Chapter 12
Quinn
JUST MAKE A LIST
Five days later…
“Listen, I only need a little bit more time. I’ve been shutting off my lights as much as possible, only using what’s necessary. Could you just give me another week?”
I sit cross-legged in the hallway between my and Mrs. Cooley’s apartment, spoon-feeding Moose, my phone propped on my thigh on speaker.
The woman on the other end of the phone types into her computer for a second while I cross my fingers that she’ll grant me my wish. When she lets out a sigh, my stomach drops. Crap.
“I’m really sorry, Miss Summers, but you're already several payments behind. We’ve already extended you twice. An electrician will be there in the morning to turn your power off, I’m afraid. If you can come up with the money between now and then, just call us back.”
Dropping my head to the side, I rest on the wall, unable to hold it up any longer. I knew things would catch up to me. I told myself not to give my entire savings to my mom’s facility. I’ve been paying her overdue balance before my own bills, which is really starting to catch up to me.
A piece of wet, slimy cat food drops onto my leg, and that’s all it takes to push me over the edge as the tears start to fall, and a sob breaks free from my lungs.
At the same time, heat from behind surrounds me as my phone is snapped up from my thigh.
“I’ll make the full payment right now over the phone.” Xander looks down at me, his eyebrows pinched as he takes in what is surely my red face and the cat in front of me being hand-fed off its own silver spoon.
I want to get up, to tell him that he can’t do that.
He shouldn’t do that. I don’t want his money.
And he certainly can’t just show up five days later after staying all night in my bedroom while I slept and then leaving without so much as a word.
I still have no idea where he lives. I guess I could look him up in the directory, but I can’t even remember his last name.
I was so stunned that a man as fine as him was standing in my apartment that I caught his first name and then zoned out on his tattoos. Can’t really blame me for that.
Before I can roll onto my hands and knees to rise, he places a hand on my shoulder. My eyes shoot up to meet his, and he shakes his head. “Stay right there, sunshine.”
Oh, God. He had to throw in sunshine. I sniffle as another fat tear falls down my cheek. My cheeks burn with embarrassment as he lists off his card number by memory to the woman on the phone.
“Add an extra five hundred on top of that to cover the next few months,” he demands, and then says “yes” a few times before he ends the call.
Then silence stretches between us.
But his hand is still resting on my shoulder.
Still comforting me while I silently cry and avoid meeting his gaze.
He squats beside me since the cat is eating out of the can on the floor in front of me now.
Then, ever so slowly, he reaches out and hooks his index finger under my chin and forces me to look at him.
“Whatever needs to be done in this world so you never cry again, I’ll do it. Just make a list and I’ll fix it all, baby girl.”
My shoulders drop, and I let out a soft sob as I shake my head, unable to speak.
There’s no fixing everything that’s wrong with me.
I’ve lived through too much to shake all the trauma buried deep inside.
The anger and hatred toward my mom, while at the same time still loving her and wishing she could tell me she loved me, too.
The abandonment issues. The constant feeling of just wanting to be wanted. To be craved. Loved. Chosen.
I thought Jason felt all those things for me, but I was so wrong. To him, I was a girl from the gutter, always meant for the gutter. That had been in his breakup text to me after he took all the furniture we had picked out and paid for together.
Someone like me doesn’t settle down with someone like you. We’re different, Quinn. I thought you knew there was no future for us. Honestly, this has been going on for too long as it is. I really need to find a wife, and you’re not it.
That had been an arrow through the heart. At first, Jason had been everything to me. He wasn’t perfect, but coming from the situation I was in, he was a savior. I might be dead by now if he hadn’t opened his apartment to me when I left my mom’s house.
I brush my tears away and smile up at Xander’s worried face.
He looks tired again. Like he hasn’t been sleeping.
I feel bad because, until last night, I’d been sleeping like a baby this week.
It’s the best rest I’ve had in years, and I’m not sure why.
Maybe it’s the lingering scent of Xander that’s still in my bedroom.
Or the dreams I’ve been having of him watching over me.
I don’t know what has made the difference, but last night was terrible.
I dreamed of Jason; it was more of a nightmare than anything.
And my feet ached all night, but I have worked a lot this week, so it was bound to catch up with me.
