Devin
Was she really serious? Did she want a kid, fuck, did he?
But, if their hotel door fuck resulted in a kid, was it meant to be? Neither had tried to prevent it, they’d just gotten carried away. Shit, they weren’t even in a relationship so to speak.
Was it even close to the right time? In all fairness, letting the universe decide and worrying about timing were mutually exclusive.
So yeah, she was saying if it happened, she would be okay. Scared shitless, but okay.
“Sweetness, you’re so deep in your head you’re giving me a complex.”
Jasper was massaging her breasts and kissing her neck hoping for round two no doubt, but she hadn’t responded.
She did remember what they were discussing.
“However, we are not going to court it without a serious discussion and some planning. Hell, we’re not even a we officially. If it happened, I could do it on my own.”
A look flashed through his melted chocolate eyes that gave her pause, but it was gone so fast she couldn’t name it.
“Fuck that. I wouldn’t let you do it alone.”
Wow, that was… unexpected. She’d always suspected that Jasper would be an all in kind of guy when he decided, he’d practically said as much, but did he really mean that with her?
While her mind was fighting doubts while simultaneously clinging to hope, his hand dropped to her pussy and thrust two fingers deep inside her.
“So, no more getting carried away, okay?” She managed to pant out. That wouldn’t be doing their level best.
Jasper nodded his head and swallowed visibly. He looked almost disappointed. Removing his fingers, he spoke. “I reserve the right to try to change your mind.”
That shocked her. Was he saying he wanted kids with her?
Not just an oh well, it happened, let’s make the best of it.
She was running through not only what she knew of him from before but all his words that she’d written off to pillow talk.
Devin was starting to believe, just a bit, that he was all in with her.
She was drowning in his eyes as he stared intently at the two wet fingers he’d removed from her just moments ago.
“This is what we taste like together, Dev. Us.”
He leaned in close with the hand between their lips, plunging one finger into her mouth and bending the other into his.
The groan that escaped him combined with the sight of him licking their combined release with that pierced tongue almost had her coming again.
It was hands down one of the hottest things she’d ever seen. Most men she knew wouldn’t be caught dead tasting themselves.
He made a wet smacking sound as he pulled the fingers from their mouths. “Fuck. That tastes like forever to me, babe.”
Before she could respond to that he was kissing her. Something about the way the man kissed her, it felt like he was absorbing her IQ through his tongue.
He was making love to her mouth while finger fucking her and robbing her brain cells and… another orgasm crashed into her.
Three.
Three fucking orgasms the man had pulled from her in record time.
As she was free floating, everything was perfect. Fucking Jasper Stanton was talking like they were a real couple and not just fuck buddies, he’d said forever.
When her soul returned to her body reality crashed into her like a tidal wave.
She sat up in bed. “What the hell are you doing here?”
Sitting up in bed wasn’t enough, she stood, dragging the sheet with her to cover herself.
He was there. He wasn’t supposed to be. How did—
“How did you find me? Does Lucas know? Fuck.” She dropped the sheet and started dressing. “Everything’s fucked. Why couldn’t—”
Jasper grabbed her by her biceps and pulled her into his big hairy chest. So comforting, if she let it be.
“Calm down, sweetness. You’re panicking. I found you using the Bastards. He knows. Every—”
She shoved away from him. Lucas would demand her return no questions asked.
“Are you going to drag me back kicking and screaming Sasquatch?” She heard the venom in her voice, and she’d used his road name. If Lucas knew, he’d sent him as the Enforcer to collect his poor misguided sister.
“I’m Jasper to you. Always Jasper. Don’t try to push me away by using my road name and lacing your words with poison, because I will paddle your ass.” His tone was authoritative, and that caused her to cross her arms and stare at him defiantly.
“You can go back and tell your president and my asshole brother that I don’t need to be collected like a repo. I’m a fucking adult and I can handle my own shit.”
Jasper’s face softened and his eyes held something akin to admiration and love.
“I’m not here to collect you, Devin. I’m not here for your brother. I’m here as me, not the Bastards’ Enforcer.” He rubbed his hands up and down her biceps. “In case you missed the memo, I’m fucking yours, Sweetness. I’m here for you.”
Just when she thought she couldn’t be more surprised, Jasper pulled the old hold my beer. She always knew underneath his big gruff Sasquatch exterior was a big, banged-up teddy bear just waiting to be cuddled.
