Chapter 21
SARGE
I watched Grant maneuver around a few puddles before he sprinted up the walkway onto the porch. As soon as he stepped under the roof, he shook himself like a dog and shivered.
“Why are you running, son?”
“I’m afraid I’m gonna melt.”
I heard Ma scoff from her chair nearby, and I smiled when she said, “Turds float, son. I think you’re safe as long as you stay away from the deeper puddles.”
“The entire farm is turning into a swamp. I thought the rain was supposed to stop last night.”
“I guess Mother Nature didn’t get the memo,” I said, using my toe to start the porch swing rocking again. Starla moved around and sighed. I brushed the hair from her face and adjusted the crocheted throw covering her. “Why are you out and about?”
“Mom called and asked me to come get her.”
“Then why are you here?”
Grant bit his lip and sniffed back a laugh. “I need to take the rowboat.”
Ma’s diabolical laughter sounded so off-kilter that neither Grant nor I could resist laughing right along with her.
“What’s her plan?”
“She said there isn’t a damn thing in that house she wants to keep other than her clothes and shoes, and she assured me I’d be able to get it all to the shore .
. .” Grant paused when I barked out a laugh and Ma started giggling.
“. . . and then take her into town. Her sister’s coming to pick her up this afternoon.
She asked me to call her when the water goes down. ”
“What did you tell her?”
“That the water’s not going to go down unless the drought gets worse, because her house sits at the low point of the new pond.”
“You know that’s bullshit, right?”
“I know that and you know that, but if she knows that, she’ll come back and harass us until we drain the damn thing and let her move back in.”
“When you guys said you were absolutely okay with Ma’s plan, you weren’t kidding, were you?”
“Mom has made everyone’s life harder than it has to be. When she picks a victim, there’s no stopping her, especially if it’s someone in the family.”
“Has she been picking on you?”
“No, I’m talking about Starla. She’s never gonna stop, Dad. You know that.”
My heart swelled when Grant included Starla in his idea of family. I glanced over at Moe, who had been reading before Grant ran up, and saw tears had welled in her eyes at the news.
“I’m glad the three of you are on board with me and Starla having a relationship.”
Grant rolled his eyes. “You don’t have to sound so prudish about it, Dad.
Obviously, at your age you can’t knock her up, so you’re probably gonna have to figure out another way to drag her to the altar before she comes to her senses and jets out of here.
If you need suggestions, we can put our heads together and come up with something. ”
“I don’t need your help, son. My wit and charm should be enough to convince her to marry me.”
“Yeah, so about those ideas . . . we should have a planning meeting soon,” Grant suggested, walking toward Ma. He kissed her cheek. “Okay, I’ve gotta go help Mom, but I’ll be back in time for dinner.”
“Where are your brothers?” I asked.
“I drew the short straw, so they got to stay home,” Grant said sadly. “I tried blackmail and even begging, but neither of the assholes caved.”
“If your mom is really moving to your aunt’s house, she’ll be far enough away that she can’t call any of you for rescues anymore.”
“Won’t that be nice?” Ma asked.
“You know, Dad, Mom might be down, but she’s never all the way out. She’ll come back swinging like she always does, and I’m not sure Starla understands that.”
“Starla’s made of much sterner stuff than you give her credit for, son. She’ll be just fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
“No, we’ll make sure of it,” Grant assured me.
“I’ll see you guys in a little bit.” As he walked toward the corner of the porch, ready to use the cover to get to the back where he’d find the keys to the shed with the rowboat and other water gear, he said, “Ma, can I be rewarded with some of your blackberry cobbler after the day we both know I’m about to have? ”
“I’ll make two so you don’t have to share your own pan.”
Grant grinned, and as he turned the corner he said, “Then whatever I go through today will be completely worth it.”
“Are you still taking the girls into town to have dinner with Captain and his beautiful wife?” Ma asked.
“That’s the plan.”
“And when will my favorite son get here?”
“I thought I was your favorite son!”
“We’ve talked about this. The one I like best is always the one that lives farthest away, and we live in the same house.”
“But Ajax isn’t even your kid!”
“Doesn’t matter. He lives hours away and has never caused me to lose any sleep; therefore, as my adopted child, he’s my favorite.”
“Lurk’s gonna be upset because he’s pretty sure that you like him best.”
“I did before he spent a month in my house complaining about his health,” Ma huffed. “It tires the soul to have to listen to him whine.”
I knew that was bullshit. Ma had been fussing over Lurk since he got here and would continue to fuss over him until he left, but I let her pretend I believed her. When I looked back over at Moe, she was grinning because she knew everything Ma had just said was a lie.
Ma didn’t have a favorite. She loved all of her children: the ones she’d given birth to, the ones who had married into the family, and the ones she’d adopted honorarily.
It didn’t matter to her how they came into her life; every member of her family was special to her, and she’d go to bat for any of us if we needed her to.
Except for Fabiella. She had never been able to stand the woman, and I knew without a doubt that would never change.
◆◆◆
“You realize that just sitting here with all of you is a violation of my parole, right?” Frog asked.
“Take another pill and hush, Frog. I’ve been here twenty minutes and already heard enough out of you to last me another ten years.”
