Chapter 33
KIRA
I’m afraid for Stellan when I get back to the house. I wish he was here with me, but I know what he’s doing is important. I make my way up to Gem’s floor and find her sitting in a little reading nook, textbooks open in her lap. She’s slumped sideways, not moving, her eyes closed—
“Huh? Oh, hey.” She startles, smiling blearily. “You’re home. When did that happen?”
I hug her tight. “Just got in now.”
“Why do you smell so badly?”
“It’s a really long story.”
“Let me guess. That story involves Mom fucking something up.”
“Basically, yeah.”
“Tell me everything.”
I slip into the nook with her, and for a long moment, I just enjoy being close to my sister again. I missed her like crazy, and seeing my mother only reminded me of all the reasons I’ve been working so hard. Even though Mom’s an asshole who abandoned us, I won’t be that person.
I tell Gem about the trailer park, about Mom’s little house, and about the pawn shop. I leave off the part about nearly getting killed.
“God, that sounds just like her, doesn’t it? She takes something important and pawns it for almost nothing.”
“But at least we found it, right?”
“Totally. Wow, look at you. Already getting used to the life.”
“The life of what?”
“A mob wife.” She grins at me and snuggles closer. “You like it, don’t you?”
“I don’t know.” I stare at the ceiling, frowning. “I mean, I do, don’t get me wrong, but—”
“It’s okay, you know.” Gem’s voice gets soft and gentle. “You’re allowed to be happy.”
“I know that.”
“But do you? I mean, do you really? It’s okay now. Stellan’s taking care of the money stuff, right? You don’t have to spend your whole life killing yourself for me anymore. You can be happy.”
“Gemmy—”
“No, really, I mean it. I should’ve said this to you a long, long time ago, but I never really got it until recently.
” She lifts her face and meets my gaze. “I love you, Kira. You’re truly the best big sister anyone could ever ask for.
You’ve done so much for me, so now I’m going to do something in return.
” She hugs me tight. “You’re done. I don’t need you anymore. ”
That hurts like a kick to the teeth. I sit there, stunned and not sure how to answer. She grips me harder, squeezing.
“You don’t mean that,” I barely manage to wheeze.
“I really, really do. You’re finished. You’ve done too much already. Whatever happens to me will be my own fault now. You can’t live your life for me anymore, Kira. You need to live it for yourself.”
I blink back tears. God, why am I crying so much lately? “I have been doing that already. Taking care of you has been for me too.”
“But you’re done now. You have Stellan. You have a life and a new family to build. You want that with him, right?”
“Yes,” I say, barely a whisper, because it’s true. I want him. I love him. More than I thought I could or would. I never knew there was this much space inside of me for anyone but Gem. Now there’s a big Stellan-shaped chamber in my heart.
“Good. Love him. You’re not responsible for me.”
Tears flow freely now. I struggle not to sob. “What am I going to do when you’re not the center of my world anymore?”
“Find a new center. Make it yourself or Stellan or whatever you want. I’m going to be okay. I promise. I love you, and I’m going to be okay.”
I let go. I cry, hugging her, because she’s right. It’s time to move on. Gem’s going to college. She’s old enough to take care of herself. I’ll always be here to help her, but I don’t have to make it my entire life.
I can love Stellan. I’m allowed to love him, and it’s okay if I want to build something with him. That doesn’t mean I’m betraying Gem or acting like my mother.
It takes me a few minutes before I get myself together. Gem smiles at me, tears in her eyes too. “God, look at us,” I say, wiping her face with my hand. “We’re a damn mess.”
“I know. We’re such ugly criers too.”
“Speak for yourself. I’m dainty and ladylike.”
“Nope, you hiccup like a cartoon drunk.”
“How dare you.”
A door downstairs slams. I frown a little and push out of the nook. Gem finds some tissues and blows her nose while I use my sleeve to dry my face off.
“Are you expecting someone?” she asks.
“I think so. Maybe.” I check my phone, but there’s no message. “Stay here. I’ll go see who’s down there.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” She stretches with a sigh and grins at me. “I love my personal floor, but it’s a lot of stairs getting up here.”
I drag myself back down, past my bedroom, and toward the front foyer. The door’s hanging open slightly, which is weird. Did I forget to close it? Did Stellan’s guards leave it like that?
“Hello?” I call out, turning off the steps and toward the kitchen.
Something slams into my stomach.
I try to gasp but I can’t breathe. Pain like the worst ache floods my guts. I want to throw up. A hand grabs my hair and drags me, stumbling, back into the kitchen. I start sucking in air and want to scream but I’m hurting and can’t seem to make any noise.
I’m thrown violently to the floor. A man stomps a boot down on my hand. I yelp in agony, looking up in animal panic.
Several armed men are lurking around. They don’t look friendly.
Matteo crouches down and smiles at me, head tilted to the side.
“Hello, Kira. Sorry about all this. But the council decided it’s time for a change of leadership.”
I find my breath, teeth gritted. “The council… or you did?”
Matteo laughs, head thrown back. “Does it even matter? Now, are you alone here?”
“Yes,” I say, but much too quickly.
Matteo clucks his tongue and gestures at two of his men. “Go find the sister. Don’t hurt her. She’s a good kid.”
“Gem, run! Gem, run! They’re coming!” I scream as loud as I can, and I’d keep on screaming except Matteo’s shoe kicks me in the face, snapping my teeth into my tongue. My mouth fills with blood as someone drags me to my knees and puts me in a headlock. I can barely breathe. I spit blood and gag.
“Now that was a real pain in my ass,” Matteo murmurs grimly. “But don’t worry. I still won’t hold it against the girl. Well, not too much.”
I scream, struggling, kicking and fighting, but the man holding me is too strong and his grip is too solid, and the room begins to spin as he cuts off my air, and my legs get heavy and my arms are weights, and I try to scream for Gem to warn her, but I have nothing left, nothing at all, as darkness swarms and eats my vision like locusts.