Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Arianna
The moment Cormac truly kisses me, I know things will never be the same between us.
The way he deepens the kiss, and the way his hands frame my face, and the way his warmth feels comforting. It’s all perfect.
It just came at a cost.
I’m kissing my kidnapper, I realize. Who’s now my husband. It’s all so confusing and overwhelming and yet, it feels amazing. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t like this and yet, I do.
Cormac defended me from his friends tonight. It made him look more attractive. I know there’s some good in him that can make this marriage work.
But I can’t forget what he once did to me and I’m not sure how to rectify that with what I’m feeling right now.
I’m the one who pulls back from the kiss. Cormac’s eyes are soft and open. “What are you thinking?” I whisper.
“That I want to kiss you again.”
I blush. “But you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Arianna. I kept trying to. Pretending to but I don’t hate you.”
“I don’t know how to feel. You tried to hurt me at one point but now you don’t want to. Now you want to protect me. I don’t get it.”
His brow furrows. “I hate the Italian mafia. That’s true.
But… I don’t hate you. I can’t hate someone as innocent as you.
I just… can’t. Not when I see how scared you look.
Or when I saw you dance. I can’t get the memory of you dancing out of my mind.
I don’t know what the hell is happening to me either. I shouldn’t feel this for you.”
“And I shouldn’t feel this for you either. I shouldn’t want you to kiss me.”
“But you do?” A little smirk crosses his face. “You liked the kiss?”
“Yes,” I admit. There’s no point in lying. Cormac is my husband now. I’m stuck with him forever. Lies only hurt people.
“That’s not a bad thing.”
“But you kidnapped me before. How can I be ok with you kissing me now?”
Shame crosses his face as a deep sigh escapes him. “I know I fucked up. I wanted to hurt Marco but I never should have gone after you.”
“And now? Do you still want to hurt Marco? Your sister is happy with him, Cormac. Hurting him won’t achieve anything. It will only lead to more pain.”
“Of course I know that,” he snaps, making me flinch. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh. I just… I have come to realize that maybe I was wrong. I had a lot of anger in me. Still do. But I’m starting to see that my sister is safe. That maybe I was wrong about… some things.”
“Like what?”
“Like you. I hated who your family is but you’re not your family. I see that. The fact that you can even kiss me after what I did to you is a miracle. You’re a good person, Arianna. It’s why I could never hurt you. I didn’t want to. You never deserved it.”
“Thank you for saying that.” My fingers brush against my lips and Cormac’s eyes flick to them, making me drop my hand. “I don’t know how to feel right now.”
“Did the kiss feel good?”
“Yes.”
“That’s not a bad thing. We can enjoy each other’s company. Can’t we?”
“I guess. But your friends can’t come around ever again.”
He nods. “I told you. That’s done. Josh has been getting on my nerves anyway. I don’t want them over. I don’t want them to hurt you again.”
“We both have to try. At this marriage. If it’s going to work. Because I don’t want to hate you forever. I don’t want to be scared of you. I want to feel happy and safe.”
“I don’t want to hate you either. And I don’t. So let me take you home. The day isn’t even over and it’s already been a long day.”
I stare down at my brace covered wrist. “Ok. You can take me home.”
Home. My new one with Cormac. I still don’t understand it and I still can’t wrap my head around it. But my new home is with Cormac and that’s something I have to figure out soon.
When Cormac and I return to his apartment, he asks me to not tell my parents about my hurt wrist. “I just don’t want your father coming over to kill me. My dad said you can’t get hurt or I’ll…”
“Die,” I finish.
He flinches. “Yes.”
“You’re scared,” I murmur.
“I’m not scared.”
“Yes. You are. You don’t have to be a tough guy all the time, Cormac. I can tell you’re scared. You don’t want to die. I like seeing you afraid.”
“Isn’t that morbid?”
“No,” I say. “Because seeing you afraid means you’re human. Means you feel things. It makes you less scary.”
“And do you? Still find me scary?” He slowly walks closer to me. I don’t move because… I don’t want to back away from him.
“I don’t know,” I whisper, sounding breathless.
“I could kiss you again. I want to kiss you again.” His admission catches me off guard. Does Cormac truly want this? After everything he did to me? After how much he hated what my family stood for?
But things have changed. We were forced to marry and now we’re stuck together.
I need to try at this marriage.
“I want…” I trail off.
“What do you want?”
Cormac stands before me, with his muscular arms and blue eyes and handsome face.
If he had never kidnapped me, I never would have hated him.
In fact, he’s the type of man that I would have had a crush on.
The type I would fantasize about but never let myself get close to. Not when my entire life was dance.
