Chapter 44 #2
I’m getting there. Please don’t give up on me.
I love you.
Always yours,
X
I cry myself to sleep in it. He must have worn it because it doesn’t just smell like his cologne. It smells like him. It’s the first time I’ve slept an entire night without him.
Day Twenty
My cacti have all died, and my apartment has been an endless revolving door of people.
Mrs. Cooley comes over and knocks at least once a day to check on me. Jordyn shows up randomly. Trey and his husband have stopped by. Even Frank, the doorman, came up and brought soup because he thought I was sick—because apparently I still look like shit—so his wife made me soup.
I’ve never had so many people in my place. At first, I was embarrassed that I live in an empty, tiny apartment, but most of these people know what happened when Jason left. They were there for me then, and they are trying to be here now.
My people. My little circle of those who care about me. Even though I miss Xander so damn much that my chest hasn’t physically stopped hurting since he left, I feel so damn lucky to have all of them surrounding me with their concern. It’s overwhelming at times, but it’s keeping my mind busy.
Day Twenty-Six
Roman raises his eyebrows as I approach him after my shift at Velvet Sins. I worked an early shift, so it’s only eight at night, and I don’t have to be back at work until tomorrow afternoon.
“Can we stop and get a burger on the way home? I’m dying for something greasy.” I think I’ve gained five pounds since Xander’s been gone. Eating my feelings isn’t the right thing to do, but I’m doing what I can to cope at the moment.
The Hulk nods and leads me out to the valet. When he pulls into a drive-thru, I give him my order and add on a chocolate milkshake. He passes back the paper bag, and when he tries to hand me the milkshake, I refuse to take it.
“That’s for you.”
He narrows his gaze at me through the rearview mirror, and I smirk. “Just drink it. Gosh. You and I are stuck together. Stop being such a robot. Xander isn’t going to murder you for talking to me.”
Roman chuckles. “Just trying to be professional, Miss Summers.”
I glare at him. “Okay, well, be professional around everyone else, but can you be human with me, please?”
He grunts and steers the SUV toward my apartment building, and I don’t miss the way he sucks down the milkshake like it’s his favorite thing ever.
As he drives up to the lobby entrance, I stare out the window with a boulder lodged in the pit of my stomach.
There hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about the home he bought for us.
For our future. And I crushed his dream.
I basically told him he wasn’t good enough for me.
“Miss Summers,” Roman says.
As I blink and turn to look at him, tears roll down my cheeks.
“I can take you to Mr. and Mrs. Savage’s home if you’d prefer.”
Shaking my head, I lift my purse to my shoulder, a signal for him that I’m ready to be let out. A second later, he opens the back door for me and waits while I climb out.
“No, thank you. I just miss him, and when I’m home alone, it’s even worse. I’m not going to impose on Cash and Jordyn tonight. I’m pretty sure they’re sick of me by now.”
Something crosses Roman’s face, and he holds up a finger for me to wait for him. Then he opens the passenger door and grabs something from the glovebox. When he turns toward me again, he holds up a box of cards.
“How about a few hands of poker? Maybe you can knock on Mrs. Cooley’s door and see if she wants to join us, too.”
I stare up at Roman for a long moment, trying my hardest not to squeal over him speaking to me like I’m a person instead of a rock. If I make a big deal about it, he might change his mind.
By the time Mrs. Cooley takes both Roman’s and my money, I’m beyond tired. As soon as they leave, I put Xander’s shirt on, slide into bed, and can barely keep my eyes open long enough to whisper “I love you,” into the night, hoping by some miracle that Xander hears it.
Day Twenty-Seven
“Thank you for letting me use your kitchen,” I say for the tenth time.
In my alone time, I’ve been creating recipes with the cheapest ingredients I could find.
Jordyn has tasted several of the meals and insisted that I finally start a blog and start working toward an actual cookbook.
She even offered up her kitchen for photos in exchange for me teaching her how to cook a few things for Cash.
I didn’t realize it was going to be a family dinner night until I showed up to find Beckett and Kian here, too.
Cash shoves a bite of taco into his mouth, one of the recipes I made today. “Are you kidding me? This is amazing.” He glares at me. “Don’t tell my housekeepers I said that.”
Beckett grunts something that sounds like a compliment, but his mouth is too full to understand it.
“You’re seriously hopeless,” Jordyn tells him with an eyeroll that makes everyone but Beckett laugh.
I swear, Beckett is this naturally playful and flirtatious hot guy, and sometimes it’s adorable, while other times, he’s like an annoying younger brother, even though he’s older than me.