“I’m okay. You didn’t have to do that.” I’m thankful as heck that he did because I’m not sure what I’d do without electricity. I went through power outages as a kid because my mom couldn’t pay the bill. I could have gotten through one now.
“Baby girl, there’s one thing I need you to know about me. I loathe liars. And every time you give me one of those forced smiles, I want to put you over my knee.”
Heat rushes straight to my core, sending a shock of pleasure to my clit as I stare up at him, speechless and aroused. I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be bent over a man’s lap. To be spanked like a naughty girl. Maybe even cry a little.
God, I’m so screwed up.
“Who’s… Cat?” he asks. Xander’s gaze slides over to the hefty cat like he’s personally offended him somehow.
That makes me smile for real because, obviously, Xander just needs to hold Moose to realize he’s the sweetest thing ever.
Reaching out, I grab the big gray lump of fur and practically shove him into Xander’s chest, making him fall onto his ass as he tries not to drop the cat as I let go.
I burst into giggles as Xander looks down at Moose in complete horror. “Should he be this heavy?” He frowns but gently starts to stroke Moose’s dense fur.
“He’s a German Shorthair. They are generally large cats, but Moose just happens to be on the bigger and taller side. But he’s loved anyway, aren’t you, Moosey?” I reach out and scratch under his chin, smiling at the chunky lug.
Xander’s gaze snaps to my face. He studies me for a second before putting the cat down and reaching over to brush his thumb over my cheek. “What’s going on in your life, sunshine? How can I fix it?”
My nipples pebble as a shiver runs through me from his gentle touch.
From his appearance, you’d think Xander didn’t have a soft bone in his body.
But when I really look at him, I think he’s a lot deeper than what meets the eye.
I also think he’s so closed off that he won’t let anyone past the invisible wall he’s built around himself.
“I don’t need you to fix it. I’m a big girl. I can handle my life.”
That’s what I’ve been telling myself over and over in my head for the past year. It’s been my only option.
He stares at me, his gaze searching and curious. “You might be a big girl, but you don’t have to take on the world by yourself.”
I narrow my gaze at him and speak before I think better of it.
“You’re one to talk. It’s pretty obvious you have the world on your shoulders.
Are you taking that on by yourself? Because, based on the haunted look you always have in your eyes and the cuts on your knuckles, I don’t think you’re handling your own problems very well, so you certainly don’t have the capacity to worry about someone else’s. ”
As soon as the words are out, I know it wasn’t the right thing to say. I think I hit a nerve. A very raw one.
“You don’t know anything about me, sunshine,” he says tightly, rising from the floor, his eyes dark and guarded. The kind and caring Xander who first showed up has disappeared, replaced by coldness.
Then he reaches down and pulls me to my feet like I weigh nothing and glares down at me while I try not to get lost in how good his cologne smells. Though the closer I get, I’m pretty sure I’m also getting a whiff of whiskey on his breath.
“I came down here because I’m getting rid of my couch and wanted to see if you’d like it.”
I blink several times. His couch? What? Is he worried about me not having any furniture other than my bed and a thrift store nightstand?
He pulls out his phone and flips it around to show me a picture of a white leather monstrosity, which looks like it was sent down from some kind of spaceship because not even aliens wanted it. Without meaning to, I wince as I look at it.
Moose walks between Xander’s legs, using his expensive black slacks as a rubbing post. Xander looks at the cat with a glare that I would not want to be on the receiving end of. Moose isn’t affected by it and continues circling.
“Oh, um…” I scratch my head, trying to come up with a reason why I don’t want to take his couch. I have no doubt it cost a small fortune, especially since it came from space, but holy cow, it’s ugly.
Definitely not what I had imagined to be Xander’s style.
It’s a little disappointing that he has that in his house.
I wouldn’t have taken him for one of those rich assholes who demand the most expensive and finest things.
I guess my gut fooled me again. “I really appreciate the generous offer, but it’s not really my style.
” I beam up at him, hoping he doesn’t take offense.
For the first time since I’ve met Xander, his smile meets his eyes. I hold my breath as I soak in the beauty of it. Of him.
“Yeah, I don’t blame you. It’s not my style either, sunshine,” he mutters, a little amusement laced in his voice.