5. Mia #2
If I’m honest with myself, I want him to say, “I love you. I want to take care of you. I’ll make sure you’re set for life. You can count on me. You’ll never have to worry about your safety or money. I’m going to love you.”
But he’ll never say that. I have to be honest with myself. Alek is twenty years older than me. Why would he be interested in me when he could have anyone he wanted?
He stands, placing his hands on his hips as he stares down at the rushing below us. Turning around, he points down below.
“Do not get too close to the edge, Da? I don’t want you to fall.” Alek unbuttons his sleeves and that’s when time slows for me.
Time slows as he rolls up his sleeves, showing the beautiful artwork he has tattooed that stops at his wrist. My breath hitches when the sunlight beams onto his muscular forearm, his veins protruding from the ink.
My mouth waters.
I’ve never had this type of reaction when it came to Ivan. I thought the desire would come with time, that everyone has needs, and eventually I would feel the burning lust to take the edge off.
I never did.
One look at Alek and my blood boils with arousal. A throb pulses between my legs and my nipples harden. I swallow, watching him move to the other sleeve to do the same thing.
He unbuttons his shirt too to allow his skin to breathe and I want to so badly say he should take it off completely.
But I don’t have the courage. I let the words sit on my tongue until I have to swallow again.
No one should look that good doing such a simple task.
I wish I could take this dress off, but the only thing underneath is a simple bra and matching panties. The lingerie for ‘consummating the marriage’ was something I was going to change into later.
“Did you hear me?” His voice cuts into the fog.
“What?” I blink.
He smirks as if he knows damn good and well why I wasn’t paying attention.
“Don’t get too close to the edge, Lyubimaya. It’s a far drop to the river. It could kill you and me.”
“You? It’s me falling into the river. Why would it kill you?”
His fingers slide under my chin, then down my jaw, his fingers curling into his palm, his knuckles grazing over my cheek. The one Ivan has hit more times than I can count.
I flinch out of habit and Alek frowns but doesn’t move his hand away. He remains gentle and soft, showing me a side of him I didn’t know existed.
“Because I’d jump in after you, Mia.”
Our gazes lock and my heart hammers against my sore chest. The same heart that Alek got beating again.
The same heart that has always belonged to him. Ivan was just a very poor second choice but the closest man I could have who reminded me of Alek.
“I wouldn’t want you to. You have an entire empire to live for. I have nothing,” I say with no malice. It’s just the simple truth.
I have no job. No friends. No family, at least, not a family who cares. I have no skillsets. My one and only purpose in life was to be Ivan’s wife. That isn’t happening, so why be in the world at all?
Jumping into the river doesn’t sound so bad now.
But I won’t. I’ve worked too hard to get this far and I won’t let Ivan kill me here either. If I die, it’ll be on my own time, not in a wedding dress I hate.
He squats to become eye level with me and I’m able to see his age. There are fine lines around his eyes and when the sun hits his face just right, there’s the slightest amount of silver stubble on his cheeks. His silver hair is slicked back but one piece hangs wildly over his forehead.
“I don’t care about my empire more than I care about you. Don’t ever speak that way again.” His facial features harden, his dark eyebrows furrowing together. “Do you understand me?”
“Yes. I understand.” I blush, heat flooding my cheeks.
“Good. I don’t ever want to hear you speak that way again.” I gasp when his hand travels down my neck, flattening his palm against my chest. “How are you feeling? How’s your breathing?”
“It still hurts,” I say, ashamed.
He’s having to work so much harder because of me.
“That’s okay. That makes sense. I had to put all my weight into the compressions. You could be sore weeks.”
“I’m sorry.”
He grips my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t ever apologize. I’d do it all over again, do you hear me? There isn’t one thing I would do differently. Saving you is all that matters. If that means I carry you for miles, that’s what it means. I’ll carry you into the very end.”
“But your shoulder…”
“Will be fine. I’m used to pain, Mia. Pain comes with my job. Embracing it and inflicting it. Come on. We have to keep going. We probably have another few hours of walking.”
I slide my arm across his shoulders, my fingers gliding over the strong, wide muscles of his back.
His arms slide under my legs again and he goes from a squat to stand, holding me close as if I was his bride and he was about to carry me over threshold.
I bet he would. Alek seems like the kind of man that respects a tradition like that.
Which has me wondering whatever happened to Mrs. Bykov. Ivan never, I mean never, spoke about his mother. There was never a woman around either. I don’t remember Alek being married and he hasn’t talked about her either.
I’m not sure how long we have been walking for. The sun is starting to set, and the question’s right there on the tip of my tongue.
“What happened to your wife?”
He stops in his tracks for a second. “My wife?” He sounds confused as he starts to charge forward again.
“Ivan’s mom. What happened to her? Is… is she still around? I never saw her come with you guys in the summer.”
He keeps his focus ahead, careful not to trip over any logs or rocks. “I’ve never been married. I never thought marriage would be in the cards for me considering my line of work.”
The silence in my response is the next question and Alek catches on, chuckling as he steps over another fallen tree.
“I wanted children, and I needed an heir. I hired a surrogate. I paid her very well. I still do. She will be paid until I die for bringing a life into this world that I wanted, even if my child is a fucking asshole. There was no love between her and I. It was strictly business.” He tilts his chin down, glancing at me. “Why?”
“I’ve always wondered.”
And it makes me happy knowing he didn’t love her when all I want is for him to love me.