“I don’t need someone to come in and handle things, Jasper.
I need to do this. I feel like I’m stuck in this ridiculous cage I built around myself with my own stubbornness, immaturity, and just plain stupidity.
If I let you or my brother ride in and save the day, then I’m afraid I’ll stay locked away.
I finally realize, I’m not just my own jailer, I’m the key. ”
She sounded defeated, even to her own ears. She was afraid that he wouldn’t understand, hell no one would, she barely understood it herself.
What she did know was, that by her acting like a spoiled brat when she’d returned and not telling the Bastards anything, she’d created a chasm.
The longer she refused to talk, the deeper and wider it got.
At some point it became such a sticking point that she couldn’t bring herself to say anything, even after she realized they wouldn’t judge her.
It was like she didn’t know how to take that first step. It boiled down to the fact that she’d been taught to hide her shame, even when it wasn’t hers to begin with. So when it was actually hers, hiding was all she knew.
Leaving Ida there had been her biggest regret. Then when she did take the leap and planned to tell Hook, he’d shut her down before she’d even gotten to Ida. He gave her a deadline to tell Lucas. It put everything on a countdown.
Her initial plan had been to sneak in after Thom went to work, extract Ida, get her secure in her new home, then go back to her half-life. Tell the Bastards and let them handle Thom how they saw fit. But then, the night she’d decided that, she couldn’t sleep.
If she let them handle the hard stuff, she’d never have to face her demons and that meant she wouldn’t grow. She’d always be that immature girl who pushed people away while letting them fight her battles.
According to her therapist, by not telling her brother about her mother, she was denying herself growing their bond as siblings. And by not facing her mother, she was denying herself growth and closure. Of course, she’d suggested confronting safely, whatever that meant.
Devin was tired of being seen as a childish burden to the Bastards, a brat to her brother, and an immature fat failure to herself.
“Jasper, it has to be my fight.”
Instead of continuing to rub her arms, he pulled her back into the comfort of his chest.
“It has to be,” she reiterated.
“I’m not here to take that from you, Sweetness. I’m here to have your back. It’s your war, Devin, you’re the general, but let me be your weapon.” He kissed the top of her head, letting his lips linger there while he just held her.
“Please. Doing it for yourself doesn’t mean doing it by yourself. The thought of you being alone with your pain, hurts my soul. You have me now, and I’m not going anywhere. You’re it for me, Sweetness.”
She was almost crying. Jasper was again saying she was his and it was bittersweet to hear. She was causing not only her brother pain by shutting him out, but Jasper was also hurting too. Again, caused by her fucked up handling of her problems or not handling them and trying to ignore them.
Accepting help would be the first step in letting people in, right?
She nodded against his chest and the sound of relief that escaped his body was heavy. She practically felt the tension leave his body and drop into the room.
When she pulled back from the hug, Jasper thumbed her tears away.
“Let’s get cleaned up and get some sleep and you can tell me how you’re thinking of handling it.”
How you’re thinking of handling it. Not how are we or here’s how he would handle it, but you’re. He was letting her control her own situation.
“You’re pretty amazing, Jasper Stanton.” She told him then made her way to the bathroom.
“I know. Why do you think I grew so big? I need these big guns to carry around all that awesomeness.”
He was still grinning as they entered the way-too-small shower. Jasper had that insane ability to be tender and in his feels one second and joking and happy-go-lucky the next.
However, she felt that was just for her. He was a perfect emotionless enforcer around everyone else, but a real teddy bear with her.
“I think you’d have to be that big to carry around your massive ego.”
“Ego? I think you’re pronouncing dick wrong.”
“Ugh, I take back my compliments. Rescinded,” she quipped as she exited the bathroom and tried to put his shirt back on.
Jasper stopped her by wrapping his arms around her waist and walking her backward toward the bed, naked.
“No take-backs with us, ever. We say what we mean, even if it pisses the other one off.”
The part of her that her mother, the bullies in school, and the men in her life, especially Thom, had told her she wasn’t good enough, were mute.
She was enough in Jasper’s eyes, and from now on, that would be the voice in her head she would hear.
He’d done nothing but prove that to her and not just in the microscopic time they’d been sleeping together.