Chapter 13 Kira
KIRA
Irub shampoo into the massive brown dog’s fur and try to ignore the awful pounding headache eating me from the inside. The dog snuffs and grunts as I spray him down.
“So I hear you were out late.” Tabby leans up against the wall, grinning at me. “Mrs. Walker’s been telling everyone she caught you doing the walk of shame.”
“Is it the walk of shame if I’m coming home from a date?”
“I knew it!” Tabby grins at me, practically vibrating. “Who was it? Tell me it was someone I’ve met?”
“Sort of,” I grumble, feeling like shit. I haven’t been hungover in a while, and washing this massive dog isn’t helping. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Absolutely not. You haven’t been on a date since I’ve known you, and I need to live vicariously through my younger friend. Give me the details.”
The massive dog suddenly shakes what feels like an entire tidal wave of water straight into my face. I groan and blow some off my lips. He looks back, mouth hanging open, panting and grinning like he’s trying to drive me crazy on purpose.
“He took me to dinner. Then to a club.” Then fucked me mindless in the back of his car. “Then dropped me off back home. That’s all.” I go back to grooming the dog, struggling to finish the shampoo phase and already dreading using the dryer on him.
“Dinner and dancing? What a gentleman. Did he keep his hands to himself? Did you want him to?”
“Yes and yes. Please, can we talk about anything else?”
“At least tell me if it went well.”
“It went—” I hesitate, not even sure how to answer. “Better than I thought it would.”
“That’s great! My first date with Joshy was a total disaster. Granted, we were in college, but still. He took me to a frat party and some asshole puked on my shoes. Joshy let me wear his back home, though.”
“What a great guy.”
“Center of my world, that big idiot.”
I try to picture saying the same about Stellan. But I can’t even come close. Josh and Tab have a normal relationship, but whatever this thing is with Stellan is like something from another planet.
Or maybe I should stop thinking about it like a relationship at all.
What’d he call it? An arrangement?
Just a business deal between two consenting adults.
“Can I ask you something?” I decide to take a break from cleaning the dog and let him sniff around the washing room while I towel off.
He settles in the corner on the tiles, not remotely bothered that he’s still wet.
“If you had the chance to change your life… but it meant selling out… would you do it?”
Tabby snorts and waves a hand. “Fuck, yes. You kidding me?”
“But what if it meant… like… sex work?”
She frowns a bit. “Did this guy proposition you or something? I mean, you’re hot and I bet you’d kill it if you started an OnlyFans, but that’s not really appropriate for a first date.”
“No, no, forget about the guy. This is something else.”
“Right. Sure.”
“Seriously, if you could do something a little crazy, but it might give you stability, safety, and security, would you?”
Tabby levels me with a serious stare. “Start with feet,” she says, not remotely kidding, and I feel like I could die. “The feet guys are total creeps, but they’ll pay up. Then move on to mild stuff. Don’t show the goods. Tease like your life depends on it. But hold back.”
“Tabs, I’m serious!”
“Me too, girl. I’ve been thinking about starting an OnlyFans for years, but Joshy won’t let me. I keep telling him he’s got a great dick and would look fantastic on camera, but he’s not into it.”
“Stop. I’m begging you.”
“Seriously, Kira, you do enough for Gem already. I don’t know what you’re considering, but how much more do you have to give?”
She’s got a point. But that’s exactly why I can’t stop thinking about Stellan’s proposition.
It’ll mean I won’t have to work two jobs anymore. I’ll have more time for Gem. I could devote myself to her, really help with her applications and her studies. We could actually afford school visits even. It’d change everything…
All I’d have to do is give the last shred of dignity I have left.
“That’s the thing.” I go over and lead the big dog back into position. “I’d do anything for Gem.”
“I know that.”
“I’d even sell my feet.” I grin at her before I turn on the dryer.
The big dog is not remotely happy, and neither is my hangover.
Three days slip past like nothing. I barely even notice until I’m putting on my waitressing clothes and heading out to the diner.
Gem’s home and studying, which is pretty much all she ever does.
I hope when she’s at college, she’ll have more of a life than I do.
