Chapter 8 #4
She dropped her bravado for a moment. “Niall, you know what we are…we are friends.”
“I want more,” I told her, and even though it surprised even myself, I knew it was true. I wanted her to be mine. I wanted to claim her.
I could tell she was surprised. We had never spoken about the future or what we were, it was just a given, but it had gone on long enough now that I think it was something we needed to consider.
“What about what I want, Niall?”
“I’m fine with waiting a little longer. Hell, I’ll give you however long you want, but I want to know if this is something you are wanting too.”
“I…I…I don’t want to be married again.”
“I’m not proposing, Shona. I’m asking you to be mine, and that means telling everyone outside.”
“You want to claim me.”
I nodded. I could see tiny chinks in her armour. I just needed to keep chipping, to show her that we would be good together. That I wouldn’t be like Dog, that I would protect her and love her the way she deserved for the rest of our lives.
Fuck, look at me being all sentimental and shit. Normally this would scare the fuck out of me, but right now…what I was more worried about was losing her.
“I don’t want to be claimed.”
“Then be my girl,” I said. “I don’t care what you want to call it. Shona…fuck…just be mine.”
My voice was getting louder and I could see her slowly moving back, away from me.
I knew I could get intense when I was losing my mind, but I just wanted her to admit what I felt wasn’t one sided.
I knew she cared about me, fuck she may have loved me too and was just too scared to admit it.
She got jealous when bunnies tried to pull me into a room.
I’d seen how possessive she could be, especially when she’d pull me into her room later that night and fuck me absolutely senseless.
I should tell her that I didn’t care about the bunnies in the clubhouse, allay her fears even, but when she took control and showed me how much she craved me, fuck me it was a good night. I was selfish for that, and I knew it.
“Savage…”
“Don’t start calling me that.”
She took a deep breath, her hands on her hips and she looked at the floor. “Maybe we’ve just run our course, Niall.”
She was pulling away. Fuck, I’d pushed too hard, but it was so difficult to not have her admit what I already knew.
“You can’t mean that.”
“I do,” she said. “This was meant to be fun, a way to get a release but well…you have a girl out there that will happily be your woman. I just…can’t.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
“I don’t want to be yours,” she said. She slowly lifted her head, and I could see the tears edging closer. “Just go, Niall, please.”
I wanted to fight, I wanted her to admit in the heat of a fight that she did want me, because I knew she did. But Dog had broken her, and I still hadn’t managed to put her back together. This wasn’t going to be an easy fix.
I was going to have to grovel, but I was prepared to do that.
For her.
I snatched up my jeans and my shirt and left her room, slamming the door behind me. I didn’t know how to fix this…I didn’t know how to make her see that she needed to be mine.
“Church,” I heard the call from the bar. Just what I needed. Church was usually called once a week but lately, anytime something came up, we called it whenever it was required. Which meant something was going down.
I quickly got dressed and headed into the chapel. I was the last to arrive, of course and sat at the end with the prospects.
“We have need of someone to head to the Nomads and help them find a new Prez. I don’t want to ask anything if someone has something going on, so any takers?”
This could be what we needed.
Space.
She could miss me and it would make her see that we were meant to be together.
“I’ll do it, Prez.”
Everyone looked at me, and Ace nodded. “Thank you, Savage. You’d be one of the best to do this for us. We’d need you to leave soon.”
“I got it, Prez. Let me pack a bag.”
We concluded church and I headed into my bedroom. I could feel her eyes on me as I passed the bar and didn’t look at her. This…had to be the universe telling me what we needed. Quickly packing everything into a small overnight bag, I put the bag down at the end of the bar and headed over to Ace.
“You sure you’re good with this?” he asked. “You may be away for a few months.”
His eyes travelled behind me to look at Shona and back at me. “Honestly, Prez, we need the space for-”
“Clarity?” he finished for me. His smirk told me he knew more than he was letting on.
I nodded.
“Good. Don’t worry, she’s well protected here. We will keep other men away from her. You do your job, and come home and claim her already, yeah?”
“I plan on it, Prez.”
He smacked me on the back and I moved over to grab my bag. Shona was talking with Ryleigh at the bar.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted to say goodbye but I knew if I did that, I would probably kiss her and we’d end up in bed, and I’d never want to leave.