“Aww, Ajax, I knew you missed me!” Frog teased, undeterred. “And beautiful Sandi, the woman of my dreams, the lady I want to . . .”
“Cut the shit before I stab you in the eye with my fork,” Sandi said, taking a sip of her drink. She set the glass down and smiled at Starla. “How have you managed to live in the same house as these four idiots for any length of time and not end up in prison?”
“I’ve been there twice, and a third strike is not on my bucket list,” Starla said with a bored look as she glanced from Duke to Frog and then over at Lurk.
“Unfortunately for them, they don’t have the opportunity to take my mind off their dumbassishness like Sarge does, but I’ve still let them live. ”
“The offer’s still on the table,” Duke said with a grin.
“And now I want to stab you in the eye with my fork,” Starla said with a sigh. She glanced at Sandi. “How good do you think you’d be at lying to the police about where they might find his body?”
“Better than you might think,” Sandi said mysteriously. “I know ways to make sure there isn’t a body to find.”
“That’s it! I’m gonna brave the humidititties and move to New Orleans, because I want to be your best friend,” Moe announced.
“Hey! What about me?” Taylor asked.
Starla scoffed. “And me!”
“You can visit occasionally as long as you don’t stay longer than three days at a time,” Moe offered.
Sandi reached across the table and bumped knuckles with Moe. “Best friend status acquired!”
“Are you guys still leaving the day after tomorrow?” I asked.
Ajax nodded. “My niece and her baby are in Rojo visiting my brother, so this is the perfect time to visit.”
“I can’t believe you know so many people in Rojo but we’ve never met you,” I said in exasperation. “Do you visit very often?”
“Not as much as I’d like. Jewel loves New Orleans, so lately she’s been taking time off to come see me instead of inviting me to Rojo.”
“That makes sense, and since we’re besties now, I expect an invite myself,” Moe announced.
“You’re welcome anytime,” Sandi promised.
“As long as I don’t stay for more than three days?” Moe asked. When Sandi nodded, she said, “I can assure you, I’m not good at peopling after day two, especially if I’m not getting to sleep in my own bed at night.”
“Does that mean you’re leaving soon?” Lurk asked eagerly.
“While you were sleeping, I looked through your wallet and took a picture of your ID so I can come visit you any time I want,” Moe said with a deadpan expression. “I think a fall visit sounds nice so I can see the leaves changing before they drop for winter, don’t you?”
Lurk looked appalled at first, but then he narrowed his eyes. “I know for a fact you didn’t get my address out of my wallet.”
“You’re right. That was a lie. I got your full name off your license, but I found out where you live online.”
“I still call bullshit, because my home doesn’t have an address.”
Moe rattled off a set of coordinates that sounded like gibberish to me and Lurk’s eyes went wide, and he hissed, “Don’t you dare come to my mountain!”
“Aren’t you glad all the kids get along, honey?” I asked Starla. “We’re just one big, happy family now, aren’t we?”
“That we are! Now, children, stop bickering and finish your dinner or you won’t get any dessert!”
“I just like to watch someone else piss off Lurk as much as I do,” Frog announced.
Lurk glared at him for at least three seconds before saying, “She hasn’t got you beat yet, but she’s getting closer by the minute.”
“It’s so nice when the family gets together,” Captain said with a sigh, leaning back and patting his belly.
“I’ll have to give Boss an update on everyone and tell him how y’all are doing.
Sarge is head over heels with a woman who hasn’t realized what an asshole he is yet, and Lurk’s met the love of his life who is going to drive him to an early grave and then dump him into it before she hightails it back to civilization and pretends they never met. ”
“No, Moe would never bury someone! That leaves too much evidence,” Taylor said firmly. “What kind of criminals do you take us for, anyway?”
“I guess that means you and I have to run away together,” Frog told Taylor.
Taylor looked from Frog to Duke and back again. “I can run pretty fast, especially when confronted with such obviously poor choices.”
“You wound me, woman!” Duke said, slapping his hand against his chest. “You know I’m the better option.”
Our friends bickered good-naturedly–except for Lurk, who still looked a little green around the gills at the thought of Moe appearing at his cabin. I leaned over and whispered in Starla’s ear, “Should we tell them that we’re getting married so they can start planning a return trip?”
“Need I remind you that you haven’t even proposed to me yet?” Starla asked.
I pushed my chair back and dropped down to one knee beside her. The entire table went quiet as I pulled out the ring Ma had given me for just this occasion.
“Starla Ready, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife, to love me in sickness and in health, even though my friends are crazy annoying and show up unannounced?”
“Are you serious right now?” Starla whispered, tears filling her eyes.
“I’ve never met anyone like you and I know I never will, pretty Star. I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love and appreciate you. Will you marry me?”
“Yes!”
Starla’s arms went around my neck, and I pulled her to me for a long kiss. The whistles and cheers of our friends faded into the background when her watch chimed that familiar cadence, telling me her heart was beating a special rhythm just for me.
She slapped at her watch without pulling her lips from mine. Right then, I knew that every day with this sweet beauty was going to be better than the last, and I had never looked forward to the rest of my tomorrows as much as I did now.
THE END