But that’s the whole point, right? We put in the work now so that everything’s better in the future.
And Gem could have so much more freedom, if only we had the resources…
I’m strangely nervous. Gem caught me putting on makeup and made a face. “You never put anything on before work. What’s going on?”
“Just need an extra layer of armor to feel good about myself tonight, that’s all.”
Which she accepted. Truth is, I’d rather have a full suit of steel plate than a little eyeliner, but I take what I can get.
At least Pam’s working tonight. She greets me with a quick hug and a litany of complaints, like always. Harry’s bobbing his head to his music and only spares a quick wave of a spatula before plating an order. The diner smells like grease and coffee, and all I want to do is run away.
Stellan’s not there yet.
I settle into my shift. It’s an average night. Busy at first, but slows between ten and midnight. The drunks aren’t out yet, which means I have quiet time to sit around and reflect on all my life choices and how they’ve steered me here.
I’m still not sure why Stellan chose me. Just based on the way girls were practically tripping over themselves to get close to him at dinner and at the club, I’d bet there are maybe a few thousand potential wives within spitting distance. Most of them would probably be much more willing than me.
If all he needs is arm candy, wouldn’t that make more sense?
I still don’t get it. It feels like there’s more to this situation than he’s letting on. But why do I always have to second-guess everything?
My life’s been one long string of failures and mistakes.
My father died, my mother’s always been an addict, my little sister’s a genius, but she’s trapped in poverty, and then there’s me, trying to hold it all together.
Nothing truly good ever comes my way. Maybe that’s why I can’t see Stellan as more than a problem.
I duck into the back for my fifteen-minute break. When I come back out, he’s sitting in his usual booth. Pam gives me a wink and whispers, “I figured you’d want to serve him. You know, since you two are so close these days.”
I don’t even argue. Instead, I get him coffee, hesitate, pour myself a mug too, and sit down across from him. He doesn’t look surprised when I push his drink in front of him and take a long sip from mine.
“Busy night?” he asks casually, as if this were a totally normal meeting and my future isn’t dangling in the balance.
“Quiet until you showed up.”
“I have that effect.”
I take a deep breath. He’s watching me carefully, his face hard but curious, like he’s waiting for something terrible to happen.
“I don’t want to make this a big thing, okay?” I lean forward, heart racing into my throat. I’m sure I’m making a horrible mistake.
But it’s a mistake that might give Gem a better life.
“I like simple.”
“Promise me you’ll take care of my sister, no matter what happens.”
“I swear.”
“Seriously, Stellan. I’ve been busting my ass for years to make sure she gets the chance I never had. No matter what happens with us, she’s a good kid. She deserves better than I can give.”
“I promise, Kira. No matter what happens with us, Gem will always have a safety net. I’ll make sure of it.”
Something in me finally unclenches. I like that phrase, a safety net. It makes me think Gem can make some mistakes, but they won’t crush her. She can be a regular kid for a while.
“I’ll marry you.”
He nods, as if he expected this, and reaches into his jacket pocket. He places a diamond ring on the table between us. “This is for you.”
I stare, mouth dropping open. Holy crap, that thing is enormous. The diamond has to be worth thousands of dollars on its own. “Have you been carrying that around?”
“Ever since we first met.”
“But… that’s insane.”
“I make decisions and I don’t back away from them. When I commit, I commit with my soul.” He leans in close. “I keep my word. No matter what.”
I nod in a haze. I reach out and take the ring. It feels shockingly heavy in my palm.
He takes a long drink and slips from the booth. I watch him numbly, squeezing the ring into my palm until it hurts. This didn’t feel real until right now. It’s this physical reminder of what I just got myself into.
“What happens now?” I ask.
“You put that on. I have work tonight. I’ll speak to you again tomorrow.”
“I can’t wear that thing.” His gaze sharpens. I can tell I just insulted him. “It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just… it’s too much.”
“This is your life now. You’d better start getting used to it.” He turns and leaves without another word, forcing an end to our first argument as an engaged couple.
One of what I’m thinking will be many more to come.