber–something I knew I couldn’t pull off in any situation that might lead to prison.
As men piled out of the vehicles, Sarge asked, “Good evening, gentlemen. How can I help you?”
Instead of answering cordially, the agent who had been driving the lead car pulled out a pair of handcuffs and ordered Sarge to put his hands on his head. As if it were a perfectly natural response, Duke and I immediately did the same thing, which made Ma giggle like a child.
“Amateurs!”