Kian, on the other hand, is lighthearted like Beckett, but there’s something under the surface that is much more serious with him. He’s kind of a mystery, and I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.
It’s been a fun day with them. But the entire time, all I could think about was how much I wanted Xander to try these recipes. And how pissed he’d be that I made food for his brothers. He’d want it all to himself because I made it. Because he’s completely obsessed with me.
Or at least, he was when he left.
He might feel differently once he comes home.
And I have to be ready for that if it happens.
Day Twenty-Nine
Jordyn: I’m coming over when you get off work. We’re having a sleepover.
Quinn: You don’t have to come over. I’m fine. I promise.
Jordyn: I know I don’t have to, but I want to. Besides, I only have so much time with you before Xander comes home and hogs all your attention.
Sure enough, when Roman and I enter, she’s waiting for me in the lobby of my building, chatting with Frank like they are besties, while Caleb stands guard. As soon as Jordyn sees me, she lights up and waves goodbye to Frank before she latches onto my arm.
“I know this is ridiculous, but I never had slumber parties as a kid because my dad was a terrible excuse for a parent, so I’m way more excited than I should be.” Jordyn ignores our guards like they’re not even there, even though between the two of them, they take up over half of the elevator.
I’ve never had a slumber party, either. The only kind of sleepover I had with other kids was the few times my mom took us to a shelter when we literally had no roof over our heads. But those places have strict no-drug policies, so that ended pretty quickly.
“Isn’t Cash going to be upset that you’re not home? He doesn’t strike me as the type to be okay with you not sleeping in bed with him.”
Jordyn bursts out laughing at that as we close ourselves into the privacy of my apartment after Roman and Caleb both did a sweep as if they think the boogeyman is going to jump out at them. I find it comical that Cash is just as overprotective of Jordyn as Xander is of me.
She throws her oversized bag onto the counter in my kitchen and starts pulling out drink ingredients.
“Do you mind if I make cherry mojitos? Do you want one?”
I smile and kick off my shoes, then use a ponytail holder from my wrist to put my hair up in a big pineapple bun. “None for me. I’m too tired. Sorry to burst your bubble, but this is probably going to be a lame slumber party.”
Not only do I still not have any furniture, but I don’t even have snacks.
As if she can read my thoughts, Jordyn pulls out a gold bag of gummy bears along with a bag of popcorn.
“Girl, it’s going to be fabulous. We’ll veg out in your bed and watch a movie.
You don’t have to be awake for me to talk to you.
Besides, I’m sure my husband will show up at some point to make me come home. He’s playing poker tonight.”
Every time I hang out with Jordyn, she continues to surprise me. She grew up in luxury, buried in piles of money, yet she doesn’t blink an eye as she climbs into bed with me in my thrifted metal-framed bed, with mismatched sheets and a dozen different kinds of pillows.
Instead, she hugs one to her chest and sighs contentedly. “It’s so cozy in here. This bed is like something you’d see in a fairytale. It’s magical. I love it.”
We pass the candy back and forth, chatting about random things here and there.
“Have you seen your mom since she’s been moved?” Jordyn asks.
I shake my head, the weight of that question settling in the pit of my stomach again. “No. I feel like I need to. I should. It’s just—”
“Why do you need to? You don’t owe her anything. You know that, right?”
My mouth opens, but no words come out.
Why do I need to?
Because she’s my mom. It’s the right thing to do… isn’t it?
“Please don’t take offense to this, but fuck her. Just because she’s your blood, doesn’t mean she’s your family. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything. Family is the people you choose. And who choose you.” She bumps me in the shoulder with hers as if to make a point.
She wouldn’t even know whether I visit her or not. And if she did, I don’t know that she would even care. I was always a burden to her. The reason she couldn’t keep a job. The reason we were always so broke. It was always my fault. Why would that change now?
“Just remember, no matter what happens,” she says as she gets comfortable against a mound of pillows again. “You’re part of our family now, and we have your back.”
Day Thirty
Something startles me awake. I’m not sure what it is, but it takes me a second to remember that Jordyn was here when I fell asleep, but she’s not in bed next to me now.
Silence is the only thing I hear as I lie in the dark with my eyes barely open, the scent of Xander’s shirt comforting me.
It seems stronger than usual. Fresh.
I immediately sit up and look toward the corner of the room where my only chair in the house, which I’ve kept clear of clothes for the past twenty-nine days, is no longer empty.
“Daddy,” I whisper.
“I missed you so much,” he replies softly.
And suddenly, everything in my world is right again.