Heading to the door, I looked back to see Shona watching me. The uncertainty in her eyes almost did me in, but I knew I needed to show her that I could easily walk out if she didn’t admit her feelings.
She had to face the hard facts.
She either loved me and told me, or she could watch me walk away.
I turned my head and walked out of the clubhouse before I dragged her across the bar and took her with me. Walking down to my bike was the worst I’d felt in a long time.
Awaking from my dream memory, I tried to think of any reason why I hadn’t just stayed with the Nomads.
I’d missed her, sure. But I had every chance to take over as the President there, and I’d be able to go back to my nomadic lifestyle that I craved so much.
Wolf had almost convinced me to do just that but ultimately, I’d missed her too damn much.
Why hadn’t I listened to her? Why had I insisted on making her mine when I knew the dangers that lurked in my past? Her own father hinted that my father was here and knew who she was to me. My father regarded family and women as weaknesses. He’d killed his own wives for birthing his daughters.
He was the devil in disguise, and if he had Shona…I knew she’d never survive.
I threw my fist into the pillow next to me to release the energy building inside of me. I don’t remember passing out, but waking up in my bed meant I had. The last thing I remembered was screaming at the heavens with Lorcan.
Getting off my bed, I saw I was still in my clothes from yesterday. How long had she been gone?
I pushed out of my room and headed into the chapel to find Ace. He was with Eamon, Lorcan, Hawk and Bear.
“Did you find her?”
Ace shook his head. “No, but we have found the CCTV footage.”
“Show me.”
“Maybe you should sit-”
“Show me,” I said through gritted teeth.
Ace allowed us to show our anger with him and defy him every now and then, but ultimately I did respect the hell out of him.
I respected him a hell of a lot more after having to be the main guy for the Nomads and deal with every little piece of shit that came our way.
Being Prez was no picnic.
“Eamon.”
The distinguished mafia king moved to a laptop and swiveled it around so I could see the screen. He hit a key on the keyboard, and the grainy footage showed her looking frightened while someone came at her. She was surrounded.
“No one helped her?”
“No, it appears not.”
“Fuck. Do we know if it’s him? I can’t see his face.”
“The good thing here is he didn’t immediately kill her,” Eamon said, closing the laptop down. “He will most probably use her against the club. If he is who you say he is, then he will use her against you to do something he wants.”
“We have your back Savage, always, but we need to know what your plan is. We have Wolf already heading to Belfast to track down the best way forward with destroying the Destructive Sons, but we need to hold off until Shona is found.”
“No,” I said. “I think you should leave me here with Viper, and take the rest up to Belfast.”
“We can’t do that,” Eamon said. “It’s too dangerous. Belfast can wait a week or so. We need to bring your woman back, yes?”
I looked at the man no one could get a read on and nodded. “I appreciate it.”
“Good, we are in agreement. We find Shona and this man who holds her captive, and we strike them down. Then we go after the snake in Belfast.”
This was what Ace had wanted all along. We’d wanted to unite the mafia families of Ireland as well as our MC to form a unit no one could touch, and it looked like he’d done it.
I appreciated it. I couldn’t help but feel like I couldn’t breathe though.
What if it was him…what if my father really did have her?
We filed out of the chapel and I headed straight for the bar.
Viper was there already, chatting to Kayleigh.
It reminded me so much of what Shona and I had had once upon a time.
I should never have pursued her. I knew what I was, who I was…
and I pulled her down into my trap. After everything she’d endured with her father and Dog…
I pulled her deep into my web, and to her likely demise.
The sound of peeling car tires had me turning to the door just as it burst open and my mirror image stood there, his stare barreling toward me. The smile broadened when he saw me.
Lorcan had been right. I looked just like him.
“Son.”
“I am not your son,” I seethed, glaring daggers at him. “Where is she?”
His smile was unnerving as he stepped into the clubhouse, weapons all raised at him. Was he stupid?
That’s when I saw them…and who they had in their arms. My heart plummeted into my stomach as I saw her with tape over her mouth, her wrists bound and her eyes wide and terrified.
When her eyes locked onto mine, I saw the regret there, the anguish.
I wanted her to know I didn’t blame her for this, but I couldn’t show that to her… not right now.
“Is this the she you are referring to?” he asked. “Don’t mind the tape…the shlyukha wouldn’t shut up.”