But my life isn’t just about dance now. Since moving in with Marco and then marrying Cormac, I haven’t danced in weeks.
I thought I would miss it but it’s actually been…
freeing. Not being tied to a strict schedule.
Not obsessing over whether I’m skinny enough.
Not having to live with my parents who treated me like a child.
I know what I want. “I want you to kiss me again.”
Cormac doesn’t hesitate to take my face and press his lips to mine. The kiss feels just as good as I remember. Cormac has a pure masculinity about him that makes a flush of heat go through my entire body. I find myself leaning into his touch before I can stop it.
He lets out a low growl in the back of his throat as he kisses me deeper. I gasp, trying to inhale air. It’s all too much and yet not enough at the same time.
What is happening to me? What am I feeling?
Desire, I realize. It’s desire for Cormac. Despite everything he did to me, I have desire for him. I don’t want this kiss to stop.
He continues to kiss me as he backs me towards the couch. I sit down hard, like all the energy leaves my legs, but Cormac doesn’t stop kissing me. He leans over me, kissing me even harder. The next thing I know, I’m lying on the couch with Cormac hovering over my entire body.
His skin is close to mine. His warmth is right there. His kiss is powerful.
My hands grip his strong arms. The arms that kidnapped me but the arms that also saved me from Josh.
He finally pulls back from my lips but instead of speaking, he begins to kiss down my neck. I gasp from the tingling sensation. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.
It’s like heaven on this earth.
“Cormac?” I ask as he kisses further down my neck.
“I want to kiss you everywhere,” he admits, shocking me.
“Everywhere?”
“You’re so innocent. How much have you done?”
I hesitate to answer. It’s embarrassing to be twenty-one and never have done anything sexual in my entire life. “Nothing.”
His eyes widen. “Nothing? But you’re beautiful. Why haven’t you…”
“It’s not about looks. I was so focused on dance. I never wanted to date. I haven’t done anything.”
“You’re a virgin.” It’s not a question.
“Yes.”
“I won’t fuck you right now. Don’t worry.”
“I wasn’t worried.”
He gives me a look. “I can tell you’re worried. I just want to kiss you more. Touch you more.” His hands slide down to my hips and squeeze them. I gasp. “You really are innocent, aren’t you? I just never realized how much.”
“You never asked when you kidnapped me.”
“I deserve that. How many times can I apologize for it?”
“I don’t need you to keep apologizing. I’m… sorry myself.”
He frowns. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I keep holding it over your head. You did a bad thing by kidnapping me. But… you never hurt me. And now you had to pay the price by marrying me. I need to learn to let my own anger go. I don’t want to hate you for the rest of my life. I’m tired of it. I want to feel…”
“What?” he asks softly. It’s the most gentle I’ve ever heard Cormac sound.
“Happy. I want to experience more of life. I just want to be happy.”
“I can’t promise I’ll make you happy but what I do know is that I really want to keep kissing you. Do you want that? I won’t force you.”
I’m standing at a precipice. This is the moment that things will change for me and Cormac. I know it in my gut.
“Yes,” I answer honestly. “I want you to keep kissing me.”
His smile is a little dark but it sends a shiver down my body – a good shiver. His lips return to my neck, making me gasp in pleasure. Nothing has ever felt this good before.
His hand slides down to my thigh and wraps around it. I can’t deny that it feels amazing. Cormac lifts his head up to look in my eyes as he brings his hand to the waistband of my pants.
I may be innocent but I know what he wants to do. He wants to touch me. And I’m going to let him.
Cormac slides my pants down until they’re off my legs. My underwear is the only thing standing in the way of Cormac seeing my most intimate area. He keeps his eyes locked with mine as he cups me between my legs. My lips part as the sudden intense pleasure seeps its way through my body.
He rubs his palm back and forth over my panties, getting me warmer and warmer. My hips roll against his hand on instinct.
“Have you ever touched yourself before?”
“No,” I admit. “I just never cared to.”
“You’ve been missing out on a lot of things, Arianna. I want to show them to you.” He presses his palm firmer against my body. A flare of arousal washes through me. My hips buck into his hand.
A gasp escapes me. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Just lay back and let me touch you.”
I open my legs wider. A part of me cannot believe this is happening and yet, a part of me is not surprised.
He rubs me harder and harder, never removing my underwear. I’m grateful. This gives me a chance to get accustomed to his touch without it being too much.
Cormac’s eyes never leave mine the entire time. My hips have a mind of their own as they roll against his hand. I’m being consumed by him and I don’t think there’s any way back from this.
A pressure builds in my body. I’ve never felt it before but instinctually, I know exactly what it is.
Cormac’s lips crash into mine right as my orgasm washes over me.
And I know nothing will ever be the same again.